Užrašai: WaysByTopic

Pradžia

Appreciate futility What must it take for me to know everything? Conversing with: redirection Growing up, and seeking to know everything, I used to think that I could know human affairs from political science, which I could know from sociology, which I could know from psychology, which I could know from biology, which I could know from chemistry, which I could know from physics, which is based on mathematics. I was very interested to take high school physics and learn about the fundamental constituents of the universe. But the small bit that I surmised was that at the quantum level, reality itself seems to fade away, as if to say, you aren't meant to find anything here! And at that time, in the 1980's, it seemed that it would take billions of dollars of equipment and hundreds of scientists just to participate in the smallest way. So I concluded that if I am to know everything, God must make that possible.785 A-0

Consider what others avoid knowing What don't people want to know? I decided that if I am to possibly know everything, then God must make that knowledge easy to find and intuit. But others have not yet found it. So it must be a place where people could look, but choose not to. I surmised that it must be the wisdom of life, for there is no science of how to live our lives. Few people seem to wish that there be such a science. 1102 A-0

Suppose that God will make things doable As a high school student I came to think that physics at the quantum level simply fades the way, and so is not a foundation for knowledge of life. So I concluded that if I am to know everything, God must make that possible. The truth must be at hand, easy for me to find, as if I was to search for a lost key at the foot of a lamp post, where the light happens to be best.1103 A-0

Discard the unessential Conversing with: my depths We can ask ourselves, what is truly essential, and discard everything that is not, so that what remains is indeed essential. Descartes doubted everything, and was left with doubting. Kant imagined removing all objects and being left with time and space. 590 B1-0

Respect seriousness Conversing with: importance When I was little, our mother pulled us aside one day and briefly taught us about God and Jesus and how to make the sign of the cross. I appreciated that she was very serious and that there must be something real to it if she was so. I couldn't dismiss her utmost seriousness. God must be at least a possibility.771 B1-0

What must I believe? Conversing with: my ability to believe As a child, I pondered, what must I accept and believe so that I don't go astray in my thinking? and think evil things? I thought I should believe, as Jesus teaches, to believe God, and then also, to love my neighbor as myself, and for good measure, to believe that Jesus is God.1222 B1-0

What does everything depend on? Conversing with: all that follows Jesus taught that the whole law and the prophets depends on "Love God with all of your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind" and "Love your neighbor as yourself".1220 B1-1

What encompasses everything? Conversing with: everything As a child, I wondered how to apply myself. What was most important? I valued knowledge and I thought it was the key to all things. I thought it was important to know as broadly, deeply and generally as possible. I thus chose my quest to know everything and apply that knowledge usefully. Similarly, we can arrive at our deepest value in life by asking, what value includes all of our other values?1221 B1-1

Existential conversation with God How should I apply myself? Conversing with: God I think of an "existential conversation" with God as one where I don't presume to hear directly from God, but rather, link up my existential situation with God's existential situation, and walk through conclusions based on that.548 B2-0

What would be fair Conversing with: God As a six-year-old child, I engaged God in an existential conversation. I wished to apply myself to know everything, partly for its own sake, and partly to make good use of that knowledge. I was concerned that to seek such knowledge I would need to think freely, which could be very dangerous and lead me astray. I thus offered that, if he let me think freely, even think that God doesn't exist, then on my part, I would always believe in him. 609 B2-0

What would be reasonable As a child, I had made an offer to God, which seemed reasonable, and I felt God's presence, and I wondered if I should have a sign to confirm this understanding. But then I thought it would be wrong to ask for a sign, to look for a sign, to demand a sign, as I might invent a sign, or depend on a sign, and be lead astray. So I told God that my sign would be that I have no sign, and that if he ever meant otherwise, he would give me a sign.1223 B2-0

Keep my mind as open as possible As a child, perhaps five-years-old, appreciating the concept of God, and of believing in God or not, I wondered if such a concept might interfere with my thinking. But I asked myself, which would close more doors in my thinking, to accept God or to reject God? I realized that to not reject God was to accept God as a possibility, and thus keep that more or less open either way, whether God was real. Although to accept God as a possibility was, I thought, to accept God as a reality, in that God is real, first and foremost, as a concept. But to reject God was to close that door completely. And so I chose to accept the possibility of God.1225 C2-0

Selecting thoughts Conversing with: my own attention There are so many things to think about, to occupy myself with or be distracted by. I try to focus on those thoughts that build towards a greater purpose. For this reason, I very much enjoy my quest "to know everything and apply that usefully". I take note of any thought that might contribute towards that, but especially, deep ideas, profound ideas, foundational ideas. I thus imprint them in my mind. I often write them down. I look for them whenever I find my mind drifting towards shallow concerns. This helps me conclude what I truly care about.636 C2-1

Choose what is most comprehensive Conversing with: my point of departure I was finding it useful to ask Minciu Sodas leaders, staring with Franz Nahrada, about their "key concept", and better said, their "deepest value" in life. I thought I should formulate my own as well, and finally did, as I was engaging a young man in Lithuania about that. I found it difficult to do. As a child, I had greatly valued honesty, of saying what you truly think and feel, of never lying under any circumstances, not accepting any excuse for that. I also valued knowledge and learning. I thought that the truth was key for all other values to be true. In surveying my values, I realized that it was not knowing the truth or having the truth but living by truth that expressed what I felt important. Life was more than truth, but truth could and must be my key to live my life with integrity. 719 C4-1

Acknowledge my assumptions Conversing with: unknown I wish to assume as little as possible. Thus I note the assumptions that I do make. I assume the possibility of God rather than reject that possibility. I assume the possibility of others. By recognizing these as assumptions, I do not take them for granted, but allow that they are simply assumptions, which may be wrong and may be questioned.594 T-0

Appreciate my circumstances Conversing with: good fortune I was born to a loving family. All of our needs were met. Furthermore, we lived in Southern California, where the people around us for miles and miles were also doing fine, it seems. I was instinctively good. I had a fantastic mind. My future seemed bright and unlimited. I appreciated that this was not my doing, that others did not have that, and that I could have easily been born as a different person in different circumstances. Thus, early on, I considered that I must apply myself, my talents and my opportunities on behalf of all.706 T-0

Making explicit my circumstances Conversing with: complete stranger As I appreciate that I can assume practically nothing about others, and recognize the difficulty of communicating with anybody, yet I can leverage my limitations. I can suppose that they may likewise have such difficulties; that I know primarily about myself and primarily my own limitations; that I can hope that they do likewise; and that any attempt to communicate will leverage those limitations; and the structure of our effort, the message C from A to B, will be both the content and the form of our initial communication; and that this is a "constructive hypothesis" which we can apply, and to the extent it is by some miracle fruitful, we can build upon.615 T-0

Appreciating that I am happy As a child I realized that I was very happy, I was very blessed, and as far as I could see, I would always be happy, for certainly I had the means to be. I had a mother and a father, wise and loving. We lived in a wonderful time and place, the utopia of the Californian suburbs of the 1970s, where for miles and miles around all of the people lived more or less the same, with their needs met and each family having a little something more, and people living ever more comfortably in a society that was ever more just. I had a brilliant mind that, as far as I could tell, was limitless in its potential. I was a very good child, able to keep myself safe and busy, keen to do the right thing, as if I had a good seed and it could not be otherwise. I also had enormous will, an exacting conscience, and a fierce ambition to apply myself, especially my mind. I would always have people who cared about me. I appreciated the many aspects of my happiness and, consequently, I could consider, were they my doing?1298 R-1

Appreciating that I could have been born anybody As a child, I realized that I was profoundly happy, but that it was not of my own merits. I could have been born in Cambodia, defenseless and left to die or be killed. Therefore I thought that my happiness, gifts and talents were not meant simply to serve me, to keep me happy, but rather, to serve absolutely everybody, for I could have been anybody. How could I serve us all? What would others want me to do?1300 R-1

Survey existing knowledge Conversing with: what is known As a child, when I started my quest to know everything, I was keen to learn all that what was already known, starting with history, starting with the beginning, the Mesopotamians. Unfortunately, I couldn't find any books on them. So then I read about the Ancient Egyptians. In college, I was excited to be able to learn on a deeper, more serious level, but I had to give up the idea or reading everything and knowing it as it was presented. Yet even when I worked independently, I would try to survey relevant fields. My friend Shu-Hong Zhu made me a list of books relevant for decision making and emotion, and in one book I learned of a study of the emotions that mothers interpreted in faces of babies, namely: content, sad, excited, surprised, frightened, disgusted. I then thought through a model of these as emotional responses based on cognitive expectations.722 1-1

Recognize that I have nothing better to do Conversing with: causes Why do I want to know everything? Why am I organizing the kingdom of heaven? The most relevant answer that I have found is simply that I have nothing better to do.796 20-0

What would others want me to do for us all? As a child, I appreciated that I could have been born anybody. How could I serve us all? What would others want me to do? Even though I could not ask them, yet I understood that I could imagine what they would have me do, but especially, if they understood my situation. Ultimately, I decided that the best thing I could do would be to know everything and apply that knowledge usefully. As I did that, I kept mindful of others around the world, thinking how my thoughts might be fruitful for them, imagining them rooting for me, and even allowing me to get some rest and relaxation. As an adult, I have even met such people and we've actually helped each other.1301 32-0

Savišvieta

Hang out with the disobedient What won't I know? Conversing with: conditional rightness I was a good kid, but would charge myself to hang out with disobedient or rebellious kids, to know about their life, to round out my knowledge. I learned what was meaningful about being "cool".799 A-0

Live closer to real life What do people care about? After getting my Ph.D., I chose not to pursue an academic career because I wished to be closer to "real life". I moved to my grandmother's house and lived with her in a Chicago neighborhood, Marquette Park, which had "changed over" and gangs of Black-American youth were establishing themselves. 1105 A-0

Live precariously if that is more fruitful Conversing with: spiritual stagnation I grew up in a Southern Californian suburban utopia, comfortably, in a loving family. But I learned to "live on top of a question mark", as some of us say in Lithuanian. Live without assurance of income or in a neighborhood that others might not consider safe.788 A-0

Avoid whatever is unsafe Conversing with: possible misfortune As a child, I was always extra careful to stay away from anything that might injure me, such as saws and machinery. I still am. I don't play with danger.789 A-1

Stay away from what can harm but can't be necessary I stay away from drugs and am not curious about them. I would tell myself that they can't be necessary for my quest and so they can only hurt me. I stay away from those who want to be degenerate, who want to descend into ruin, who want to involve me in their dysfunctionality.1110 A-1

Show good will Conversing with: another's wishes My father taught me to always show good will. I saw him practice that many times in many ways. Showing good will helps me imagine but also notice others' wishes, purpose and good will.684 B2-1

Take a remark to heart Conversing with: another's perspective I take to heart remarks by my parents and my loved ones. My father ever taught me to stand erect and to walk with my feet straight. I take to heart remarks by my students and their parents. Some of them would worry about grades and exams. I may not have the same concerns, and I may not agree with their conclusions, but I can't deny their feelings. I want to make sure that I am doing what's right and so I have to be mindful of their concerns and address them by changing my behavior, by making it understandable or at least, by showing respect for them.749 B2-1

Take counsel to heart Conversing with: loving care As a boy, I was in love with a popular girl, Lacie Diaz, who said but a few words to me, but which I took to heart: Not to curse like the other kids, for it did not suit me. To wear wire-framed glasses, which I only could many years later. Another young woman taught me to say compliments. And a young man, Johnny Gonzales, after many years of saving me, told me to fight my own battles.744 B2-1

Take up my enemy's point of view Conversing with: excluded person When I take up the point of view of a person antagonistic to me, I can learn what they want from me and others. I can focus on that.740 B2-1

Be interrogated Conversing with: my virtue I try to accept provocations from Jehovah's Witnesses and evangelicals regarding my life. I feel disturbed when they don't show interest in me, but treat me presumptuously as an infidel or sinner. Yet this is how I stay open, how I learn about myself and the weakness of their doctrine.761 B2-1

Imagine another's mindset Conversing with: person In studying Jesus's emotions as documented in the Gospel of Mark, I imagined Jesus's mindset, what were his expectations that led to his emotions, and how did he respond? In talking with a person, I can imagine what keeps them from saying things they might say.649 B2-1

Relent Conversing with: injustice When I was fourteen or so, I had a chess coach, Robert Snyder, who one day locked the room, sat next to me and told me I was "special". I told him to get away from me and then I told my mother it was improper and we should call the police. She resisted, explaining that it could destroy his life, and so I didn't call the police and even stayed on as his student, with nothing like that recurring. Decades later he was convicted of molesting minors. I learned that I could be not so harsh. In college, I had a roommate who sold pot, said he wouldn't do it anymore, but took on a new shipment anyways. I was appalled that he lied, and I wanted to call the police, but my other roommate, who had made the discovery, had us talk to housing instead. He was kicked out of housing, but stayed in the university and never faced the police. I realized what a gross injustice there was compared to how Black American youth were treated.745 B3-0

Reconsider Conversing with: stubbornness Sometimes I take up a position and defend a principle with great passion in my mind, especially when I feel attacked. I may find many good reasons to stay firm. But then, when I feel that I've weathered the storm, a mild voice grows in me that I might now relent, that I don't have to look at things so starkly, that the issue isn't the only one or the most important, that time brings forth other issues. Ultimately, I always do relent, when I myself feel ready. This also helps me to avoid getting into arguments, to not be afraid to see them through honestly and vigorously, but to be prompt and resolute in letting go of them. 730 B3-0

Example (730) Choo-choo train One day, perhaps for my birthday or for Christmas, my parents got me a black plastic choo-choo train that I could sit on and pretend to ride around the apartment. I must have been three years old because we were still living at the Page Street apartments in Buena Park. It was the first impressive toy that I had and I treasured it because it was "mine", because it was given to "me", and it was an acknowledgment that I should "have" things. My parents invited over Robbie's family. He was a little boy who used to live at the apartments, with whom I had played sometimes, but didn't really know, as I basically played by myself. My mother and father asked that I show him my choo-choo train and let him ride it. I said No. I felt it was mine and I wanted to keep it that way. They insisted. They said I was bad. This disturbed me greatly. My parents said later that I refused to talk to them for three days. But I remember some of what I was thinking: that it was deceitful of them to give me things and later to say what I must do with them; it was the same as to take them from me; that thus no notion of property could ever be secure; and thus there could be no ground for civilization; and this made progress untenable; yet progress was our highest ideal. I think finally they allowed that I had not behaved badly. And then I relented that my parents were loving people and that I should not make too much of this. But I told myself that I would never get attached to things. 1850 B3-0

Empathy for disputants Conversing with: conviction By having empathy for people, I was aware how intensely they clung to their truths, often unknowingly, the truth of the world.654 B3-0

Internal dialogue with someone dear or critical Conversing with: convictions I often have dialogues in my mind with people I know. I suppose they are sparked by my feelings and my conscience. In reflect about events in my life, I will feel a wish to say to somebody the truth. But am I being fair to them? What would they say? My mind provides their reply, what they might say. And then I think and reply. In this way, my mind rehearses conversations that may be several minutes long. I recall doing this in grade school as I rode home on the bus, thinking to myself. I have had many conversations with my parents, with good friends, with girls and women I have been in love with, and even certain peripheral individuals who are critical of me. I have a crush on a woman, but then imagine, what if she had an abortion, would I still love her, and what would I say? I have had many conversations in my mind with my parents about the things I do that irk them, such as not getting a hair cut or my difficulty in making a living or my adventures in life or my philosophical ideas, or their aspirations for me, such as being Lithuanian or being a good person, kind and of good will. I learned that people in my mind were more real, vibrant, honest, direct, intense, distilled, than they were in real life. True, in real life, when they said something unexpected, I had to adjust my understanding of them, yet in mind, there could also be something similar, when I managed to see them in a new light, and indeed, I would converse with them in my mind until I could resolve all of my feelings. I noticed that my conversations with God are quite similar, and I could explain to others that, in that sense, God is very real to me, just as the people in my mind are more real than they are in real life. In 2011, in speaking about this with my father, I learned that he actually doesn't have any such conversations. I suppose I have them because I was never able to talk with my parents and others as much as I liked about what I cared about, and because when I did have a chance, I didn't want the conversations to go on unhelpful or hurtful tracks.709 B3-0

Invite all people Conversing with: God's will In my activities, I've tried to be and stay open to everybody and not be exclusive. I have tried not to worry about people's intelligence, competence, reliability, wealth or niceness. This has helped me to be more flexible with regard to what might happened, how things might develop, and be more appreciative as to what other people might contribute. It has also gotten me to develop relevant filters, such as expecting certain behavior. I've focused on "independent thinkers", expected people to be accountable to their own deepest value in life, or to engage me based on their own question that they wish to answer.699 B4-0

Dedicating my best hour Starting around 1994, when I started to work from home as a software developer, I made sure to start my day by working on my philosophy for an hour or two. Even later, as I struggled and failed to make a living from my lab, Minciu Sodas, I always dedicated my best hour or two to my philosophy. My best hour is in the morning, when my mind is fresh and uncluttered with concerns. I pray to God, do some calisthenics, eat breakfast, check my emails to keep them off my mind, and then apply my mind to my philosophy, preferably to the deepest question that I can. My goal is to get a new idea every day. Then I feel that my day has gone well and it doesn't matter what else happens. I typically continue by reviewing, writing and sharing my strategy for applying myself and making a living. As the day wears on, I make some effort to make a living. But I don't let that have my best energies. I believe that we all have a right and duty to spend one or two hours each day of our best time to apply ourselves and do what we were created and inspired to do.1904 B4-0

Accept everyone the same, as if God Conversing with: simplicity In accepting a person as myself, if they are God, I give them my full attention, and realize how surprisingly intelligent they are, or troubled or proud or dignified or harmonious. It makes whole the many things to learn.694 B4-1

Listen to faithless sermons Conversing with: spiritual patience Many priests speak without inner faith and so I note how they miss Jesus's meaning. The good son, the brother of the prodigal son, reminds me of Jesus, what he must have felt. 762 B4-1

Observe teachers teach Conversing with: successful communication As a child, I often already knew what the teacher was teaching, or felt it was taught slowly, so I watched them teach, and considered how I would teach differently, what is the deep meaning?738 B4-1

Observing what is going on around me As a nearsighted child, I noticed "floaters" that moved across my eye, chains of blocks. I learned about cells in my biology, and then, one day, sitting in a dentist's chair, I thought, the floaters must be chains of cells which I can see because they are close up, right on my eyeball. My mother said no. But later an optometrist confirmed that, yes, indeed they were! I thought it was wonderful that I could see human cells with my own naked eyes!1235 C1-0

Take in all thoughts Conversing with: unlimited Once in a while, I marvel at the amazing variety of input that engages me and enters my mind. I could easily believe that there is an objective world around me, which I can't help but accept, so as to get by. It is a world that can easily overturn any model which I might suggest for it. Thus, I don't look to it for assurance, but rather I stay open to it. I feel obliged to take seriously whatever I note, whatever I am told, so that my character might be completely informed and thus ever perfected. John Muir has celebrated in detail, with awe and joy, the wonders of the Sierra mountains.591 C1-0

Wait Conversing with: associations I learned to wait sometimes, to give a chance for solutions to arise, for my unconscious to percolate or for the situation to develop. I learned to give God a chance. For example, I was living with David Ellison-Bey and his home was confirmed as foreclosed and then sold, and by law, I had to leave. I decided not to rush to leave, but waited to find a suitable place.690 C1-0

Accept a position of responsibility Conversing with: opportunities I have learned by accepting invitations to participate. I complemented Audrey Barnes on the gospel choir at St. Benedict the African and she invited me to join. I wrote a Lithuanian rock song for Loreta Grikaviciute and she invited me to sing it. Then in Lithuania we were invited to perform in the rock festival Roko marsas per Lietuva. As a youth, I was invited to lead a scout group. In Uzhupis, I was invited to show my drawings, do big works and paint new works. Generally, this expanded my possibilities and opened me up to my talents. I appreciated others' talents and I learned a bit about the logic and sensibility of each domain.685 C2-0

Reading a book that somebody recommends I've learned quite a bit from several books that others recommended that I read. An IrDA member from Oregon introduced me to Christopher Alexander's "The Timeless Way of Building". It's a wonderfully poetic book and I rank Alexander along with Plato and Kant for his insightful theory and practice of pattern languages. Malcolm Duerod recommended that I read "The Shack", a book depicting God's relationship with himself as the Holy Trinity, but it got me thinking that, in my imagination, God is alone. June Terry recommended "A Purpose Driven Life" and I've just read the first chapter, but it made me realize that, as a child, I appreciated that my happy life did not come from my own merits, yet it was I who appreciated that, and I who decided to apply myself, and I who engaged God regarding that, as I myself thought best.1299 C2-0

Atune my mind In 2000 or so, I noted eight areas in my personal life where I wanted to improve myself: Be with God, foster my conscience, foster my willpower, foster my stewardship, be curious, serve others, support others' endeavors, be successful. Each morning, after I prayed, I would run through each of these and imagine how I might do that during the day. I didn't try to plan to actually do them because it would be too contrived to carve out so much time. Rather, I would imagine how I might do that, and then during the day I would be open to similar opportunities and seize them. Over several years this helped me change in these ways and I felt better about myself. Afterwards, I gave up this practice because it had achieved its purpose and it took up time, perhaps twenty minutes. 2259 C2-1

Direct my thinking Conversing with: capability By directing my thinking to thoughts or objects, important or otherwise, I note what I can be sensitive to, the variety of what can engage my attention. I can temporarily focus my attention on any thought, or away from it by focusing on another, or even be still in my mind, yet ultimately my mind is always drawn by peripheral thoughts or events. I like to think. It is not something I want to turn off. Rather, I want to make the most of my thinking. I see that by ever thoughtfully directing my thinking I have in large part shaped the mind that I live in.786 C2-1

Influencing myself Conversing with: my own essence I exert my will power to influence myself to be good in all ways. As a young person, I didn't care much for fruits or vegetables, but as I got older, I would at times encourage or even force myself to eat them, so that now I eat many more of them. I was weak and didn't have friends, so after school I would go outside and play sports on our block, and then later, I went out for the water polo team in high school. At home we spoke Lithuanian, but it took great effort to think in Lithuanian, and yet I chose to do so and persisted, successfully. I think this especially taught me to value "caring about thinking", which became my motto for Minciu Sodas, my lab of independent thinkers. But even more importantly, I was vigilant in my mind to weed out mean thoughts and to think good thoughts. 632 C2-1

Prime my mind In 2000 or so, I made a list of eight areas in my personal life where I wanted to improve myself: Be with God; foster my conscience; foster my willpower; foster my stewardship; be curious; serve others; support others' endeavors; be successful. Then every morning after I prayed I would spend about twenty minutes going through the list and just imagining examples of how I might work on each goal that day. In this way, I primed my mind so that I was ready to make time for such activities as they came up naturally. My life was very flexible and this mental exercise was much better for me than trying to schedule activities. After several years, I felt that these matters had become quite natural, my feelings had subsided concerning them, and I didn't have to do this routine, but they were part of my life.1921 C2-1

Recognizing influences on my perspective Conversing with: my own thinking I notice how television engrosses my thinking and how I am a freer person by not having one. Radio takes up mental bandwidth, too. The cultures that I have lived in have shaped my thinking of what's important. My efforts to link up with God have fostered my appetite for being with God.631 C2-1

Appreciate my vulnerabilities I was in first or second grade when I got glasses. It turned out that my vision was very bad. I can hardly make out the features of people's faces. Although I resisted needing glasses, I appreciated that they were a great gift. I wondered, how would I have survived before glasses were invented? I might not be able to work at all, I might have to be a beggar. And so I appreciated that I was not master of my own circumstances, and thus not free to do as I pleased.2090 C3-0

Battle with myself Conversing with: my own fate Many times, I've comforted myself by touching myself, and despite that pleasure, I know well that afterwards I feel dissipated and depressed. Yet my mind is so creative in coming up with justifications at the time. But it does seem to make a difference that I battle my mind, even if I lose. And from this battle I have learned many things, but especially that my mind and my will are different. I am my will and not my mind.702 C3-0

Care for mind, body and spirit Conversing with: harmonious life In eighth grade we were taught the Greek view of harmonious growth in mind, body and spirit. This encouraged me to take up sports, even though I was very weak. In high school, I joined the water polo and swimming teams. We swam from 6:30 to 8:00 in the morning and from 2:30 to 5:00 in the afternoon. I was always the worst, but I grew to be quite well built and of at least average strength.778 C3-0

End a relationship Conversing with: inability I had a roommate who was very bright but, as time went on, I wasn't able to engage with him in a constructive way. I decided that we were injuring each other as people and so I told him that I was ending our relationship. I learned my limitations, that I was unable to have a healthy relationship with him.750 C3-0

Try out all possible solutions Conversing with: impossibility In avoiding bankruptcy, I'm trying to take every reasonable step along the way. In trying to make a living from my business, Minciu Sodas, I kept looking for the most promising and sensible opportunity. In pursuing my sweetheart, I'm trying to show that I care about her in every way. In trying to save David's home, and especially, in encouraging him to take action to save it, I've tried to show that I'm ever interested. These are all areas where I can't assure my own success yet must try to do my part.755 C3-0

Justification Conversing with: given Certain ideas I have thought are dangerous, and justification helped me to realize, in what sense I think they are. Also, I was born in California but raised Lithuanian, and justification made me embrace my Lithuanian heritage in a very conscious way.606 C3-1

Stay in touch Conversing with: good will Sometimes my values seem to diverge so sharply from people I know that I don't see the point of maintaining a relationship. But then I realize that, even so, I can have good will and maintain it at some most basic level. I allow and recognize that there may be some purpose greater than my own perspective.752 C4-0

Make meaningful Conversing with: meaningfulness In Vilnius, I babysat my god daughter Deboryte and helped her with her homework. That ended badly because I was interested to teach her more broadly, but she was focused on doing what was assigned, and so I made her upset. Even so, I tried to draw meaning from the evening, and I remembered that I was a good tutor. I had worked at Ivy League Tutoring in Chicago, and since I had exhausted my hopes to make a living from Minciu Sodas, perhaps I could go back and work there. I called the founder, Adrian Hunter, and indeed, he agreed to hire me, and I left for Chicago within a month. More generally, as a youth, I tried to draw meaning from every episode in my life, every talent I developed, and build on them, although certain skills, such as my Spanish, always seemed underutilized, and I spent time on others, such as playing guitar, that I never sufficiently developed to get past the hump so I could build on them. 759 C4-1

Sort out my own feelings Conversing with: my knowledge Sorting through my feelings, I recognized various distinctions. I disavowed feelings of shame because they came from others and not myself, and so I felt it was wrong to shame and to feel shame. In contrast, embraced feelings of guilt as healthy because they came from inside my own self, and I could resolve them internally. I felt pleasure or comfort in fondling myself, but afterwards it inevitably made me feel depressed and spent, and so I concluded from my own feelings that it was wrong for me to do and I should ever resist that, even though I constantly failed. I thought it was my own personal addiction, sin that helped me identify with other people's addictions, failings of character, sins. Yet I felt that, in any event, it was not central to my life, it was not what was key to understanding me.741 C4-1

Ask for extraordinary assistance Conversing with: commonality Sometimes I have asked for extraordinary help from people I know with power: to go to university in Soviet-occupied Lithuania; to get a visa for my love; to get help from Lithuania's foreign ministry for Kenyans; to have a place to stay for the night from the Church in Warsaw. I learned how help was not forthcoming, or how it was much more or much less than what I merited.746 T-0

Believing in my superiority My mother thought that I might need glasses, but I resisted that idea, I suppose because I didn't wish to allow that I was imperfect in any way. One day we were driving home from Lithuanian Saturday school on Highway 5. I would read out loud the exit signs as they came up. My sister Rima managed to read our exit "Carmenita" before I did! How could that be? I realized that she saw it before me. That's when I admitted that I needed glasses.2091 T-0

Reuse existing solutions Conversing with: solution As a computer programmer, I learned to solve many challenges by reusing and rewriting existing code that I or others had developed for similar problems. 753 T-0

Get involved Conversing with: my own limits I have exposed my failings and strengths by getting involved and not always holding back. At Lithuanian scout camp Rakas, as a nineteen year old "Brother of the Forest", I spied on the teenage girl scouts from out of the forest. They saw me, but I didn't retreat. I'm sure I looked pretty stupid. In 2009, I went to a philosophy workshop in Lithuania, which had rejected my wish to talk about my findings in my quest to know everything, including my video. At mid-day, one of the speakers gave a long screed against America, women, homosexuals, minorities. At question time, I asked, "Maybe Hitler was right?" and he replied, "As soon as I talk about such things, I am inevitably compared to Hitler." As nobody kept him from speaking so irresponsibly, I got up and punched him, saying that the Nazis had executed my grandfather. (It seems that subsequently he stopped pursuing his line of thinking, at least publicly.) I have many such incidents, stupid or noble, because I am willing to step out of norms. 700 T-1

Stick to what is right Conversing with: world I've tried, even if ever so slightly, to stay true to what is right. For example, I force myself to at least skim the terms of service when I am asked to click that I have read and understood them. At work, in public, and socially, I note and stand up for what is right. Sometimes I lose out as a consequence, and sometimes I gain in different ways. This helps me appreciate and identify with the righteous, the downtrodden and the marginalized.701 T-1

Be naive Conversing with: my assumptions As I studied, I supposed that the more I learned in school, the more kinds of jobs I could do and find when the time came. I thought that math was practical and that I would find many ways to apply a Ph.D. Later, as I took loans and risks to start my lab, Minciu Sodas, I thought that I could always find a regular job if I failed. I thought so, accepting tenants of my environment. Now, I see differently, but my wholehearted naivete then, my lack of doubt then helps me as I now reflect and conclude.695 F-0

Object to the existing system ever so slightly Conversing with: justice In the course of my usual activities, I address injustices that I notice, even though it may get me into trouble. I reported election violations in Chicago. When I won a Knight News Challenge award, I spoke up about the need to address "ethnic cleansing" in Chicago. I smuggled books as I traveled. I poured out alcohol at events where I felt people were pressured to drink. I would walk across the Black American neighborhood to show myself that I could do it.683 F-0

Find out for myself Conversing with: limits set by constraints Sometimes I'm able to observe and learn first hand rather than through books and schools. In Lithuania, in 1988 and 1989, I was able to observe up close Lithuania's reform movement which achieved independence from the Soviet Union. In 1980, I visited Lithuania as a 15 year old, and was able to talk to relatives of various backgrounds. I walked the streets of Vilnius and saw how different buildings that I recognized from Saturday school all fit together spatially with regard to each other. I traveled through Europe in the summer of 1989 and saw with my own eyes the plaza of Venice which Marco Polo departed from. From 1998 to 2010, I sought clients for Minciu Sodas and gained first hand experience of sorts in business.687 F-1

Get out of my comfort zone Conversing with: self-check At times, I made an effort to go outside my comfort zone, especially to reach out to those who are marginalized. I chose to live with my grandmother in her neighborhood, Marquette Park, which had become primarily Black American. I would practice engaging the youth hanging out on the corner. I ventured into the Black American community to join a Catholic church there, St. Benedict the African. In 2006, I stayed for three weeks in Nablus, Israeli-occupied Palestine, and taught nonviolence there.704 F-1

Test out assumptions Conversing with: understanding Is it true that everyone can be a genius? As a tutor for mentally challenged adults I realized that there are some objective challenges to learning yet everybody may have special gifts, some extra scraps of cortex for individual talents. 686 F-1

Check myself Conversing with: view from the side When people criticize me, I check myself, but often their criticism doesn't seem fair. Over time, I realized that the criticism is often more applicable to the criticizer, and I concluded that I am a mirror for other people's weaknesses.717 R-0

Good deed Conversing with: justice Lord Baden-Powell taught scouts to do a good deed every day. As a child, I took this seriously. Later, I appreciated the opportunity to do good. This concept helped me to see the dynamics of good, the way that it worked, its significance and advantages, not yielding return directly, and yet allowing for good things to happen to me as well as others, and importantly, fostering my character.716 R-0

Learning from my failures Conversing with: other possibilities I learned not to brag about my mind because that can hurt others; to be ready to lead because others may not be ready;to use the simplest vocabulary so that I would be understood by everybody; to make clear my main point so that people could help me; to not be modest so that people would be aware of what I can do.675 R-0

Critically reviewing my life In 2000 or so, I critically reviewed my life, all my weaknesses which I perceived, much like Ben Franklin did, as he notes in autobiography, which my brother alerted me to. I found eight areas in my personal life where I wanted to improve myself: Be with God, foster my conscience, foster my willpower, foster my stewardship, be curious, serve others, support others' endeavors, be successful.1920 R-1

Illustrative examples Conversing with: fundamental knowledge Certain examples from real life make vivid for me the reality of the sciences. In physics, I was most impressed when our professor Isaac Abella showed us that if we place our forefinger just above our thumb and look through that gap in the light, then we will see diffraction effects, ripples of light and darkness, which is evidence that light is a wave, which interferes with itself constructively (brightening the light) and destructively (canceling out, leaving darkness). I was deeply impressed that such a physical fact could be observed and deduced from our bare hands. It was available to all humankind, yet who cared to make sense of it? 601 CB-0

Example (601) Watching human cells floating on my eyes As a nearsighted child, I noticed "floaters" that moved across my eye, chains of blocks. I learned about cells in my biology, and then, one day, sitting in a dentist's chair, I thought, the floaters must be chains of cells which I can see because they are close up, right on my eyeball. My mother said no. But later an optometrist confirmed that, yes, indeed they were! I thought it was wonderful that I could see human cells with my own naked eyes! 1236 CB-0

How I feel Conversing with: myself Sometimes, when I feel pressured by life, I ask myself, What do I truly want? and that helps guide me.710 0-0

Attend lecturesConversing with: science I learned much physics and math in college through lectures, especially physics lectures where professors such as Isaac Abella imparted their intuition. He would say things that the books weren't saying or weren't able to make prominent, but got across the idea at hand and the spirit of the subject.768 1-0

Get to know the classics Conversing with: content I like to read the classics in literature, philosophy, religion and other fields because they help me understand what is pertinent, fundamental, creative, fruitful and influential, what is a real contribution. I enjoyed learning about and listening to classics of rock, jazz and classical music. This also helps me find my own way, what I myself am attracted to, makes me feel safe to do that and not feel manipulated by the spirit of our times. I appreciate the classics as an efficient way to learn.743 1-0

Ask for advice Conversing with: know how I learn many things by asking people who are knowledgeable in particular fields such as computers, Linux, Lithuanian, languages, websites.689 1-1

Interrogate Conversing with: advisor When I go shopping for something I don't know much about, such as shoes, bicycles, hiking equipment, computers or gifts for women, I try to ask the salesperson questions, both to learn about what to look for, and to discern if they are genuinely helping me and I should follow their advice.688 1-1

Try out advice received Conversing with: instruction I've tried out advice from people in nutrition, health, hiking, music, culture, literature... Sometimes these are knowledgeable people and sometimes it just seems that they know something they found useful and are glad to share. Such knowledge tends to be useful, handling some issue, and may be fruitful conceptually, in that it makes personal sense and develops sensitivity in the relevant field.742 1-1

Imagine another person's mind Conversing with: mind In tutoring, I would often understand my students by trying to model their mind, and so imagine the obstacles that were keeping them from solving a problem.692 10-0

Learn from other's mistakes Conversing with: menaces Noting other people's failings and failures, I took them as confirmation not to use drugs, not to manipulate other people or think of us as different. I appreciated the privileges of my life, my opportunities and my need to apply myself and my virtues.765 10-0

Look for what's missing Conversing with: incompleteness In childhood I often chose to study whatever I knew the least about. In sketching out a system for self-education, as in mathematics, I keep thinking, what to add?628 20-1

Address the causes of my bad mood Conversing with: responsibility I wondered about the causes of my moods and concluded that sometimes they have no reason, and perhaps that is their purpose, to kick us out of our usual tracks.758 32-0

Distinguish what I have control over Conversing with: irresponsibility As a child, I was a bit afraid of plants. My mother had a beautiful yard with many plants, including a section with dense ivy and large throated jack-of-pulpits. I was suspicious of plants because they seemed very patient, which could be a ruse. I didn't want to allay my suspicions simply based on what other people did or thought. Yet I realized that, if indeed plants might be malevolent, it was beyond my capabilities to establish that, and so I should accept what people thought.720 32-0

Entertain a doubt Conversing with: possibility As I child, I found plants to be suspicious, because of their possibly great patience, thus unpredictable and dangerous.756 32-0

Observe history in the making Conversing with: history World news is repetitive. It is typically reported before, during and after it happens. And in Lithuania's independence movement, I witnessed how people did not consider creative alternatives but looked to known solutions, namely, independence.767 30-0

Hearing what is needed of me I traveled with my friend to his home in China. He arranged for me to stay there for an additional six weeks with his family. There was no way for me to directly pay his family for food or anything as that would be inappropriate. However, he took care of that for me. The one thing that he set straight was that I would do my own laundry by hand because otherwise his mother would have to do it. So we agreed on that and it seemed to work out well.975 O-0

Value my life Conversing with: God's gift In China, after a conversation with Tong Zhu about the moral dilemmas of being a doctor, I realized that I was too precious to God to make a living as I had from a job that I did not think contributed to society, coding for a health care start-up serving a regulatory mandate of dubious merit.776 O-1

Dievas

Hand evil over to Jesus Conversing with: lack of necessity I rarely have thoughts of the devil, but when I do, I simply say that Jesus has already defeated the devil, and I push them aside.792 A-1

Ignore the devil I ignore the devil because I want to live positively, I want to grow positive, and I don't think the devil is relevant. I thereby learn that the devil isn't relevant, at least not for me to live and grow and give fruit forever.1111 A-1

Take up another's perspective Conversing with: other's wisdom I imagined God's perspective to think that "days of creation" might mean "divisions of everything". I embraced Jesus' perspective such as "love your enemy" and "give everything away". I committed myself to my parents' perspective of living our Lithuanian identity and culture. I respected my childhood peers' perspective of the meaningfulness of being cool.596 B2-1

Share what God says Conversing with: people's relationship with God Almost every morning I link up with God, listen to him and write down what he says. Sometimes I share that with other people. That helps me appreciate that a relationship with God is, it seems, most relevant on a personal level.781 B2-1

Take to heart Jesus's ideas Conversing with: spirit free of this world Love your enemy, give everything away, be true to your wife, pray in twos and threes, engage God.779 B2-1

Bus station lottery When I came to Vilnius, Lithuania in 1997, I enjoyed the Old Town very much, but every weekend I felt an impulse to get out of the city, have an adventure, get some exercise, and also, open up some time to be with God. I also wanted to get to know the country better. But I didn't like the pressure of planning ahead and sticking to a plan. So on Sundays I would go to the central bus station and look for which buses were duly leaving and choose from among them. I thought of this as a "bus station lottery". Bus tickets at the time were very cheap for me, so that for $2 or $4 I could travel for an hour or two or more. I could get off wherever I wanted to along the way. Meanwhile, I would read the cultural newspapers I brought, work on my philosophical notes and engage God a bit. I would get out somewhere, note the schedule of the returning buses, and go for a walk. It was a fun way of mixing things up.1922 C2-0

Live independently Conversing with: life When I went to elementary school it was understood that I was best to address any troubles at school by myself, without involving my parents or teachers. I felt this way especially because I was younger than the other children as I had skipped kindergarten. During recess, I would venture out far into the yard, away from the teachers. Every so often, a troubled child would come and threaten me. Then I would ask God to save me. And always, some stronger child would come and protect me. When I was deciding what university to go to, I thought that it would be best to live away from home because I was very good and obedient and respected my parents' wisdom and experience, and I thought that I would best develop my own decision making if I lived independently. Looking back, I suppose that I learned the most from the many conversations that I had with my roommates.705 C2-0

Take a long walk Sometimes I set aside a day, often Sunday, for an excursion by bus and/or a long walk. I may bring along a philosophical problem that I work on, along with relevant diagrams or notes which I add to along the way. On such trips I often try to spend time with God, too. The trip helps me spend longer time on a problem, wrap my mind around it, clears my mind a bit, perhaps includes some random inputs or insights, helps me feel peaceful and reach deeper into my feelings, balance them out.1700 C2-0

Dedicate my mind Is God good? On Christmas morning once, in Lithuania, I was living in my parents' office, and I thought about God. I realized that there was God outside us and God inside us and they must be the same God, but how? I considered that God inside us is God in system, the Good. I put this together with what I had been considering from the Gospel of John, and realized that Life is the fact that God is good, that they are the same, but eternal life is understanding that fact, keeping them separate, so that God need not be good. So I dedicated my mind to what my heart believed was important. I matched my personal intuition with a statement that I felt must be meaningful. This let me observe and engage a paradox which in a way I resolved. 2257 C2-1

Stay true to God Conversing with: fate As a child in grade school, I was weak and young, but during recess, I didn't want to be protected by the teachers, so I would walk far off into the field. And quite often a disturbed child would come up to bully me. I was a very good child and my response was to be as good as possible and to appeal in my heart to God to save me. Always some stronger kid would come and save me.715 C3-0

Acknowledge that God behaves inconsistently in Scripture Conversing with: God's truth I find it very freeing to note and consider inconsistencies in God's behavior in Scripture. I note that the priest Eli's sons were wicked, and God had them killed in battle, and the Philistines took the ark of Yahweh, and upon hearing that, Eli fell backward and died. (1 Sam 4) Yet the priest Samuel's sons perverted justice, and the people refused them, and wanted a king, and God granted them a king. (1 Sam 8) Or when Zacharias asks the angel Gabriel, "How can I be sure of this?", that his barren wife will give birth, then he is made mute until the child is born, because he did not believe. But when Mary asks the angel Gabriel, "How can this be?", that she will give birth to a child, being a virgin, then the angel explains how. (Luke 1) People draw conclusions from the Scriptures. They may not notice such discrepancies; they may not choose to notice them; and if they do notice them, then they may explain them away in many ways, so as to defend an idea that God is consistent. But given such discrepancies, I don't see how I can draw any conclusions, except that God's reasoning is hidden, or more constructively, that God is inconsistent, practically speaking, from our point of view. Ultimately, God does as God pleases, and God is free, and such a thought is freeing, whereas people are consistent, just as machines are consistent in their outcomes, and alcoholics are consistent in their goals. I've been taught that there are four Gospels so as to have different witnesses tell the same story and corroborate each other. But once I checked their versions of the Resurrection and was astonished to see that they differed in absolutely every fact: who saw Jesus first; how many people were there; where did that occur and so on. They disagree on absolutely every fact and are completely incompatible! Which typically would not be the case if they were lying or inventing. Which suggests that the Resurrection involved a total breakdown of time and space, whether real or imaginary. Noticing such difficulties supports my hope that the Scripture is a perfect text in that it transcends the particular wording or translation, but says something constructive to anybody who reads it in good faith. 764 C4-0

Acknowledging Scripture Conversing with: self-imposed assumptions I acknowledge that Scripture, such as the Gospels of Mark, Matthew, Luke and John, is the message of God intended for us to take to heart. I am attracted to what Jesus says, and I accept his logic. As a youth I read the Gospels, including the Sermon on the Mount, where Jesus says that if your eye causes you to sin, then you should pluck it out, for it is better to go to heaven without an eye, then to go to hell in one piece. Jesus' logic seemed clear and sensible. If I were not to follow it, then I would be denying him and denying Scripture.616 C4-0

Ask God to intercede Conversing with: hope By asking God to intercede, I figure out, what do I truly want? I and other prayed for Lithuania to become free of Soviet occupation and it came true! I loved a woman with all my heart, but I didn't think I should interfere with her free will, so I asked God to fulfill at least two of three wishes of mine, that she visit me, that she be happy and that she fall in love with me. And she did visit me and she was happy, but she didn't fall in love with me.714 C4-0

Do not go along with God Conversing with: baselessness I don't always do as God has me do. In China, as I was writing up how to do the good will exercises, and I was engaging God for his help to work together, God told me to sit on the window sill. I did not want to offend God, but I thought that it was too much to ask of my faith. God was a bit miffed, and his reply was that this put our relationship in perspective. In Chicago, I prayed God that my friend David, who I was living with, not lose his home. God told me that he would stay there, and indeed I would live there with my sweetheart. Even so, I looked for another place to live, because I did not want to live there after it was confirmed sold. God was not mad at me. 726 C4-0

First hand experience Conversing with: my life experiences First hand experience makes me think twice about statements that may otherwise seem questionable, such as Jesus' exhortations that what we believe is what happens. I and others prayed that Lithuania be free of the Soviet Union, and amazingly, this did come to pass. I dedicated myself to know everything and apply that knowledge usefully, and I enjoyed many discoveries which led in 2009 to my overview of knowledge, achieving my goal, and yet continuing onward. I wished to fall in love with a woman whom I could love with all my heart, more than any other, and God blessed me just so. 608 C4-0

Give in to myself Conversing with: tolerance By succumbing to myself, my vices or my weaknesses, I appreciate God's forgiveness, God's slack for others. I am not so stark or harsh.703 C4-0

Hold God's behavior to at least my own standard I loved a woman with all of my heart, but she chose to marry another man. I told God that I still loved her, but that for me to be true to pursuing her, I would have to kill this man. I told God that I wasn't going to do that. And so I told God that he owed me, for I had loved her so completely, and that I wouldn't love a woman unless I loved her more than I had loved this woman. Seventeen years later, unexpectedly, God brought me to such a woman! And I love her unreservedly, and God encourages me.1232 C4-0

Imagine that God is responsible Conversing with: God's wishes When my computer crashes, if I lose a letter or file, then I often stop and wonder, what was the point of losing that? what would God have me do otherwise? And so I try to make good of the loss, often thinking and writing more kindly, or focusing on the key point. In Chicago, when my boss told me he wouldn't give me more hours because I was unwilling to change my approach, then I considered, maybe God doesn't want me to have more hours there, which surprised him, as he was a devout Christian.763 C4-0

Make sense of Scripture Conversing with: God's thinking I learn a different way of looking at things by trying to make sense of concepts from Scripture. 599 C4-0

Seek the most straightforward meaning In reading the Scripture, especially, passages where the meaning is not obvious, I try to consider the most straightforward interpretation, even the most childlike one. It may not be the traditional interpretation because people may want to take away a different meaning than is intended. At the Last Supper, Jesus equated his bread with his body and his wine with his blood, and gave it to his disciples to eat and to drink. Taking him literally, and trying to understand what he might mean, most straightforwardly, I thought, "Given that this is his bread, he will eat it, and it will become his body. In that sense, it is his body already, by its destiny, its purpose. And so, if he gives what is truly his to them instead, he changes its course, and they are eating his body. In the parable of the Good Samaritan, by which Jesus explains the meaning of "neighbor" in "Love your neighbor", he asks, "Who was the neighbor to the Samaritan?" People don't pay attention to the fact that he defines the neighbor as the one who helped, not the one who was hurt.1951 C4-1

Keep checking Conversing with: goodness Over the years, when I have a chance, I ask priests, how can I participate in the Catholic Church to pursue Jesus's vision of the Kingdom of Heaven? I keep checking and so I feel I can tentatively conclude that nobody else is interested.721 F-1

Find something comparable in my own experience Conversing with: insight What does Jesus mean by the "poor-in-spirit"? From my efforts towards a culture of independent thinkers, I deduced that the "rich-in-spirit" are the martyrs, whereas the "poor-in-spirit" want to take many small, sensible leaps of faith, not one big one.698 CB-0

Notice inherent ambiguity I noticed the ambiguity in Jesus' explanation of why he speaks plainly to his believers, but in parables to others, that "they might not understand, they might be damned", which is to say, that he not impinge on their freedom, but that they might be free to accept him or not. The word "might" or "can" can be understood in two ways, by fate or by free will. Similarly, the word "meaningful" in English and in Lithuanian, and I suppose in every language, tends towards two different meanings, one where a word in a system has meaning within it, and another where a life in a world has meaning beyond it.1953 CB-1

Feeling good before God When I wrestle with how to make a living, and I don't know how to think that through, so that even my blood pressure feels high, then I listen especially, what God wants me to do. And when I hear from God, as I do, and take up in my heart what he would have me do, then I feel a great energy of goodness and freedom that overcomes my anxiety. I hold on to that good feeling and it makes me feel that everything will be fine if I am true to God. As I do related work, I feel elated.1234 0-0

Distill the essence*** What are the constituent elements? Conversing with: ideal interlocutor Good will exercises. Andrius's and God's answers to the 12 questions. Deep ideas in math, algebra. Doubts and counterquestions. The truth of the world proceeds from the truth of the heart.598 CB-1

Dialogue with those responsible Conversing with: concern In speaking with leaders of the Chicago Archdiocese's Office of Catechesis, I realized that in the mainstream churches I might best connect with those who love to worship God. 708 1-1

Identifying the issue Conversing with: conditionality I may solve an issue by appealing to the heart of it. For example, I may wonder whether God would let me hear him, whether God would allow for that. Yet of all the things that I could ask for, isn't that the most ordinary one for God to grant? If Jesus encourages us to ask God for things, then isn't this the one that he can't credibly deny me?652 2-1

Moral imagination Conversing with: how things should be I imagined what the end of the world must be like, the making tangible of the Holy Spirit, the return of Christ as the identity of all. As a child, I imagined what death must be like, a slowing down of time to allow for a review and untangling of all of our life.754 32-0

Example (600) Failing to sort messages from God Once I failed miserably with this method. Almost every morning I listen to God and write down what he has to say. After several years, I tried to see if there were any patterns I could detect. However, the answers were so rich and intense that I kept getting dozens of dozens of groups, more and more as I added more data. I wasn't able to find an angle from which I could group his thoughts to me. He didn't seem too pleased, either.1541 31-0

Ask God a question Conversing with: answer In 1985, at the University of Chicago, I asked God, what kind of mathematics was important, and I understood him to say: walks on trees made of the elements of the threesome, which I denoted at the time as I (individual action), C (communal existence), U (universal thought), and I thought related to an infinite binary tree, which would be the case if I, C, U refered to the edges. I never quite knew what to make of that although I did prove a result about counting walks on trees and my thesis could be used to think further about this. I asked God, why did I have feelings for a woman who was too young for me, and he said it was because I will marry her. Also, when I prayed in the mornings, I would ask God a philosophical question and get responses which were very intense and generally more helpful indirectly. Now I mostly just listen to God, what does he have to say.712O-0

Check with God Conversing with: selflessness I check in with God every so often, including when I have doubts on how I may behave, what is allowed or not, how not to be selfish.739 O-0

Write down what God says Conversing with: God's wisdom's noteworthiness I write down what God tells me each morning, including his answers to my questions, and I realize that he (or even my unconscious) is of much more powerful intelligence than I am.780 O-0

Obey God Conversing with: God's wisdom Do good. Go to church. Chastity. Respect my parents.747 O-1

Įsimylėjimas

Not to destroy what I treasured In 1992, I was very sad because the woman I had loved with all my heart had returned home to Lithuania and married a man she loved. I had so many feelings for her. Indeed, I stayed in love with her for about seventeen years. Early on, I thought, maybe I should kill my feelings for her. But I refused. They were my honest feelings that I felt for her. I wasn't going to dampen them. I wasn't going to look for her faults. I wasn't going to diminish myself, who I was and who I could be. I stayed true to them.1231 A-1

Accepting God's assertion I am in love with a woman who God told me I will marry. I don't pray that she marry me because God assures me that she will. I prayed with her that her aunt get well from cancer and God consistently assured me that she would. I asked if I should keep praying, if I should offer myself to him in some way, but he said no. She died, though. Yet they reported that just before she died she bore witness that God truly is, that he had greeted her, and she said that she loved them all very much, and she passed away. I didn't know what to make of this, and when I ask God, he doesn't say.1233 B1-0

Empathize with abstract person Conversing with: person's fate I may think things through without experience but by empathizing with an abstract person. This helps me to be sensitive to human weaknesses, to respond seriously to any talk of suicide, to think compassionately about the education system, health care system, to expect meaning in physical intimacy. I can consider, how might I help a person-in-general in particular circumstances?595 B2-0

Tune myself to my sweetheart Conversing with: mood My sweetheart is a great influence on me. I have every desire to be one with her. So I open myself to her values that I perceive. She loves to worship God and she is a patriot of Lithuania. I can be skeptical of all of that, but not when I think of her, and I am glad that it is what I truly wish to be a part of, too. She is beautiful and she makes me feel chaste, too, for I devote myself to her.711 B4-1

What would make my life easier? In China, one night in bed, I was thinking to myself, how hard it is for me to be Lithuanian. I didn't have anybody to speak to in Lithuanian, I didn't have time to read in Lithuanian, I was learning Chinese and so my Lithuanian was atrophying. I was raised to be Lithuanian, yet it would take an hour a day to truly be so. So I thought that my life would be easier if I lived in Lithuania. A second reason was that it would make it more likely that I could fall in love with a Lithuanian woman, as may unconscious was not allowing me otherwise, for I had grown up in a Lithuanian family and was committed to being Lithuanian. 1590 C2-0

What would make things more likely? In China, one night in bed, I was thinking to myself ... that if I lived in Lithuania, it would make it more likely that I could fall in love with a Lithuanian woman, as my unconscious was not allowing me otherwise, for I had grown up in a Lithuanian family and was committed to being Lithuanian. 1591 C2-0

Muddle through Conversing with: future In 1992, I was elated that the woman from Lithuania who I loved with all my heart had agreed to visit me in California. She stayed for three months, which is long enough that I couldn't quite remember not being with her. When she left, I felt devastated. Within a few months she married a man who she loved, but who hadn't been in love with her. I couldn't help but think about her every fifteen minutes. I knew that it would be a long time before I felt better. I made a plan to combat my depression with regular activities to pull me through. Throughout Lent, I made sure to go to church an extra day each week, on Wednesdays, to be closer to God. I read the Bible every night, hopping around from book to book, reading it all of it for the first time. I read a Chinese classic, "The Three Kingdoms", to entertain myself. And I did sports every day, mostly jogging. The year coincided with my writing my Ph.D. thesis, which was good, because that was a bit of drudgery, too. Three months had gone by when I realized that I was still thinking about her every fifteen minutes, but that my thoughts had changed. I was no longer thinking about our time together, but rather of the feelings that I had thinking about her. And so I realized that my emotional window encompassed the last three months, and although my feelings seemed just as strong, but they were feelings about reflections. And so each three months my reflections were once removed, like copies of copies.728 C2-1

Take care of myself Conversing with: my welfare In 1992, I was deeply distraught when the woman I loved with all my heart returned to Lithuania and married the man she loved, who hadn't loved her. I made a plan to combat my loss with regular activities to pull me through. Throughout Lent, I made sure to go to church an extra day each week, on Wednesdays, to be closer to God. I read the Bible every night, hopping around from book to book, reading it all of it for the first time. I read a Chinese classic, "The Three Kingdoms", to entertain myself. And I did sports every day, mostly jogging. The year coincided with my writing my Ph.D. thesis, which was good, because that was a bit of drudgery, too. 729 C2-1

Be myself Conversing with: my destiny When I have fallen in love, it has generally been wholehearted, and without much chance that my feelings would be returned. Yet I have been true to myself and thereby, I think, grown in integrity and learned what it is that I find lovely in another person.691 C3-0

Come to see or learn Conversing with: my understanding I was in love with a wonderful woman, but she married another man. I didn't stay in touch with her, but I did stay in love with her for almost twenty years. Once she wrote me with condolences on the death of my niece. I wrote her back that she was the dearest person in my life, and for her husband's sake, I didn't think it good that I be in touch with her, but I truly wished that she apply her creative talents somehow, as she was a beautiful soul, and Lithuania needed that very much. A year or so passed and my love finally faded, in part because I thought she wasn't living her talents, and in part because she was working as a cog in the European Union, apparently, not for the short term. Then I fell in love with another woman. It happened, finally, that I had reason to call her, and she was delighted. She told me all of her troubles. Then I raised my concerns that she was not applying herself and that she had sold out. She took it very badly and berated me. I saw how sensitive she was to herself, and not to me, and I wondered, why did I find her attractive all of those years? I realized that the world had changed. During the Soviet occupation of Lithuania, when people did what they could to avoid an inner life, she stood out to me as a person with an amazingly rich one, in which I believed. But now I thought it apparent that it revolved around her own feelings.727 C3-0

Exercise a secondary principle Conversing with: respect My Mother taught me that when I go to a dance, I must invite all of the girls to dance and not just the ones I thought were pretty. And although this was not most important to me, but even so, many times when I did not know whom to ask, I remembered her words and obeyed them. She made me care more about other people.757 C3-0

Visualizing my feelings In 1992, I was devastated because the woman I loved with all my heart, but hadn't been in love with me, returned to her home in Lithuania and married a man she loved, but who hadn't been in love with her. Sometimes I would visualize how I felt. I felt that I was in a deep abyss, so far down that I couldn't even see or imagine the light above, and the abyss went down, down, down. But over the months, as I chugged along, I started to feel the light; I started to imagine the edge of the cliff; I was still down below, but I knew there was a pasture above that edge; that was about six months later. And then one day I felt that I was over the edge. 1230 CB-0

Doubt myself Conversing with: self-understanding Sometime I learn by being open to doubt and responding to it. In eighth grade or so, at Lithuanian Saturday school, the priest who taught us religion asked me and others if we might become priests. I didn't feel such a desire, but I asked myself, why shouldn't I become a priest? This had me think through my reasons: I knew what I wanted to do with my life, and I didn't want to hand over my freedom; I didn't want to do what priests mainly do, which is to distribute the sacraments; I didn't think that Jesus would be a priest, but rather an ordinary person so as to make clear where true authority resides; I wanted to be open to having a sweetheart, marrying her and raising a family. As a grad student, I wondered, how do I know that I'm not gay? Especially if I find some men handsome? I took up this question and explained to myself that I myself had no interest in being gay, and no interest in dwelling on men, handsome or otherwise.718 0-1

Pondering my own legends Conversing with: freedom As a child, certain mental events became reference points. The most significant was engaging God to let me think freely that I might pursue my quest to know everything. Another was in third grade, the day we came back to school from summer. A girl, Rachael Baca, was running around the field in new boots. She was kicking me, as if it was a way to show that she liked me. I wasn't interested. I told God, so this is what girls are all about? I don't want to be any part of this. God said, really? I said, yes, it's not sensible. But then, I thought, I was too harsh, too hurried. Maybe some day I will want to fall in love and have a family? So I told God, not for the next ten years, until I'm seventeen. But I wasn't sure if God heard that, if he and I hadn't already sealed my fate. As it turned out, for at least ten years, and more than that, I was completely incapable of talking to girls, but would regularly fall in love. I thought I was cursed. Perhaps in seventh grade, I told God that there was one reward I would ask for figuring everything out, and that was to have a sweetheart, the most wonderful, beautiful, good and true woman in the world. He asked, do you want her to be your companion in your work? And I said, no, I can do that myself. I just wanted to enjoy her. Truly, when I finished my quest to know everything, at the age of 44, I found her right away! It was if I could look at life and people differently. I am blessed. It was a long wait, but I'm glad.784 0-1

What does my unconscious allow? As a student, I used to think that I might fall in love with any woman who I found irresistibly beautiful and good. But then I realized that my unconscious thought otherwise. My unconscious resisted me having any real feeling for a woman who was not Lithuanian, or at least, didn't speak Lithuanian. I thought that if a woman truly loved me, then she could readily learn Lithuanian and live with me in Lithuania. Maybe that's true. But my unconscious mind thought otherwise. So I took to heart my unconscious.1592 O-1

Padalinimai, atvaizdai, aplinkybės

Avoid pointless debate Conversing with: true knowledge I have lost interest in debate because I have seen it driven primarily by people's ego and desire to "win", without an interest in appreciating, including and reconciling with other points of view, or discovering the essence or the truth, as if without a belief that it truly existed and was there to be found. At best, it is a waste of time, but it can also suck us into fruitless "hot button" topics. In watching debate, I note the clash of perspectives, as structured by divisions of everything, but I find it more productive to consider these clashes more calmly and starkly. Avoiding such debate, I have discovered ways to make progress, such as investigations, focusing on what we don't know but would like to know, rather than what we already think we know.774 A-1

What can or can't be removed? Conversing with: the unthinkable As a freshman at the University of Chicago, I was trying to explain how the concept of everything was an absolute. We seem to all have the concept, but perhaps others might not. One question that helped was to ask whether we could get rid of the concept of everything? My personal answer is no, I don't conceive of how I could let go of such a concept. Thus this supports the property of everything that it is a required concept.1224 B1-0

Take up another's perspective Conversing with: other's wisdom I imagined God's perspective to think that "days of creation" might mean "divisions of everything". I embraced Jesus' perspective such as "love your enemy" and "give everything away". I committed myself to my parents' perspective of living our Lithuanian identity and culture. I respected my childhood peers' perspective of the meaningfulness of being cool.596 B2-1

What can't we have learned We can't have learned the concept of everything because everything we know in the real world is bounded, whereas everything is unbounded.1227 C1-1

Center conversation around philosophical questions Conversing with: comprehension of the essence As a student and a young man, in conversation with others, I would bring up my philosophical questions as often as I could, because they were meaningful to me, and I thought they might influence me and other in a positive way. They also helped me learn if people were serious, what they cared about, whether it could be fruitful to be with them, and after a year or so of such dialogue I would be interested to be friends in a broader sense.782 C2-1

Create my own personal language Conversing with: my insightfulness As I noticed conceptual structures such as divisions of everything, I had to give names to them, both in English and in Lithuanian. Sometimes I adapted existing words and sometimes I made up new words or expressions. Thus I created a private language of a few hundred concepts. This helped me see that I could think nonverbally, because I was able to imagine and think about and relate these concepts without words, although the words were very helpful, too.766 C2-1

Limits of the mind Conversing with: limitlessness I have thought about Everything all of my life, and have found it to have only four properties.735 C3-1

Participate in discussion Conversing with: variety of perspectives What is happiness? I've seen in discussion led by Michael Gillespie that such a question leads to only a few types of answers, namely: joy, contentment, assurance. Which is to say, it is a trigger for a representation of the threesome in terms of doing, thinking and being.769 C3-1

Recognize that I do not know how else to think Conversing with: unavoidability I learned of the divisions of everything by noting the limits of my mind and my inability to think in more than just a few ways.797 C3-1

Perceive a structure in Scripture*** What does structure mean to God? Conversing with: divineness I am encouraged when I observe in Scripture a structure that I am aware of from elsewhere. I noted that Jesus' antitheses in the Sermon on the Mount are six of the counterquestions. I identified Jesus' condemnations, "Woe to you, Pharisees", with the six expressions of the will. I related his parable of the sower and Satan's temptations with the levels of the foursome. This helps me think of these structures from a fresh perspective.725 C4-0

Recognizing a solution Conversing with: making meaningful As a freshman at the University of Chicago, I would regularly come up against the question, Is it possible to know anything at all? I had been discovering "divisions of everything". I was learning how to define what I meant by "everything" and formalizing its four properties. I realized that everything functioned as a first absolute, as an anchor that I and others could know, could communicate, and could refer to.603 T-0

Endow an existing term with new meaning Conversing with: possibilities of language In my philosophy, I made use of the terms "representation" and "topology" from mathematics. I used them in my own way, but also drew from their mathematical meaning. The term "representation" allowed me to distinguish between what is denoted (a matrix representation) and what it denotes (an abstract group). The term "topology" allowed me to consider us imagining not things (as suggested by "categories"), but worlds, backdrops, canvases, which might be simple and fundamental, yet not necessarily expressible in terms of a single statement, rule, principle or quality. 793 T-0

Consider how a word is used in other passages Is God good? Jesus in the Gospels seems to speak in a private language, a personal code, much as I think in my philosophy. I find that about a third of his sayings are unclear as to their meaning. I look for other passages where he uses the same word or image or idea and that helps me decode what I think he means. In the Gospel of John, I traced down that the "Son of Man" means one who is taught by man, and man teaches by making an example out of him. I did a comprehensive review of Jesus's words in the Gospel of John and how he uses and explains his words, I chased them down and found that they centered on doing the will of God, which is that we have eternal life. With further contemplation, I concluded that "life is the fact that God is good, but eternal life is understanding that fact, that God need not be good." Similarly, I've tried to decode Kant's Critique of Pure Reason and the beginning of Heidegger's Being and Time. As I do that, I look for approaches and structures that I myself have uncovered in my own thinking. I think a similar approach led to the decoding of the Rosetta stone and of the Egyptian hieroglyphics as well as many others.1725 CB-0

Reexpress in a different domain Conversing with: answer 540 CB-1

Center conversation within their expertise Conversing with: people's wisdom People aren't generally interested in my philosophical thinking or can't engage me regarding it. So I've learned it to speak with people about their subjects of expertise or interest, especially with my friends, such as psychology with Shu-Hong Zhu, math and physics with John Harland, cognitive science and neuroscience with Giedrius Buracas, and subsequently, with thinkers at up to twenty working groups at my online lab, Minciu Sodas. Through these fields I'm able to express and develop my philosophical ideas and find where they are relevant.783 1-0

Greimas's semiotic square The Lithuanian semiotician Algirdas Julius Greimas developed the semiotic square, for example: White (all light), Black (no light), Not-Black (=grey), Not-White (=colored). Wikipedia: The Semiotic Square, also known as the Greimas Square, is a tool used in the structural analysis of the relationships between semiotic signs. Greimas considered the Semiotic Square to be the elementary structure of meaning. It is associated with the Aristotelian Square of Opposition, Boole's syllogistic, "the logical hexagon of R. Blanche ... as well as to the structures called, in mathematics, the Klein four-group, and, in psychology, the Piaget group.994 3-0

How one thought extends another thought In studying argumentation, I drew a diagram of how my principles unfolded in organizing my Minciu Sodas laboratory. I then considered the ways in which one thought extends another thought, especially on that part Z given by God. I related them to the twelve topologies.

• I can maintain a state Z. be; refuge for spirit
• There are situations where I can address Z. do; opportunity to do good
• Freedom is needed to resolve Z. think; good heart
• Others have it different than me with regard to Z. one; existential question
• I need to consider everybody regarding Z. all; collaborating fate
• I can complete Z. many; peace
• I focus on the essence of Z. object; knowledge from obedience
• I admit my dependence regarding Z. process; duty to obey
• I may wrongly pursue Z. subject; answered prayer
• I am unrestrained with regard to Z. necessary; limits of mind
• I take partial responsibility for Z. actual; inhuman wisdom
• I must appreciate the opportunity of Z. possible; self-contradiction

They may relate to ways of figuring things out. 1695 10-1

Introspection Conversing with: limits of my mind By introspection I sensed the wholeness of various divisions of everything and how a division's perspectives fit together.610 10-1

Structural aesthetics Conversing with: internal imagination I am sometimes informed by my own personal sense of what is attractive structurally. I sense that the foursome, the division of everything into four perspectives, is structured to favor idealism over materialism, and the human over the divine, so that How precedes What, Why precedes Whether, and the former shift precedes the latter shift. I've never quite confirmed that, but it just seems to my moral sensitivity the way those outlooks should fit together. Similarly, I understand that good and bad are opposites, but I generally don't think of them as equals, for example, thinking of good as referring to God beyond the system. Good may not be able to stand on its own, but there is a sense in which it doesn't need bad.639 10-1

Tracking my thinking Conversing with: introspection In watching my own mind and noting how I look at different cases I see that the direction of the twosome changes upon reflection. Our mind shifts readily from "opposites coexist" to "all things are the same" and not the other way around. We shift from same to different because "same" implies opposites (for things to be the same they must also be different) whereas "different" doesn't (different things are just different). But if we think about the words "different" and "same", and thereby distance ourselves from what they mean to our minds, as we so often do, then it seems that different involves opposites ("opposites coexist"), and same does not ("all things are the same").611 10-1

Collect ways of looking at something Conversing with: variety inherent in a phenomenon I developed and conducted good will exercises and noted different tests for distinguishing the truth of the heart and the truth of the world. In general, three of the tests agreed with each other. I think the fourth and most important test, whether the person confuses the truths of the heart and the world, indicates whether the person has resolved the conflict or not. Similarly, I noted the different properties of everything, and more generally, the divisions of everything along with their various representations.660 20-0

Compare structural qualities I noticed that the foursome, fivesome, sixsome each involve structural shifts but they are of a different quality. This was helpful in considering how the primary structures vary.1711 20-0

Choose a fruitful data set Conversing with: circumstances for a phenomenon In developing a theory, I often choose a dataset of examples that makes vivid the phenomenon I am looking for and represents the complete variety of possibility. I analyzed Jesus' feelings and expectations by studying episodes from the Gospel of Mark because it was the most emotional of the Gospel. I studied the content of Jesus' parables in the Gospel of Luke. I studied what is "good" in the Gospel of Matthew. I tried to chase down Jesus' algebra of expressions to understand his "I am..." statements in the Gospel of John. I studied Lithuanian folk tales for my narrative theory because they are old, engaging, consistent and pure. I studied how God is imagined in the first 40 psalms because I was considering topologies as the variety of ways that we can imagine and I thought of God as the most generic yet intimate of concepts. I studied Lakoff and Johnson's target spaces from Metaphors We Live By because they had noted an important phenomenon and their many examples seemed to capture the variety of possibility.657 20-0

Completing a structure by permuting it Conversing with: missing I can complete a structure by noticing the available permutations. I noticed that the virtues in Plato's republic (beauty, bravery, self-control, justice) were the four levels of the foursome colored by the threesome (universal, individual, communal, communal). The virtues in St.Paul's hymn to love (love, hope, faith, loyalty) were likewise the four levels of the foursome colored by the threesome (individual, communal, universal, universal). They had a general form (emotion, virtue, internal perspective, external perspective) and a logic (internalizing the external perspective as an internal perspective fixes the emotion permanently as a virtue). So I deduced a third set of virtues (communal, universal, individual, individual). I searched them out in my understanding of life and found what I was familiar with, honesty. I permuted the emotions and virtues which I was familiar with from my understanding of the division of everything into six perspectives. I realized that was one representation and that the other representation of the sixsome was in terms of internal and external perspectives. Permuting I realized that feelings of closeness or intimacy where immortalized as honesty when we internalize duty as caring. Thus by permuting I noted three expressions of the "meaning of life". Similarly, in studying Buddha's eightfold way and Jesus' prayer "Our Father", I noticed that they were permutations of the same eightfold structure, and a third permutation was the Beatitudes of the Sermon on the Mount.620 20-1

Completing a structure by comparing it to a known template The divisions of everything help me to recognize and complete many structures. For example, Peirce's three kinds of signs (symbol, index, icon) match with three of the four levels of the foursome. I have noticed that very often, philosophers give only three of the four levels because if they are working from a materialist representation, then Why is irrelevant, and if from an idealist representation, then Whether is irrelevant. Thus Why and Whether are null perspectives for the relevant representations. They are the baselines which the others are thought in terms of.1445 20-1

Noting a familiar structure In developing the good will exercises, I was alert to the relevance of structures that I was familiar with, such as the foursome (which arose as the four tests of the truth of the heart and the truth of the world) and the threesome (which gave the structure of the exercises). Similarly, in organizing the ways of figuring thing out with the House of Knowledge, I recalled the structure 4 + 6 where there are 6 pairs of 4 levels.617 21-0

Selecting canonical formulations Conversing with: exceptionality Structures refer to perspectives that are deeper than words, deeper than any particular example. How can we think about them and talk about them? I try to choose words and instances that are canonical. Where possible, I look for the simplest words from every day life that have basically that meaning. I used to call the threesome "being, doing, thinking" or "existing, acting, reflecting" or "communal, individual, universal". Over time, I realized that these were better thought of as representations of the threesome. I now talk about the deeper structure as "taking a stand, following through, reflecting".629 21-0

Compatibility with structures I know In Scripture I sometimes find references to images and numbers that bring to mind the conceptual structures that I have been documenting. I noticed how the seven days of creation could mean events for God, thus the seven divisions of everything, which they match in number. And so I think of creation as an operation +1 of reflection. And I notice with interest that the creations of the first three days are governed by the creations of the next three days, as noted by bishop Skvireckas in his notes to his translation of the Bible into Lithuanian. Similarly, I notice that Ezekiel's chariot of God is carried by four creatures, like the four representations of the nullsome, or the four representations of everything. I notice that there are 24 elders in Revelations. Such coincidences spark my mind and encourage me to think that I may be on track, overall.1954 21-0

Searching for a self-grounded structure Conversing with: order In high school, I was attracted to structures that I tried to make sense of, namely the Holy Trinity, and also the separation of powers. I ran for student body president, successfully, on a platform of strengthening the separate branches of student body government. I was especially interested in figuring out the internal structure, how and why the various parts related to each other, and how that made for the overall structure. My contemplations led the way to my documenting "divisions of everything".614 21-1

Taking up a structure Conversing with: structure By taking up a structure, and appreciating its internal relationships, we can make sense of it. I did this with the "meaning of life", deducing a third set of values to correspond with Plato's and St.Paul's. I did this with Steve Bonzak's principles of Kung Fu.626 32-1

Considering the structure of a null structure In considering representations of the foursome, I noticed the role of "null perspectives" as reference points for the other perspectives. Later, in analyzing the primary structures, and considering how God is injected in them, I noticed that I could think of these structures each defined by "null structures" having their own increasingly complex structure. I think I was much inspired by the idea in modern algebra of a "kernel" to a group homomorphism, a structure which is mapped to the identity action.1702 32-1

Evoking structure with a question Conversing with: answer As a freshman in college, I had an excellent teacher, Michael Gillespie, for Political Order and Change. He would start each class with a relevant question and discussion, and only then proceed to the text we had read, thus showing how the issues arose organically in conversation. Early on, he asked, What is happiness? (The text was the Declaration of Independence.) It was the kind of question to which I sought an absolute answer. I noticed amongst the answers that some people emphasized joy, as in the joy of eating ice cream, but others emphasized contentment, as in reflecting on that joy, and others emphasized assurance, as in knowing that the joy was right and good and real and not a dream. Thus, in the conversation, I saw a threefold structure of doing (joy) and thinking (contentment) and being (assurance). I later realized that the question, What is happiness?, triggered this structure, evoked it.640 32-1

Example (600) Twelve Topologies in Target Spaces for Metaphor In George Lakoff and Mark Johnson's book Metaphors We Live By, I wrote out all of their conceptual metaphors, and grouped them into twelve groups, which I then matched with the twelve topologies.1534 31-0

Example (600) Twelve Topologies in the Psalms I wanted to better understand twelve topologies, which I think of as the vocabulary of the imagination. In the first 40 psalms, I copied out the instances where God is imagined, then grouped them according to the mental image used, and came up with twelve groups, which I then matched with the twelve topologies.1533 31-0

Laying out thoughts Conversing with: thoughts In studying a question, I may collect a full variety of examples, group them and then lay out the groups as index cards on a table, and shuffle them around, looking for different dimensions that they may represent of particular aspects. In this way, I noted 12 ways that I connect with God, but other structures as well, such as the utility of an Irdakiss standard for import/export of data between tools for organizing thoughts. As I do this, a particular structure may come to mind, such as the 12 topologies, and so I will try to flesh it out.627 31-0

Define structure in terms of itself Conversing with: expression, language Structure is complete when it can define itself in terms of itself. This is the case with the threesome, and with the totality of structure, including the three languages.633 30-1

Describing structure in terms of structure I am encouraged, in analyzing a new structure, to find that it leverages or interfaces with structures that I know from before. As I was studying the virtues from Plato's Republic and from St.Paul's hymn to love, I linked them to the foursome, threesome, twosome, sixsome and their representations.1542 30-1

Describing the structure of my mind's actions on structure As I note structures that my mind encounters, I study how my mind interacts with them, and I note the structures that describe such interactions. For example, I realized that my mind conceives a division of everything as one of two or four representations, and those representations are organized by the division of everything into two or four perspectives, respectively.1543 30-1

Noting the limits of my mind In defining the divisions of everything, I noted the limits of my mind in terms of the perspectives that I am able to take up.1545 30-1

Hear from God in a dream Conversing with: God's perspective In dreams, I heard God say, "Those things are which show themselves to be" and "This is the fundamental unit of information" (a tableaux of large and small slashes)787 O-0

Pirminės sandaros

Imagine another's mindset Conversing with: person In studying Jesus's emotions as documented in the Gospel of Mark, I imagined Jesus's mindset, what were his expectations that led to his emotions, and how did he respond? In talking with a person, I can imagine what keeps them from saying things they might say.649 B2-1

Accumulating first hand experiences*** What is the variety of experience? Conversing with: others' experiences I've asked hundreds of people, What is their deepest value in life which includes all of their other values? I learned that some people have a deepest value and have formulated it, others feel it but haven't expressed it in words, and others don't have one that they know of. I learned that whether or not they have one seems to relate to their maturity as independent thinkers; that the deepest value seems to arise from the challenge of integrating competing values; that two people may give it the same name, but when asked further, mean different things; thus that each person seems to have a unique deepest value. Similarly, I've interviewed people about their questions that they don't know the answer to, but wish to answer, as well as their endeavors and dreams. I've also collected episodes in my life, such as ways that I addressed doubts with counterquestions. 612 C2-1

Perceive a structure in Scripture*** What does structure mean to God? Conversing with: divineness I am encouraged when I observe in Scripture a structure that I am aware of from elsewhere. I noted that Jesus' antitheses in the Sermon on the Mount are six of the counterquestions. I identified Jesus' condemnations, "Woe to you, Pharisees", with the six expressions of the will. I related his parable of the sower and Satan's temptations with the levels of the foursome. This helps me think of these structures from a fresh perspective.725 C4-0

Analyzing the ideal person Conversing with: perfection I analyzed Jesus's emotional responses as found in the Gospel of Mark. From those episodes I deduced Jesus's expectations.674 C4-1

Distill the essence*** What are the constituent elements? Conversing with: ideal interlocutor Good will exercises. Andrius's and God's answers to the 12 questions. Deep ideas in math, algebra. Doubts and counterquestions. The truth of the world proceeds from the truth of the heart.598 CB-1

How I feel Conversing with: myself Sometimes, when I feel pressured by life, I ask myself, What do I truly want? and that helps guide me.710 0-0

Clarify assumptions*** Why am I thinking that? Conversing with: question In replying to a doubt with a counterquestion, I am opening myself to consider and clarify my assumptions.648 0-0

Survey existing knowledge Conversing with: what is known As a child, when I started my quest to know everything, I was keen to learn all that what was already known, starting with history, starting with the beginning, the Mesopotamians. Unfortunately, I couldn't find any books on them. So then I read about the Ancient Egyptians. In college, I was excited to be able to learn on a deeper, more serious level, but I had to give up the idea or reading everything and knowing it as it was presented. Yet even when I worked independently, I would try to survey relevant fields. My friend Shu-Hong Zhu made me a list of books relevant for decision making and emotion, and in one book I learned of a study of the emotions that mothers interpreted in faces of babies, namely: content, sad, excited, surprised, frightened, disgusted. I then thought through a model of these as emotional responses based on cognitive expectations.722 1-1

Identifying regularities*** What are independent factors? Conversing with: regularity In studying narration and Lithuanian folk tales, I noticed that the tone of voice creating tension (forcing, commanding, explaining, caring) was constant in the beginning of the story and constant at the end. The voice receiving the tension was unfolded to involve ever more levels of Maslow's hierarchy, until the climax of the story was reached when the need for self-fulfillment was attacked, and then the character was folded back up again. This was all true in each story. In studying the counterquestions, I expressed each as a pair of a perspective and a situation.637 3-0

Expressing the essence as a relation of concepts*** What are the elements of an experience? Conversing with: concepts I formulated the seven counterquestions as perspectives placed in situations. I recognized the qualities of signs as pairs of levels from the foursome. Similarly, I recognized that I could express the secondary structures as injections of God of one level into a primary structure of another level. In studying verbalization, I realized that the deep issue of a good will exercise could be considered as built up from two concepts which are put together differently by the truth of the heart and the truth of the world.682 3-0

Contemplating revelation Conversing with: greater than human perspective I studied the Gospel of John to try to decode what he was saying, specifically in his "I am..." statements, but also more generally, for in that gospel he speaks as if in an algebraic code. He keeps defining abstract words in terms of other abstract words, on and on, and I chased them as if they were equations. At the heart of that seemed to be the will of God that we have eternal life. And that perspective helped me appreciate the tension between presuming God to be good or not. And thus I realized that life is the fact that God is good, which conflates God and good as if they were the same, but eternal life is the understanding that God does not have to be good, so that God and good are separate, and there is an eternal life in reconciling God beyond the system and good within the system.605 10-0

Imagining a mind's circumstances Conversing with: presumptiveness I was studying emotions and read of a set of six that were observed crossculturally. Mothers would see in their newborn babies six emotions: content, sad, excited, surprised, frightened, disgusted. I realized that I could generate these, in my mind, by imagining myself as a child surrounded by alphabet blocks and trying to guess what letter was underneath.653 10-0

Allowing for inconsistency I considered the variety of prayer. I noticed that they have us think of God inconsistently, as one who has fated everything in advance, one who fixes and manages the situation, and one who can guide us spontaneously.1709 20-0

Compare structural qualities I noticed that the foursome, fivesome, sixsome each involve structural shifts but they are of a different quality. This was helpful in considering how the primary structures vary.1711 20-0

Choose a fruitful data set Conversing with: circumstances for a phenomenon In developing a theory, I often choose a dataset of examples that makes vivid the phenomenon I am looking for and represents the complete variety of possibility. I analyzed Jesus' feelings and expectations by studying episodes from the Gospel of Mark because it was the most emotional of the Gospel. I studied the content of Jesus' parables in the Gospel of Luke. I studied what is "good" in the Gospel of Matthew. I tried to chase down Jesus' algebra of expressions to understand his "I am..." statements in the Gospel of John. I studied Lithuanian folk tales for my narrative theory because they are old, engaging, consistent and pure. I studied how God is imagined in the first 40 psalms because I was considering topologies as the variety of ways that we can imagine and I thought of God as the most generic yet intimate of concepts. I studied Lakoff and Johnson's target spaces from Metaphors We Live By because they had noted an important phenomenon and their many examples seemed to capture the variety of possibility.657 20-0

Leveraging hypotheses of structural symmetry I often make large and fruitful leaps by considering the structures that operate at the highest meta level, assuming that they work as efficiently, elegantly, effectively as possible, thus supposing that they make profound use of symmetry. In 1988, in noting the role of the threesome in the eightfold way, I looked for and found three variants (Lord's prayer, St.Peter's Keys to Heaven, Beatitudes). I expected that each served as a framework for a language and that there were, accordingly, three languages: argumentation, verbalization and narration. I saw that Maslow's hierarchy was a backbone for the Beatitudes and I expected it to play a key role in narration, which I found to be the case. I discovered that there were eight divisions, six representations and twelve topologies, and that narration moved us from the divisions to the representations. I also saw that these structures along with argumentation and verbalization could be considered as negations of the representations of the onesome (no internal structure, simplest algorithm, no external context) and negations of the representations of the nullsome (significant, constant, direct) and so these six structures were themselves a spine for the eightfold way. This allowed me to deduce by symmetry that argumentation moves us from topologies to representations, and verbalization moves us from topologies to divisions. Such thinking helps me be alert as to what to look for.1696 20-1

Applying structural possibilities*** What can structure mean? Conversing with: unfolding I studied the statements and truths that arose in developing good will exercises. I noted that given the four questions Why? How? What? Whether?, the heart would address a broader question than the world, with Why being the broadest question. This allowed me to categorize the exercises in terms of the pairs of levels, and indeed, they related to the counterquestions. This left in each case a pair of levels not involved in the counterquestion. I realized that they were relevant to the doubts which the counterquestions addressed. And the order in which they were taken up determined whether they led to positive or negative feelings.681 20-1

Completing a structure by permuting it Conversing with: missing I can complete a structure by noticing the available permutations. I noticed that the virtues in Plato's republic (beauty, bravery, self-control, justice) were the four levels of the foursome colored by the threesome (universal, individual, communal, communal). The virtues in St.Paul's hymn to love (love, hope, faith, loyalty) were likewise the four levels of the foursome colored by the threesome (individual, communal, universal, universal). They had a general form (emotion, virtue, internal perspective, external perspective) and a logic (internalizing the external perspective as an internal perspective fixes the emotion permanently as a virtue). So I deduced a third set of virtues (communal, universal, individual, individual). I searched them out in my understanding of life and found what I was familiar with, honesty. I permuted the emotions and virtues which I was familiar with from my understanding of the division of everything into six perspectives. I realized that was one representation and that the other representation of the sixsome was in terms of internal and external perspectives. Permuting I realized that feelings of closeness or intimacy where immortalized as honesty when we internalize duty as caring. Thus by permuting I noted three expressions of the "meaning of life". Similarly, in studying Buddha's eightfold way and Jesus' prayer "Our Father", I noticed that they were permutations of the same eightfold structure, and a third permutation was the Beatitudes of the Sermon on the Mount.620 20-1

Completing a structure with an eighth perspective*** What is the bigger picture? I am familiar with many structures that have seven-eight perspectives. The seven perspectives form a complete system, yet there is an eighth perspective that looks from beyond the system. Thus I conjectured that there is an eight narrative that takes us from Caring to Commanding, and thus is a story of Creation. Likewise, I conjectured that there must be an eighth counterquestion that stands aside from any doubt, namely, What do I truly want?1446 20-1

Comparing structures*** What is this an example of? Conversing with: generality I note and compare different versions or variants of the same structure, such as St.Peter's Keys to Heaven (his string of virtues from faith to love, Peter 2 1:5-7) and Buddha's eightfold way and other examples of what I call the "eightfold way". The counterquestions, kinds of prayer, ways of engaging the violent, ways we change our mind, all exhibit the same underlying structure. This helps me look at the same structure from different perspectives. The variations may fall into different groups, as with the various representations of the divisions into everything, or the four families of primary structures. The different examples help to confirm the shared structure and its basic features.619 21-0

Properties of living systems I compared various structures I thought were related to properties of life, of living systems, expressing them from different points of view.1664 21-0

Find correlations between structures As I studied Jesus' emotional responses, I looked for correlations between his emotional responses, why he had the emotional response, ways he got things done, ways he showed good will, the avenues opened up for the good, and the directions of the good.1472 21-0

Contrast dimensions*** What are the components? Conversing with: tension in possibilities In analyzing emotional responses, I noted three dimensions: positive vs. negative, calm vs. riled, sensitive vs. insensitive. I later saw how these were relevant in the good will exercises. In analyzing the counterquestions, I saw how they related a perspective with a situation.669 21-1

Recognizing a structure's purpose*** Which structures are distinct? Conversing with: purpose A very powerful technique is to consider the purpose of a structure. Over several years I had collected a dozen or more examples of structural frameworks consisting of seven or eight perspectives, depending on how you looked at them. I had tried to conceive of them as a single structure, yet that seemed less and less tenable. Finally, I made a list of what seemed to be the purpose of each structure. I noticed four purposes:

• An attitude for submitting to God (significant). Cataloging our needs and operating principles to address those needs, yet choosing to live forever.
• A language for supporting others (direct). Cataloging our doubts and counterquestions to address those doubts, translating our intuition.
• A world for supporting life (true). Cataloging our expectations and our emotional responses to them.
• A plan for supporting God (constant). Listening to God, cataloging our trials.

(Looking back, it's interesting that I ordered the four differently than I would now. I thought of them as four representations of the eightsome, four holes for generating slack, matching the representations of the nullsome.) And having grouped them so, I could see that I could think of them from God's point of view as wishes (for nothing - God is self-sufficient; for something - God is certain; for anything - God is calm; for everything - God is loving) and our own point of view as not-wishes.625 32-1

Applying a structure Conversing with: applicability I knew that my mind could encompass six perspectives, but not seven or eight, as in the Lord's prayer, and this helped me figure out how to listen to God. I realized that if I tried to contemplate each line of the Lord's prayer, then this would overload my mind, flatten me out, and indeed I would find myself before God, as if in my world there was a rift that opened up above me.621 32-1

Taking up a structure Conversing with: structure By taking up a structure, and appreciating its internal relationships, we can make sense of it. I did this with the "meaning of life", deducing a third set of values to correspond with Plato's and St.Paul's. I did this with Steve Bonzak's principles of Kung Fu.626 32-1

Augmenting a structure with its purpose*** What is the significance of a structure? Conversing with: meaningfulness I had noticed that the good will exercises could be organized into six groups based on the pairs of questions that they asked from whether? what? how? why?, the heart asking the broader question, with why? being the broadest. Then I noticed, starting with a few examples, that the questions could be answered yes or no, and that the heart would answer one way, and the world another way. Given a doubt, Is this truly wrong?, and the counterquestion, Is this the ways things should be?, the world says, "It is wrong, it should Not be this way", but the heart says, "It is wrong, it Should be this way", which is to say, that wrong behavior like the crucifixion of Jesus happens for a purpose. I realized that this is indeed part of the very purpose of the counterquestions, to distinguish between the heart and the world, and thus this observation adds new meaning to the counterquestions, aside from their ability to wrench us out of our doubts and our experience.676 32-1

Considering the structure of a null structure In considering representations of the foursome, I noticed the role of "null perspectives" as reference points for the other perspectives. Later, in analyzing the primary structures, and considering how God is injected in them, I noticed that I could think of these structures each defined by "null structures" having their own increasingly complex structure. I think I was much inspired by the idea in modern algebra of a "kernel" to a group homomorphism, a structure which is mapped to the identity action.1702 32-1

Sort first hand experience Conversing with: possible experience I have often collected examples from first hand experience and sorted them into groups. For example, I collected personal anecdotes where I had grappled with a doubt and addressed it with a counterquestion. Sorting these situations led to a system of seven counterquestions.600 31-0

Express intuition in terms of principles Conversing with: right behavior I or others have intuition on some subject. I learned to express that in terms of a set of principles, typically seven and eight. With Joe Damal's help I formulated and analyzed my principles, how to engage enemies, and also his principles, how to organize people, and how to get things done. I likewise worked with Steve Bonzak to formulate and systematize his principles of kung fu. 597 31-0

Example (600) Contents of Jesus' Parables What did Jesus have to say? I wrote out each of Jesus's parables from the Gospel of Matthew and then sorted them into groups based on the point that each parable was making. I reduced them to eight sayings which I then fleshed out structurally.1535 31-0

Example (600) Directions of the Good In what sense did Jesus use the concept good? What is good, what are the sources of good, where does the good come from? I made a copy of the Gospel of Luke and cut out each reference that he made to the good. I grouped them according to what was good. I found eight groups which I then structured.1536 31-0

Example (600) Sort episodes from the Gospel of Mark I sorted episodes from the Gospel of Mark according to my interpretation of Jesus' feelings and how he responded to them.664 31-0

Example (600) Why we change our minds Joe Damal and I asked dozens of Chicago youth, Did you ever change your mind? and Why? and grouped the reasons into eight categories, which I then helped him structure.1537 31-0

Describe behavior in terms of general principles Conversing with: behavior I considered Jesus' behavior, how he got things done to address his emotional responses based on his expectations. I concluded that he expected that we are all one and, as a general principle, he spoke to the good will in others.667 31-1

Note the behavior that characterizes each category Conversing with: character I looked in the Gospel of Mark for episodes where Jesus exhibited emotional responses and grouped them accordingly. Then for each group I considered Jesus' behavior, what expectations he had that generated that response, and how did he then address his feelings by getting things done.668 31-1

Working out a structure Conversing with: airtightness I analyzed the eightfold way's structure, its various permutations and how its various pieces fit together, for example, the gradation of six levels which forms its spine and organizes the divisions of everything.618 30-1

Ask God what I should think over so as to understand? 1999.08.18: I asked God which questions I should think over so as to understand why good will makes way for good heart. He responded:

• What captures attention and guides it?
• What drops down upon reality and bounces away in random paths?
• What is wound in one direction, and lives through spinning in the opposite direction?
• What falls as rain day and night until there sprout and grow plants that will bear fruit?
• What like a ray reflects off of society and does not return?
• What by its turning (in the direction of winding) commands our attention and then slips away to the side?

That's all. Go work. I didn't know what to make of these, but I thought they all seemed to point to gyvas rupestis, Lithuanian for living care, which demands continuous effort but is unconscious of it, and is almost the opposite of love. 1470O-0

Ask God what interests him? 1999.08.18: In my personal work I want to do some investigations into a question that is of interest to God. I told him so and he responded: Why does Good Will make way for Good Heart?1468 O-0

Kalbos

Example (612) Stories about the money mind 2006.09.03 Earlier this year I thought through with John Rogers an online learning environment for community currency design that was based on first hand knowledge of the money mind. In particular, we expected personal stories to play a key role. I had made for myself a list of my own personal experiences with money. Today I wrote up more than 60 of these vignettes and am sorting through them and analyzing them. I wanted to see how the data compared to the theory. These stories are little episodes in life that I recall and that I learn from. It seems to me that each of them focuses on one of three emotional dimensions: Calm vs. Riled; Positive vs. Negative; Sensitive vs. Insensitive. Each episode seems to help distinguish between the opposites in some way. 888 C2-1

Assume self-consistency My study of narration, and Lithuanian folk tales in particular, yielded an interesting result, that the tone of voice (forcing, commanding, explaining or caring) at the the beginning of a story was constant, as well as at the end of the story, but the two tones of voice were different, which meant that something noteworthy happened in between. This theory was very fruitful because in each unit of narrative (where tension was created and relaxed) I could consider the tone of voice. Sometimes it was clear, and in the cases where it was note, I could infer it from the constancy. For example, I could deduce that crying was a form of commanding. Thus I built up a catalog of ways the tones of voice manifested themselves and then test that catalog to see if it indeed held true. I could build up such catalogs for various cultures and genres and even write computer programs to make such inferences, tests and deductions.1666 F-0

Restating structures Conversing with: science I was inspired by the works of Christopher Alexander and Stephen Toulmin, but I rethought and accepted their ideas from my own point of view.622 CB-1

Inverting conclusions Conversing with: conclusions As I considered the truths of the heart and of the world from some forty goodwill exercises, I noticed that both were related to their topic, but in different ways. Given a deep issue such as "helping", there was a truth of the heart, "I should help those who ask for help", and a truth of the world, "My help should not make things worse", each teaching something about "helping". I thought of the former as "accomodating of helping" and the latter as "helping of reprioritizing", and in general, I noticed that each truth was such a "double gerund". In the truth of the heart, the issue "helping" was qualified by "accomodating", whereas in the truth of the world, "helping" was a qualifier for "reprioritizing". I realized that "helping" could be defined as "accomodating of reprioritizing" and then realized that I could turn this process around. I could work backwards to ask, what are the truths of the heart and of the world about "accomodating"? how does it break down as a pair of gerunds? and work my way backwards to the most basic issue. And I knew the six most basic issues in that the truths of the heart and of the world took up different levels of the foursome, making for six pairs in all. So I had a method for working backwards from real life examples "in the field" to a theoretical foundation for them.624 3-0

Phenomena coincide in that they appear together Conversing with: identity In phonology, semiotics and other structural disciplines, there is a principle that two phenomena are the same if they appear together, so that no change in meaning is ever signified should one stay the same, but the other change. 795 3-0

Phenomena coincide in that they never appear together Conversing with: continuity In phonology, semiotics and other structural disciplines, there is a principle that two phenomena are the same if they never appear together. For example, Superman and Clark Kent must be the same person because they are never seen together.794 3-0

Diagram what follows from what Conversing with: assumptions In studying argumentation, I drew diagrams to track which principle builds on which principle. In studying ways of figuring things out, I likewise considered, which way depended on which.773 3-0

Identifying regularities*** What are independent factors? Conversing with: regularity In studying narration and Lithuanian folk tales, I noticed that the tone of voice creating tension (forcing, commanding, explaining, caring) was constant in the beginning of the story and constant at the end. The voice receiving the tension was unfolded to involve ever more levels of Maslow's hierarchy, until the climax of the story was reached when the need for self-fulfillment was attacked, and then the character was folded back up again. This was all true in each story. In studying the counterquestions, I expressed each as a pair of a perspective and a situation.637 3-0

Expressing the essence as a relation of concepts*** What are the elements of an experience? Conversing with: concepts I formulated the seven counterquestions as perspectives placed in situations. I recognized the qualities of signs as pairs of levels from the foursome. Similarly, I recognized that I could express the secondary structures as injections of God of one level into a primary structure of another level. In studying verbalization, I realized that the deep issue of a good will exercise could be considered as built up from two concepts which are put together differently by the truth of the heart and the truth of the world.682 3-0

How one thought extends another thought In studying argumentation, I drew a diagram of how my principles unfolded in organizing my Minciu Sodas laboratory. I then considered the ways in which one thought extends another thought, especially on that part Z given by God. I related them to the twelve topologies.

• I can maintain a state Z. be; refuge for spirit
• There are situations where I can address Z. do; opportunity to do good
• Freedom is needed to resolve Z. think; good heart
• Others have it different than me with regard to Z. one; existential question
• I need to consider everybody regarding Z. all; collaborating fate
• I can complete Z. many; peace
• I focus on the essence of Z. object; knowledge from obedience
• I admit my dependence regarding Z. process; duty to obey
• I may wrongly pursue Z. subject; answered prayer
• I am unrestrained with regard to Z. necessary; limits of mind
• I take partial responsibility for Z. actual; inhuman wisdom
• I must appreciate the opportunity of Z. possible; self-contradiction

They may relate to ways of figuring things out. 1695 10-1

Completing a structure with an eighth perspective*** What is the bigger picture? I am familiar with many structures that have seven-eight perspectives. The seven perspectives form a complete system, yet there is an eighth perspective that looks from beyond the system. Thus I conjectured that there is an eight narrative that takes us from Caring to Commanding, and thus is a story of Creation. Likewise, I conjectured that there must be an eighth counterquestion that stands aside from any doubt, namely, What do I truly want?1446 20-1

What a structure must do, at a minimum In 1988, in Vilnius, I was studying Lithuanian folk tales in order to develop a theory of narration. I realized that I should break down a tale in terms of atomic units. I wondered, what is the nature of such a unit? What is its purpose? And I realized that, at a minimum, it must be able to keep our attention. I noticed that it must create tension, but soon enough, it must relax that tension. Only so can it keep our attention, by switching back and forth. This made it possible to define the unit. And I could it define it directly with regard to the listener or reader (!) and only indirectly, slightly arbitrarily, with regard to the teller or writer.1302 32-1

Analyzing examples Conversing with: wholeness I studied the language of Argumentation by diagramming the principles that I took up over time as I pursued my business and laboratory, Minciu Sodas.613 30-0

Distinguish different kinds of nodes in a diagram In studying argumentation, I analyzed how my principles unfolded in organizing my Minciu Sodas laboratory. In my diagram, I used different colors to distinguish different kinds of "driving ideas":

• Black is for my personal principles. Those are reasonings that might not apply to other people, but seem to be fixed in my life, they are the definition of who I am. I'm morally bound to be true to them, to the extent that they express my person.
• Blue is for my personal opinions. They are the conclusions I have drawn from my own experiences in my own situation. They might actually be wrong, but I live with them as the best that I can draw from my real life experience so far. They are practical observations about the world I live in.
• Red is for my personal decisions. They are the choices that I have made to try to solve the pressures and conflicts of my principles and opinions. Usually it's the only positive choice that I can think of. But it's a choice that is optional, it's a step that I could have simply not taken.
• Green is for my personal inspirations. They are the extra ideas that weren't necessary but I wanted to throw into my life. They are the ideas that represent the most freedom that I exercise.

I think that assigning the colors helped me think further, how does one thought extend another thought?1694 30-0

Immersing myself in a single example I spent much time analyzing the folk story "Ragana and Jonukas" as a representative example of folk stories in general. I wanted to understand the details and be able to explain their relevance.1544 30-0

Ask God a question Conversing with: answer In 1985, at the University of Chicago, I asked God, what kind of mathematics was important, and I understood him to say: walks on trees made of the elements of the threesome, which I denoted at the time as I (individual action), C (communal existence), U (universal thought), and I thought related to an infinite binary tree, which would be the case if I, C, U refered to the edges. I never quite knew what to make of that although I did prove a result about counting walks on trees and my thesis could be used to think further about this. I asked God, why did I have feelings for a woman who was too young for me, and he said it was because I will marry her. Also, when I prayed in the mornings, I would ask God a philosophical question and , which were very intense and generally more helpful indirectly. Now I mostly just listen to God, what does he have to say.712O-0

Hear from God in a dream Conversing with: God's perspective In dreams, I heard God say, "Those things are which show themselves to be" and "This is the fundamental unit of information" (a tableaux of large and small slashes)787 O-0

Pulling structures together Conversing with: totality I considered how to pull together all the conceptual structures I found, in my overview. I likewise considered how the Beatitudes (and Maslow's hierarchy of needs) served as a framework for the language of Narration.623 O-1

Geros valios pratimai

Example (1102) Who wants to listen to God? In 1995, just as I was preparing to engage others to make my philosophy practical, and so developing the good will exercises, I was inspired by Kangning Liou, who would pray for an hour every morning. I thought I should certainly pray more, but especially if I am to lead and even influence people, I need to be able to converse with God and listen to God. I thought that if this was possible for me, then it should be possible for others as well. Yet few people seem to hear God. Then I realized that few people want to hear God for they would then be accountable to obey him.1104 A-0

Good wins out over bad Conversing with: goodness In presuming that good must be more relevant than bad, I understood to give priority to good will exercises that grew out of positive feelings (and so expressed right thinking we could share) instead of those that addressed negative feelings.672 B2-0

Taking to heart people's perspective Conversing with: people's inclinations People weren't very interested to do good will exercises with me. They aren't very interested in my laboratory's services. I keep their interests in mind to know that my activities aren't central or basic in most people's lives and that I may be fundamentally on the wrong track.643 B2-1

Note what is interesting to others Conversing with: their attention I learn more with and from others by being open to what they are interested. In looking for participants for good will exercises, I would ask what issues riled them. In looking for work or clients, I look for who I might serve, and how. In organizing online groups, I center them around the deepest value of a leader. That way I hope that at least two of us, they and I, will be active. In general, I learn that there are people who are fascinated by things that I am not, but could be, and so they help me stretch and grow.650 B2-1

Acknowledging people's natural inclination Conversing with: people's inclinations In developing good will exercises, I learned that people who are riled about some surface subject typically aren't too interested in the deeper issue that fuels it. People, in general, aren't interested in whatever would make them more responsible, such as truly knowing everything or hearing from God.645 B2-1

Heartful interaction Conversing with: others as equals As I developed good will exercises, through many conversations with others, I learned that I could open up to new angles by alternatively stepping in (looking subjectively) and stepping out (stepping back, looking objectively). I learned how to get past the surface issue, the "hot button" issue, and get to the deep issue underlying it.646 B2-1

Disagreement of views Conversing with: contradiction In organizing the good will exercises, I learned early on that, for a given issue, we wouldn't agree what truth came from the world. Often I felt that it was clear that people couldn't see past their own principle, couldn't acknowledge the dead end that they were in. People kept focusing on whatever got their buttons. They would disagree about an issue, such as gang violence, but actually, when you heard them out, in their minds they were approaching that issue from their own very personal angle, often only tentatively linked to the "hot button" words. So I developed a way to ask about their feelings, to balance negative feelings with positive feelings, and derive their real issue issue from the subject matter of their feelings.655 B3-0

Create conditions Conversing with: inspiration In 1995, encouraged by Joe Damal, I wanted to start applying my philosophy practically. I decided to consider situations where I wanted to follow the truth of the heart, as opposed to the world. But where to start? I gave myself a year to develop good will exercises. Every two weeks I invited friends and all who might be interested to help me think this through. In between, I would write up and mail out and email out a newsletter reflecting on the last meeting and preparing for the next meeting. I conducted the meetings so that they always yielded some new idea, some step forward.651 B4-0

Step in, step out*** How to generate a profound, new and relevant idea? Conversing with: spirit In 1996, in developing the good will exercises, I wanted to make sure that each meeting yielded some insight that helped me develop them further. It was not easy because people didn't quite believe that something could come from such ideas and they kept drifting off in tangents. Yet those tangents were like gradients that showed what directions our minds could move in. I was able to note those gradients as others talked. But as they talked, they drifted away from the main point I cared about. So I had to talk to keep bringing them back to the main point. And as I talked I would immerse myself, pay attention to what I was feeling and thinking, and myself perhaps go to far afield. I started explaining this dynamic as "step in, step out". We should try to develop a rhythm where as one person "steps in" and brings forth from their personal experience, others should step back and watch the dynamics of the conversation. This yields a flutter, the Holy Spirit, as happens at the Chinese bible study that I'd go to sometimes with my friend Shu-Hong. I think it allows us to feel how different mental paths are possible from a particular point, and thus makes it real in its freedom. One question that came up thereby was raised by Bob, which was, how does he know that I won't brainwash him? This led me to think, how do I keep from being brainwashed, and so I recalled science fiction questions that I pondered in junior high school such as, "How do I know that I'm not a robot?" and the answers that I developed, counterquestions such as "Would it make any difference?" So I developed a whole theory and structure of counterquestions.656 B4-0

Invite all people Conversing with: God's will In my activities, I've tried to be and stay open to everybody and not be exclusive. I have tried not to worry about people's intelligence, competence, reliability, wealth or niceness. This has helped me to be more flexible with regard to what might happened, how things might develop, and be more appreciative as to what other people might contribute. It has also gotten me to develop relevant filters, such as expecting certain behavior. I've focused on "independent thinkers", expected people to be accountable to their own deepest value in life, or to engage me based on their own question that they wish to answer.699 B4-0

Desire to live as an example Conversing with: my destiny I wanted to put my philosophy into practice and so I started developing good will exercises to address situations where we are riled because we believe one thing in our hearts, but in the world it is otherwise. In pursuing this, I wanted to live as an example. After two years I stopped because I realized that being riled meant that my mind was thinking wrongly, and so why start from that and encourage myself and others to focus on that? Later, after I completed my video summary "I wish to know", I wanted to start a culture, but more and more I realized that it was not by living as an example to emulate, but by playing a role that God put me in a position to play.737 C3-0

Applying Scripture Conversing with: heritage I wanted to have a way to hear from God, so I relied on the prayer "Our Father", which I had prayed many times, was part of my personal heritage, my family's heritage and my religious upbringing. 673 C3-1

Do not go along with God Conversing with: baselessness I don't always do as God has me do. In China, as I was writing up how to do the good will exercises, and I was engaging God for his help to work together, God told me to sit on the window sill. I did not want to offend God, but I thought that it was too much to ask of my faith. God was a bit miffed, and his reply was that this put our relationship in perspective. In Chicago, I prayed God that my friend David, who I was living with, not lose his home. God told me that he would stay there, and indeed I would live there with my sweetheart. Even so, I looked for another place to live, because I did not want to live there after it was confirmed sold. God was not mad at me. 726 C4-0

Remembering a solution*** What life experience is relevant? Conversing with: memory In 1996, I was organizing meetings to think through "good will exercises" for living by our hearts. One of our participants, Bob, asked how we might be sure that I wasn't going to brainwash them? I thought about this and remembered how in junior high school I had struggled with questions such as, "How do I know that I'm not a robot?" Back then, I had come up with a reply, a counterquestion, namely, "Would it make any difference?" I thus considered several dozens such situations and developed a theory of doubts and counterquestions.677 T-0

Generalize from examples Conversing with: validity In developing the good will exercises, and considering situations that riled me, I saw that, in the case of a homeless person, I myself was not following the truth of my heart. From this one example, I looked for this principle in general. Similarly, when I noticed, in discussing the question, What is happiness? that there was a division of three at play, I started considering, what would it mean to divide everything into two parts? or four parts? and so on.666 T-0

Believe in God Conversing with: inexperience I wondered, why were people so hesitant to do "good will exercises" with me? Why did they not want to let go of their experience in the sense that I was? Why was I able to live on the edge? I realized that I do believe in God. I do believe that God watches over me. I can therefore do risks to do the right thing. I then appreciated that people might not be able to do that if they don't believe in God. I drew this conclusion even though I had been very careful to think that people might not need to explicitly believe in God, but might have some comparable concept. Yet I saw that, to my dismay, they generally didn't.696 T-1

Real life exercise Conversing with: response I developed "good will exercises" by which I and others assimilated "truths of the heart" through real life exercises, not just hypothetically.635 F-0

Apply my discoveries Conversing with: significance of knowledge I have not simply wanted to know everything, but also to apply that knowledge usefully. This has shaped the questions that I've chosen to take up. In 1995, encouraged by Joe Damal, I set upon applying my philosophy practically. I addressed situations where we believe one thing in our heart, and the world teaches us differently, and we feel riled. As I meant to lead and influence people, I sought for a way to pray to God that I might listen to him. With the good will exercises, I found ways to capture and express people's intution. In Lithuania, I needed a way to make a living, so I started up Minciu Sodas, a laboratory for independent thinkers, where I tried to make use of conceptual structures to structure our online space and activity. In fostering a culture of truth, I am sharing, documenting and structuring ways of figuring things out. My practical impulse has thus focused me on questions that engage what's at the heart of my personal life.775 F-0

Learning from real life activity Conversing with: life After spending a year developing good will exercises, and another year conducting them, I came to understand that the person who is riled is wrong and confuses the truth of the world for the truth of the heart. I realized that people weren't keen to do such exercises. By doing them, I was focusing on what riled people, whereas I should be focusing on peace, as Jesus greeted in peace. In organizing Minciu Sodas, I learned that people don't want to dedicate themselves to a culture of independent thinkers.602 R-0

Learning from my failures Conversing with: other possibilities I learned not to brag about my mind because that can hurt others; to be ready to lead because others may not be ready;to use the simplest vocabulary so that I would be understood by everybody; to make clear my main point so that people could help me; to not be modest so that people would be aware of what I can do.675 R-0

Take to heart an exception to a rule I had noted four tests to distinguish truths of the heart from truths of the world. The most important test was that the person who is riled regarding a subject confuses the truth of the heart and of the world. I tried to apply these tests as carefully and openmindedly as possible to make sure that they held true and I was not biasing the results. In developing a good will exercise with Annette Robinson about an issue that she cared about, it happened that what she thought and felt was the truth of the heart, what she kept coming back to, was indeed the truth of the heart as determined by the other three tests. This gave me pause to think. Later, I came across a few other such cases. After developing some forty exercises, I realized that I should be focused primarily on feelings of peace rather than what made people riled, and so my good will exercises were not grounded on the right foundation. Subsequently, I realized that this particular test compared with the other three tests may simply indicate whether a person was confused or not regarding the truth of the heart. If they were confused, then their frustration would continue to build. If they were no longer confused, then their frustration was dissipating. So it was actually more useful as an indication of their state of mind rather than whether the truth itself was of the heart or of the world. The other three tests could account for that.1665 R-0

Equate two statements Conversing with: issue In developing the good will exercises, I would ask people, if they were riled about a surface topic, what made them feel bad about it? What would make them feel worse? What would make them feel good? And what would make them feel even better? I would express their answers as starkly as possible. Then I would look for what their statements had in common, ignoring the negative and positive dimensions, and focusing only on the semantic content. This would yield the deep issue.662 CB-0

Distill the essence*** What are the constituent elements? Conversing with: ideal interlocutor Good will exercises. Andrius's and God's answers to the 12 questions. Deep ideas in math, algebra. Doubts and counterquestions. The truth of the world proceeds from the truth of the heart.598 CB-1

Recognize a structure from its parts Conversing with: my own knowledge In the good will exercises, I recognized the relevance of the threesome because, with regard to the homeless, I was not following through on my stand. I therefore considered that likewise there could be exercises which help me reflect upon following through, or take a stand upon reflecting.724 CB-1

Riled is wrong Conversing with: my own peace In doing the good will exercises, I concluded that I and others who feel riled are actually thinking wrongly. We have been living from the truth of the world instead of the truth of the heart. We confused the two. I suppose that is why people are suspicious of others who speak agitatedly, but receptive of those who speak calmly.671 0-0

Note the nature of the origin of a statement Conversing with: sources In developing the good will exercises, I noted the following test to distinguish the truths of the heart and of the world: We can point to the truth of the world with examples, but we can't show or learn the truth of the heart and it must already be in us. I can show many examples that "My help could make things worse", whereas I can in no way show that "I should help those who need or want help", but it must be innate. I can appeal to one's knowledge of the latter with illustrations and analogies, but I can't show it in the world.670 1-0

Contrast two statements, positive and negative Conversing with: comparability In developing a good will exercise, if I am riled by something negatively, then I ask myself, what would make me feel even worse? and this opens up space for me to ask, what would make feel good? and even better than that? Then I contrast the resulting statements so that their parts align and contrast sharply.661 2-0

Counterbalance one's personal feelings Conversing with: fairness In developing good will exercises with people, they were generally riled by a surface topic at which they could only look at one way. If the topic made them feel bad, then I would ask them, why? and what would make them feel even worse? That would open up possibility inside of them for me to ask, what would make them feel good? and even better than that? I would contrast the four answers so they were as intense and comparable as possible, and then compare them, what did they all have in common, yielding the deep issue.659 2-0

Heighten the contrast of statements pulling us in opposite directions On any abstract topic, contrasting truths of the heart and of the world arise, so that they pull in opposite directions, they suggest opposite actions. I heighten that contrast.1652 2-0

Compare outcomes Conversing with: causality The truth of the world follows from the truth of the heart, but not the other way around. I have observed this logical direction in 40+ good will exercises that I developed. It serves as one of four tests for distinguishing the truths of the heart from the truths of the world. For example, if "I should help those who need or want help", then soon it will be relevant that "My help could make things worse". But if I start with "My help could make things worse", then I will never help anyone! So "I should help those who need or want help" is the truth of the heart, whereas "My help could make things worse" is the truth of the world.663 2-1

Inverting conclusions Conversing with: conclusions As I considered the truths of the heart and of the world from some forty goodwill exercises, I noticed that both were related to their topic, but in different ways. Given a deep issue such as "helping", there was a truth of the heart, "I should help those who ask for help", and a truth of the world, "My help should not make things worse", each teaching something about "helping". I thought of the former as "accomodating of helping" and the latter as "helping of reprioritizing", and in general, I noticed that each truth was such a "double gerund". In the truth of the heart, the issue "helping" was qualified by "accomodating", whereas in the truth of the world, "helping" was a qualifier for "reprioritizing". I realized that "helping" could be defined as "accomodating of reprioritizing" and then realized that I could turn this process around. I could work backwards to ask, what are the truths of the heart and of the world about "accomodating"? how does it break down as a pair of gerunds? and work my way backwards to the most basic issue. And I knew the six most basic issues in that the truths of the heart and of the world took up different levels of the foursome, making for six pairs in all. So I had a method for working backwards from real life examples "in the field" to a theoretical foundation for them.624 3-0

Comparing levels of the foursome: Why? How? What? Whether? Conversing with: scope of a statement On a given subject, one way to distinguish the truths of the heart and of the world is that, given four questions - whether, what, how, why - with why being the broadest - the heart asks the broader question. This also leads to six different pairs, thus categories into which the related topic and good will exercise fall into.680 3-1

Cross check Conversing with: truth I found four different ways to distinguish between the truths of the heart and of the world. Three of the ways corresponded with each other all of the time in the more than 40 good will exercises that I developed. These tests thereby affirmed each other: We can point to the truth of the world with examples from experience, but not the truth of the heart, which must be in us already; the truth of the world follows from the truth of the heart, but not the other way around; and given four questions, whether-what-how-why, why being the broadest, the truth of the heart asks a broader question than the truth of the world. The fourth test is that the person who is riled is wrong, and confuses the truths of the heart and the world, but in some cases they didn't and I had to ammend my conclusions regarding that test.723 3-1

Feel through a specific case Conversing with: characteristicness The truth of the world follows from the truth of the heart, but not the other way around.658 10-1

Collect ways of looking at something Conversing with: variety inherent in a phenomenon I developed and conducted good will exercises and noted different tests for distinguishing the truth of the heart and the truth of the world. In general, three of the tests agreed with each other. I think the fourth and most important test, whether the person confuses the truths of the heart and the world, indicates whether the person has resolved the conflict or not. Similarly, I noted the different properties of everything, and more generally, the divisions of everything along with their various representations.660 20-0

Building my own collection of examples I reflect on my own activity and study it. I developed and conducted about 40 good will exercises. As I collected them, I studied how they fell into groups, and analyzed the nature of the system as a whole. Similarly, I am studying the ways of figuring things out and organizing them in a House of Knowledge which turned out to have 24 rooms.1444 20

Applying structural possibilities*** What can structure mean? Conversing with: unfolding I studied the statements and truths that arose in developing good will exercises. I noted that given the four questions Why? How? What? Whether?, the heart would address a broader question than the world, with Why being the broadest question. This allowed me to categorize the exercises in terms of the pairs of levels, and indeed, they related to the counterquestions. This left in each case a pair of levels not involved in the counterquestion. I realized that they were relevant to the doubts which the counterquestions addressed. And the order in which they were taken up determined whether they led to positive or negative feelings.681 20-1

Noting a familiar structure In developing the good will exercises, I was alert to the relevance of structures that I was familiar with, such as the foursome (which arose as the four tests of the truth of the heart and the truth of the world) and the threesome (which gave the structure of the exercises). Similarly, in organizing the ways of figuring thing out with the House of Knowledge, I recalled the structure 4 + 6 where there are 6 pairs of 4 levels.617 21-0

Appreciate a person's weakness Conversing with: obstacles I once asked a colleague what their deepest value was and, when they told me, I was taken aback, because I thought it personally happened to be their weak point. As I thought about myself and others, I decided that a person's deepest value is both their strong point and their weak point.751 21-1

Contrast dimensions*** What are the components? Conversing with: tension in possibilities In analyzing emotional responses, I noted three dimensions: positive vs. negative, calm vs. riled, sensitive vs. insensitive. I later saw how these were relevant in the good will exercises. In analyzing the counterquestions, I saw how they related a perspective with a situation.669 21-1

Finding the obstacle Conversing with: weaknesses Recognize in the three-cycle (take a stand, follow through, reflect) where am I stuck and thus feel riled.678 21-1

Spanning the obstacle Conversing with: strengths In designing good will exercises, I expected them to consist of three parts - taking a stand, following through, and reflecting - that we might assimilate the truth of the heart. I realized, from a particular example, and from contemplating the general situation, that we must be having difficulty with one of those three parts. Therefore, we should place that one in the middle of the exercise, so that the exercise might help us overcome that obstacle by spanning it from and to what we knew we could do.679 21-1

Coinciding of endeavor and circumstances Conversing with: possibility I wanted to document my accumulated intuition and I realized that I should be able to do this with a good will exercise that focused on what got going my positive feelings.644 32-0

Recognizing and reexamining an assumption Conversing with: purpose In 1997, after a year developing the good will exercises and a year of doing about forty of them, and after much theoretical reflection on them, I realized that it was better to be peaceful than to be riled. The person who is riled is thinking incorrectly, confusing the truths of the heart and the world, whereas the person at peace is thinking correctly. But my whole purpose of the good will exercises was to deal with situations where we are riled, where we believe one thing in our hearts, and we see another thing in the world, and we struggle to follow our hearts. It turns out that we are riled because we are confused. I also saw that, aside from myself, people didn't seek to participate. The exercises helped me with several issues that I had in my life, and they made me more at peace and appreciate that. So I realized that the exercises were problematic in that they had us start with and focus on our being riled instead of our being at peace. And so I stopped doing them.641 32-1

Augmenting a structure with its purpose*** What is the significance of a structure? Conversing with: meaningfulness I had noticed that the good will exercises could be organized into six groups based on the pairs of questions that they asked from whether? what? how? why?, the heart asking the broader question, with why? being the broadest. Then I noticed, starting with a few examples, that the questions could be answered yes or no, and that the heart would answer one way, and the world another way. Given a doubt, Is this truly wrong?, and the counterquestion, Is this the ways things should be?, the world says, "It is wrong, it should Not be this way", but the heart says, "It is wrong, it Should be this way", which is to say, that wrong behavior like the crucifixion of Jesus happens for a purpose. I realized that this is indeed part of the very purpose of the counterquestions, to distinguish between the heart and the world, and thus this observation adds new meaning to the counterquestions, aside from their ability to wrench us out of our doubts and our experience.676 32-1

Example (600) Ways of engaging the violent As a good will exercise, I and Joe Damal noted our many experiences engaging the violent, which I distilled to eight principles for doing so.1538 31-0

Example (600) Ways of getting things done Joe Damal and I noted ways of getting things done and grouped them into eight ways.1539 31-0

Example (600) Dimensions of organic work: Principles of community organizing Joe Damal and I noted principles of community organizing and grouped them into eight ways: Address problems of individuals, Stimulate public interest, Heighten awareness of values, Bring together community resources, Train ourselves and others to act as leaders, Bring out societal issues that need to be addressed, Recognize other opportunities for investigations, Challenge ourselves.1540 31-0

Contrast types Conversing with: mind's circumstances I analyzed the six kinds of truths of the hearts and the world given by pairs from the four levels (why, how, what, whether), what is common to each type, which I then realized was related to the counterquestions. 665 31-1

Work in tune with God Conversing with: sensitiveness In China, I asked for God's help to write up together how to develop the "good will exercises", which I did with full attention to God.748 O-0

Šviesuoliai

Have rapid cycles of learning When I started my laboratory, Minciu Sodas, in 1998, I was living month-to-month, even week-to-week, not certain what I would try next. I think I learned a lot this way because I had very rapid and flexible cycles of learning. I had long term rhythms in my life for what I knew was important, but a snappy cycle for responding to opportunities.1106 A-0

Increase God's possibilities Conversing with: God's will In 2002, I had reached my limits financially. I had failed to generate interest in an import/export standard for tools for organizing thoughts. I was in Chicago, and I had to think of finding any job. Indeed, my plan had been that, having a mathematics Ph.D. and some programming skills, I could always find a job. However, the US was in a recession. And I realized that my resume did not reflect a standard career and, with hundreds of people applying for each job, I would be weeded out early on for almost all jobs. Yet my own rationalizations could keep me from finding work, too. How could I know what to do? So I decided to increase God's possibilities by taking a fourfold approach. I applied for some full time positions. I applied for work through temp agencies (but the little work they had went to their earlier workers). I wrote some ambitious proposals for my lab (including writing a paper which won a travel award and took me to India and then home to Lithuania). I looked for part-time work through my network and was hired by Shannon Clark for a few months of corporate work that paid well. By taking all approaches I felt that I kept myself open to God's plans for me.693 B2-0

Taking to heart people's perspective Conversing with: people's inclinations People weren't very interested to do good will exercises with me. They aren't very interested in my laboratory's services. I keep their interests in mind to know that my activities aren't central or basic in most people's lives and that I may be fundamentally on the wrong track.643 B2-1

Note what is interesting to others Conversing with: their attention I learn more with and from others by being open to what they are interested. In looking for participants for good will exercises, I would ask what issues riled them. In looking for work or clients, I look for who I might serve, and how. In organizing online groups, I center them around the deepest value of a leader. That way I hope that at least two of us, they and I, will be active. In general, I learn that there are people who are fascinated by things that I am not, but could be, and so they help me stretch and grow.650 B2-1

Correspond openly Conversing with: extensions By corresponding openly, through mailing groups with public archives, I am able to learn to what extent I shape a new culture or clash with an existing one. I learn how others maintain or influence a culture. I saw how Janet Feldman felt offended by my righteousness when I openly criticized Peter Ongele for asking me for funds rather than explaining when he would repay me the money I loaned him.734 B2-1

Dialogue with another Conversing with: others as they understand themselves In speaking with others, I developed 12 questions that I thought were especially useful for understanding, engaging and supporting them.630 B2-1

Create public space Conversing with: principles By organizing Minciu Sodas, an online laboratory, entirely public, I had the chance to watch people grow, mature, learn as they acted on their beliefs and reflected on the consequences.736 B3-0

Writing letters in my mind I remember writing many letters in my mind, notably while I would ride my bike through the orchards of California's Central Valley and towards the Sierra mountains, when I worked in Visalia in 2001 as a software developer. Often, I never had a chance to write these letters, so they kept evolving. 1851 B3-0

Collect investigatory questions Conversing with: person's vitality What is a question that you don't know the answer to, but wish to answer? I have collected such investigatory questions from about 200 people. They are deep, beautiful, profound, inspiring questions. They have enormous variety. They are related to people's deepest values. They show how a person is growing. They can be studied in terms of their structure.731 B3-1

Collecting endeavors Conversing with: aims In 2007-2009, in leading the Minciu Sodas laboratory, I collected endeavors from more than 100 participants. This helped me know who actually wanted support and how we might organized around them. What endeavors were key, strategically? I noticed how narrower endeavors supported broader endeavors.604 B3-1

Identify strategic endeavors Conversing with: productiveness I drew a map of endeavors for the Minciu Sodas laboratory and our participants to show how they can all be related. Then, as Direktorius, I chose strategic endeavors which I should invest my efforts in because they would best leverage our efforts on behalf of all of our endeavors, including my quest to make Minciu Sodas viable so that I could make a living.733 B3-1

Relate endeavors Conversing with: might In 2007, I asked participants of Minciu Sodas, my online laboratory, what did they want to achieve? Then I organized the endeavors with a diagram, a map, where broader endeavors led to narrower endeavors. The broadest endeavor I took to be God's endeavor, to reach the hard to reach.732 B3-1

Invite all people Conversing with: God's will In my activities, I've tried to be and stay open to everybody and not be exclusive. I have tried not to worry about people's intelligence, competence, reliability, wealth or niceness. This has helped me to be more flexible with regard to what might happened, how things might develop, and be more appreciative as to what other people might contribute. It has also gotten me to develop relevant filters, such as expecting certain behavior. I've focused on "independent thinkers", expected people to be accountable to their own deepest value in life, or to engage me based on their own question that they wish to answer.699 B4-0

Accumulating first hand experiences*** What is the variety of experience? Conversing with: others' experiences I've asked hundreds of people, What is their deepest value in life which includes all of their other values? I learned that some people have a deepest value and have formulated it, others feel it but haven't expressed it in words, and others don't have one that they know of. I learned that whether or not they have one seems to relate to their maturity as independent thinkers; that the deepest value seems to arise from the challenge of integrating competing values; that two people may give it the same name, but when asked further, mean different things; thus that each person seems to have a unique deepest value. Similarly, I've interviewed people about their questions that they don't know the answer to, but wish to answer, as well as their endeavors and dreams. I've also collected episodes in my life, such as ways that I addressed doubts with counterquestions. 612 C2-1

Try out all possible solutions Conversing with: impossibility In avoiding bankruptcy, I'm trying to take every reasonable step along the way. In trying to make a living from my business, Minciu Sodas, I kept looking for the most promising and sensible opportunity. In pursuing my sweetheart, I'm trying to show that I care about her in every way. In trying to save David's home, and especially, in encouraging him to take action to save it, I've tried to show that I'm ever interested. These are all areas where I can't assure my own success yet must try to do my part.755 C3-0

Jesus focused on what is natural Sometimes, as my debts grew, I would wonder if I should have foresworn from ever going into debt. However, I realized the positive aspects of my debts. And I recalled that Jesus discouraged saving, but had much to say about debtors, which he seemed to take as the natural human condition, and which makes sense, given that we're created by God and raised by our parents.1109 C4-0

Make a back up plan Conversing with: support In embarking on my business, Minciu Sodas, to organize independent thinkers, I hedged myself and my debts with the thought that I would find work if my efforts failed. But then later I came to learn that, having taken my path, it was not so likely that I could get a job or that it could be honest work.697 T-0

Comprehending my role Conversing with: everybody After I concluded my quest to know everything with my video summary, "I Wish to Know", and after I failed to make Minciu Sodas a viable business because our culture was too weak, I thought about my own role. I had worked to include others as equals in a culture, although of evidently different levels of maturity. But now I thought that, given my goal to apply my findings and foster a culture, I should appreciate my own role in that. I myself might be more central to such a culture than I had supposed.642 T-1

Apply my discoveries Conversing with: significance of knowledge I have not simply wanted to know everything, but also to apply that knowledge usefully. This has shaped the questions that I've chosen to take up. In 1995, encouraged by Joe Damal, I set upon applying my philosophy practically. I addressed situations where we believe one thing in our heart, and the world teaches us differently, and we feel riled. As I meant to lead and influence people, I sought for a way to pray to God that I might listen to him. With the good will exercises, I found ways to capture and express people's intution. In Lithuania, I needed a way to make a living, so I started up Minciu Sodas, a laboratory for independent thinkers, where I tried to make use of conceptual structures to structure our online space and activity. In fostering a culture of truth, I am sharing, documenting and structuring ways of figuring things out. My practical impulse has thus focused me on questions that engage what's at the heart of my personal life.775 F-0

Be naive Conversing with: my assumptions As I studied, I supposed that the more I learned in school, the more kinds of jobs I could do and find when the time came. I thought that math was practical and that I would find many ways to apply a Ph.D. Later, as I took loans and risks to start my lab, Minciu Sodas, I thought that I could always find a regular job if I failed. I thought so, accepting tenants of my environment. Now, I see differently, but my wholehearted naivete then, my lack of doubt then helps me as I now reflect and conclude.695 F-0

Find out for myself Conversing with: limits set by constraints Sometimes I'm able to observe and learn first hand rather than through books and schools. In Lithuania, in 1988 and 1989, I was able to observe up close Lithuania's reform movement which achieved independence from the Soviet Union. In 1980, I visited Lithuania as a 15 year old, and was able to talk to relatives of various backgrounds. I walked the streets of Vilnius and saw how different buildings that I recognized from Saturday school all fit together spatially with regard to each other. I traveled through Europe in the summer of 1989 and saw with my own eyes the plaza of Venice which Marco Polo departed from. From 1998 to 2010, I sought clients for Minciu Sodas and gained first hand experience of sorts in business.687 F-1

Get out of my comfort zone Conversing with: self-check At times, I made an effort to go outside my comfort zone, especially to reach out to those who are marginalized. I chose to live with my grandmother in her neighborhood, Marquette Park, which had become primarily Black American. I would practice engaging the youth hanging out on the corner. I ventured into the Black American community to join a Catholic church there, St. Benedict the African. In 2006, I stayed for three weeks in Nablus, Israeli-occupied Palestine, and taught nonviolence there.704 F-1

Accept feedback from failure I was working to promote an import export standard through the Infrared Data Association. After a difficult start there was a meeting where we had a good chance of making it happen. However, as Rob Lockhart explained to me afterwards, I oversold, I tried too hard, I was too vocal and aggressive, and members backed away, and then afterwards the chance was gone for the whole endeavor. So that is where I learned what it means to oversell. Yet in my mind I felt that if that's what it all amounted to, then it was not a very important matter, and I would not fret that.971 R-0

What is fruitful is positive Sometimes, as my debts grew, I would wonder if I should have foresworn from ever going into debt. But time and again I realized that the pressure of my debts kept me from sitting still, from stagnating, and forced me to be enormously creative in ways that I probably would not have been otherwise. I realized that it was good, just as negative numbers are good, because they open up more possibilities.1108 R-0

Express in Lithuanian Conversing with: meaning of an expression Lithuanian words are transparent in meaning. So I try to express concepts in Lithuanian to understand them. I thus expressed "culture" as "commonality".760 CB-1

Structure laboratory around endeavors based on metaphysical categories Early on, I organized Minciu Sodas around a system of ten categories (four for supporting caring, six for supporting thinking) much as in the absolute learning of the House of Knowledge. I was hoping that what we learn from our activity would yield insights to the metaphysical structures and vice versa. Ultimately, I abandoned this to organize around individuals and their deepest values.1471 CB-1

Distill the essence*** What are the constituent elements? Conversing with: ideal interlocutor Good will exercises. Andrius's and God's answers to the 12 questions. Deep ideas in math, algebra. Doubts and counterquestions. The truth of the world proceeds from the truth of the heart.598 CB-1

Vouch for my beliefs with my own life Conversing with: my rightness As I developed the good will exercises, I wanted to learn from other people's experiences, and I wanted to foster a shared culture. But I thought it would be wrong to lead people to do what I wouldn't do myself. That would be to abuse them. So I've always looked to experiment on my own life, and especially in spiritual matters, to vouch for my beliefs with my own life. That helps me be in touch with my own beliefs.647 0-1

Center conversation within their expertise Conversing with: people's wisdom People aren't generally interested in my philosophical thinking or can't engage me regarding it. So I've learned it to speak with people about their subjects of expertise or interest, especially with my friends, such as psychology with Shu-Hong Zhu, math and physics with John Harland, cognitive science and neuroscience with Giedrius Buracas, and subsequently, with thinkers at up to twenty working groups at my online lab, Minciu Sodas. Through these fields I'm able to express and develop my philosophical ideas and find where they are relevant.783 1-0

Example (34) Caring about thinking I organized the Minciu Sodas laboratory in terms of ten online spaces to support ten different goals, four of re-caring and six of re-thinking, towards our overall goal of "caring about thinking".1706 AL

Recognize that I have nothing better to do Conversing with: causes Why do I want to know everything? Why am I organizing the kingdom of heaven? The most relevant answer that I have found is simply that I have nothing better to do.796 20-0

Compare perspectives Conversing with: dialogue I compared my answers to the 12 questions with what I imagine God answers to be. I realized that I live in circumstances but God does not; and that I myself wish for God to be, but God need not wish to be. My perspective sometimes differs from my parents' and other people's.593 21-0

Ranking first hand experience Conversing with: value I have collected distinct answers from more than 600 people to the question, What is your deepest value in life which includes all of your other values? In 2006, I tried to make a map of these values by asking my lab's leaders to rank 30 values as to which they personally felt closer to, and which farther from. I thought of these different scales as sonar readings from which I could reconstruct the underlying geometry.634 31-1

Reinterpret the system I used to think that I should be generous to the government with my money and pay it willingly and err on the side of paying more taxes. I wouldn't take the standard meal deductions because they seemed unrealistically large. But after having such a hard time with my business and realizing that there is nobody to care for me, I started to take them. I figured that this was the system's way of supporting me. 970 O-1

Suvedimas

Accumulate thoughts Conversing with: my mind I have kept notes of my philosophical thoughts. In high school, I jotted down scribbles of my thoughts on physical reality, energy and matter and light. In college and graduate school, I would jot notes on paper, but my thoughts were so murky, and headed off in so many directions, I found it impossible to write them up. Then I purchased an Amstad word processor with memory and I started writing up my ideas. I continued with my father's old Macintosh which he gave me. I also kept sketch books with my notes and ideas. Then I put the papers in presentation books with transparent pockets. I programmed a FoxPro database for collecting examples of structures. Later I created Microsoft Access databases for recording data from my good will exercises, my conversations with God, and my structures and diagrams. I used Windows Paint to create diagrams. Later I used Dia diagram editor for Linux. I used Stephen Danic's Lucid Fried Eggs. Ultimately, the best tool for accumulating and organizing my notes was a wiki. I used PmWiki and ProWiki. Now I have created a database for collecting ways of figuring things out. Since I graduated in 1993, I work almost every morning on my philosophy. I try to come up with at least one new idea every day. I remember my ideas by connecting them with my overall system and also by phrasing relevant questions which I can keep in mind. Writing down my thoughts and organizing them helps me to see where they fit within the overall system. I would forget them if I didn't write them down because there are so many.592 C2-1

Sorting thoughts Conversing with: limits of my mind I've written my thoughts as notes on paper, in sketchbooks, and on index cards and in presentation books. I've stored them in various databases, including FoxPro, Access and OpenOffice Base. But I've found it especially helpful to write them down on HTML pages, especially wiki pages. I've used Lucid Fried Eggs, PmWiki, ProWiki and my own interface. Sometimes I work on them on one humongous page, sorting and resorting my thoughts and notes, making hundreds and hundreds of edits. Other times I work with several hundred different wiki pages. Working with the master page helps me look for and develop the overall view.638 C2-1

Exhaustive review Conversing with: significance In 2009, to my surprise, I completed my quest "to know everything" with a 10 minute video summary, "I Wish to Know". I needed to find my bearings afterwards. I considered, in the broadest sense, what did I learn from my quest? And what came next? I learned two things. I need not be cold or distant to God as I had been, I need not keep God at arm's length, for God's point of view had made sense of absolutely every structure that I had uncovered in my search. I realized also that the useful application of this knowledge would be to foster a culture of truth, of self-learning, of figuring things out, which from my experience at Minciu Sodas was very much Jesus' vision of the Kingdom of Heaven. 707 C4-1

Consider how a word is used in other passages Is God good? Jesus in the Gospels seems to speak in a private language, a personal code, much as I think in my philosophy. I find that about a third of his sayings are unclear as to their meaning. I look for other passages where he uses the same word or image or idea and that helps me decode what I think he means. In the Gospel of John, I traced down that the "Son of Man" means one who is taught by man, and man teaches by making an example out of him. I did a comprehensive review of Jesus's words in the Gospel of John and how he uses and explains his words, I chased them down and found that they centered on doing the will of God, which is that we have eternal life. With further contemplation, I concluded that "life is the fact that God is good, but eternal life is understanding that fact, that God need not be good." Similarly, I've tried to decode Kant's Critique of Pure Reason and the beginning of Heidegger's Being and Time. As I do that, I look for approaches and structures that I myself have uncovered in my own thinking. I think a similar approach led to the decoding of the Rosetta stone and of the Egyptian hieroglyphics as well as many others.1725 CB-0

Turn a question on its head Conversing with: circumstances Given a question, such as, Why is there evil? I may invert it, assume "there is evil" and ask, What does that say about God? Rather than pretend that there is no evil, or that it only appears to be evil, or presume that God is good, I allow myself to think more simply that God isn't primarily concerned with evil, that God wants absolutely all of the good, and is willing to allow for evil if that's what it takes to include every least bit of good. In this way, I can say that there is some good that comes with evil, yet there is other good that need not, and so evil is not necessary in general.770 0-1

Making sense of a statement through personal intuition Is God good? I was contemplating God and the idea that he was both inside us and outside of us, yet the same God. I remembered an idea of Jesus from the Gospel of John and, in contemplating both, I made sense of its meaning: that life is the fact that God is good, uniting them, but understanding that fact, distinguishing them, is eternal life, by which God need not be good. I believed there was meaning in a statement, and by leveraging my personal intuition, I was able to get that meaning. I think that Father Dave Martin prepared his sermons similarly, relating his personal intuition to a passage from the Gospel, noting how it differed, and contemplating the difference.2258 1-0

How are two concepts different? I thought "life is will" and I asked, what is the difference? At first, I supposed that life is the "unity" of the "representations" of "anything", whereas will is the "unity" of the "representations of anything". Subsequently, I concluded that anything is the structure of life, choosing is the representations of anything, and will is the unity of choosing, thus the will is the unity of the representations of the structure of life. 1699 2-0

Identifying the issue Conversing with: conditionality I may solve an issue by appealing to the heart of it. For example, I may wonder whether God would let me hear him, whether God would allow for that. Yet of all the things that I could ask for, isn't that the most ordinary one for God to grant? If Jesus encourages us to ask God for things, then isn't this the one that he can't credibly deny me?652 2-1

Define a concept in terms of other concepts I wanted to be sure to include and define all of the basic concepts in life. I wanted to do that in terms of the most basic concepts, and ultimately, ground them in the structures that I was discovering. I defined life as "the fact that God is good" and love as "support for life" and also as "the unity of the representations of the structure of God", thus "the unity of wishing", "the unity of the representations of everything". I organized these definitions using TheBrain and then later exported that to an HTML hierarchy. I knew that this kind of definition was, by itself, problematic and so I looked for other ways of defining as well, such as by way of "mind games" as with the topologies.1698 3-0

Expressing the essence as a relation of concepts*** What are the elements of an experience? Conversing with: concepts I formulated the seven counterquestions as perspectives placed in situations. I recognized the qualities of signs as pairs of levels from the foursome. Similarly, I recognized that I could express the secondary structures as injections of God of one level into a primary structure of another level. In studying verbalization, I realized that the deep issue of a good will exercise could be considered as built up from two concepts which are put together differently by the truth of the heart and the truth of the world.682 3-0

Absolute Learning In real life, we address our doubts (surface problems) with counterquestions (deep solutions). I may doubt, How do I know I'm not a robot? and because that has me question all of my experiential knowledge, I can't resolve that by staying in the same level as my problem. Instead, I ask a counterquestion that takes me to my metalevel: Would it make any difference? If there's a difference, then I can check if I'm a robot. If there's not a difference, then it's just semantic and I'm fine with being a robot (by analogy, #3 and #4 may actually be equivalent in some total order). My counterquestion in this case forced you to pin down your variable, like forcing an "arbitrary" epsilon to be fixed so that I could choose my delta accordingly. There are six doubts answered by six counterquestions:

• 10 Do I truly like this? How does it seem to me?
• 20 Do I truly need this? What else should I be doing?
• 21 Is this truly real? Would it make any difference?
• 32 Is this truly problematic? What do I have control over?
• 31 Is this truly reasonable? Am I able to consider the question?
• 30 Is this truly wrong? Is this the way things should be?

Consider also the qualities of signs:

• 10 malleable: icon can change without thing changing
• 20 modifiable: index can change without thing changing
• 21 mobile: index can change without icon changing
• 32 memorable: symbol can change without index changing
• 31 meaningful: symbol can change without icon changing
• 30 motivated: symbol can change without thing changing

And consider the "ten commandments". Note that these six "rooms" correspond to the six divisions of everything as generated by God taking up the counterquestions. The zeroth division corresponds to What do I truly want? and obeying God, and the seventh division corresponds to Am I doing anything about this? and caring=believing, living as a person-in-general, thus relating (Obeying) God the Father and (Believing) Jesus. Consider how the other secondary structures likewise arise in the house of knowledge from God's taking up the primary structures.34 AL

Example (34) Investigation of 6+4 I'm investigating the conceptual structure of 6+4. I'll be keeping some notes here as I find convenient. I'm wondering if error may play a role in pairing two levels. Directed, cyclic, causal graphs may allow for the study of whether there are errors and how they may be corrected.1834 AL

Example (34) Primary and Secondary Structures I came to realize that the six secondary structures (divisions, representations, topologies, argumentation, verbalization, narration) were given by pairs of levels of the foursome that injected God into primary structures.1707 AL

Example (34) Symmetric functions I wrote my Ph.D. on the combinatorics of the symmetric functions of the eigenvalues of a matrix. I think it may well be relevant here because it gives the foundations of all matrix combinatorics including walks, cycles, words, Lyndon words, and surely all manner of trees and priorities. The usual symmetric functions may also be relevant.1713 AL

Contemplating revelation Conversing with: greater than human perspective I studied the Gospel of John to try to decode what he was saying, specifically in his "I am..." statements, but also more generally, for in that gospel he speaks as if in an algebraic code. He keeps defining abstract words in terms of other abstract words, on and on, and I chased them as if they were equations. At the heart of that seemed to be the will of God that we have eternal life. And that perspective helped me appreciate the tension between presuming God to be good or not. And thus I realized that life is the fact that God is good, which conflates God and good as if they were the same, but eternal life is the understanding that God does not have to be good, so that God and good are separate, and there is an eternal life in reconciling God beyond the system and good within the system.605 10-0

Survey all of the structures that I know I made a survey of all of the conceptual structures that I had found and was familiar with. I was able to put them together in a system 1 + 6 + 4 + 1 that is much like half of the House of Knowledge.1708 20-0

Leveraging hypotheses of structural symmetry I often make large and fruitful leaps by considering the structures that operate at the highest meta level, assuming that they work as efficiently, elegantly, effectively as possible, thus supposing that they make profound use of symmetry. In 1988, in noting the role of the threesome in the eightfold way, I looked for and found three variants (Lord's prayer, St.Peter's Keys to Heaven, Beatitudes). I expected that each served as a framework for a language and that there were, accordingly, three languages: argumentation, verbalization and narration. I saw that Maslow's hierarchy was a backbone for the Beatitudes and I expected it to play a key role in narration, which I found to be the case. I discovered that there were eight divisions, six representations and twelve topologies, and that narration moved us from the divisions to the representations. I also saw that these structures along with argumentation and verbalization could be considered as negations of the representations of the onesome (no internal structure, simplest algorithm, no external context) and negations of the representations of the nullsome (significant, constant, direct) and so these six structures were themselves a spine for the eightfold way. This allowed me to deduce by symmetry that argumentation moves us from topologies to representations, and verbalization moves us from topologies to divisions. Such thinking helps me be alert as to what to look for.1696 20-1

Compatibility with structures I know In Scripture I sometimes find references to images and numbers that bring to mind the conceptual structures that I have been documenting. I noticed how the seven days of creation could mean events for God, thus the seven divisions of everything, which they match in number. And so I think of creation as an operation +1 of reflection. And I notice with interest that the creations of the first three days are governed by the creations of the next three days, as noted by bishop Skvireckas in his notes to his translation of the Bible into Lithuanian. Similarly, I notice that Ezekiel's chariot of God is carried by four creatures, like the four representations of the nullsome, or the four representations of everything. I notice that there are 24 elders in Revelations. Such coincidences spark my mind and encourage me to think that I may be on track, overall.1954 21-0

Pregnant structure A structure may be able to say more than I know it to say, especially along with other structures. When I realized that I could think of the secondary structures could be expressed as God of one level of the foursome injected into a primary structure from another level, I noticed in particular in 2003 what happened to the seventh perspective of the primary structures. They showed an interesting variety of behavior, which I thought of as six expressions of the will, six representations of anything:

• I engage
• I wait, in suspense
• I believe
• I rely
• I love
• I suffer

Subsequently, I related them to six of the ten commandments, and to Jesus' logic of the woes.1697 32-1

Define structure in terms of itself Conversing with: expression, language Structure is complete when it can define itself in terms of itself. This is the case with the threesome, and with the totality of structure, including the three languages.633 30-1

Pulling structures together Conversing with: totality I considered how to pull together all the conceptual structures I found, in my overview. I likewise considered how the Beatitudes (and Maslow's hierarchy of needs) served as a framework for the language of Narration.623 O-1

Išsiaiškinimai

Considering inseparability of perspectives I am hypothesizing, based on my results with just a few rooms, that for each room of the House of Knowledge there are two groups of ways, one that relates to the heart and another to the world. I'm wondering if those two groups are inseparable, if they somehow must go together and thus fit together, for otherwise there could be 48 rooms and not 24 rooms, but there are many structural reasons why there should be only and exactly 24 rooms, but especially because the omniscope has 24 perspectives, and also because it matches well with the number of divisions 24/3=8, topologies 24/2=12 and representations 24/4=6. Furthermore, inseparability would be an intriguing notion. It would also relate to what I call anti-structure or the division of everything into -1 perspectives, which is given by an opposite, as in the perspective of free will, where good and bad coexist and are inseparable, unable to stand alone. 1304 CB-1

Diagram what follows from what Conversing with: assumptions In studying argumentation, I drew diagrams to track which principle builds on which principle. In studying ways of figuring things out, I likewise considered, which way depended on which.773 3-0

Building my own collection of examples I reflect on my own activity and study it. I developed and conducted about 40 good will exercises. As I collected them, I studied how they fell into groups, and analyzed the nature of the system as a whole. Similarly, I am studying the ways of figuring things out and organizing them in a House of Knowledge which turned out to have 24 rooms.1444 20-0

Survey all of the structures that I know I made a survey of all of the conceptual structures that I had found and was familiar with. I was able to put them together in a system 1 + 6 + 4 + 1 that is much like half of the House of Knowledge.1708 20-0

Noting a familiar structure In developing the good will exercises, I was alert to the relevance of structures that I was familiar with, such as the foursome (which arose as the four tests of the truth of the heart and the truth of the world) and the threesome (which gave the structure of the exercises). Similarly, in organizing the ways of figuring thing out with the House of Knowledge, I recalled the structure 4 + 6 where there are 6 pairs of 4 levels.617 21-0

Recognize the significance of a concept Conversing with: combination The importance of faith in every aspect of the "ways of figuring things out".791 32-1

Consider the significance Conversing with: fruitfulness As I collected more than 100 "ways of figuring things out", I wanted to analyze them in more detail, so I needed to focus on a sample. I decided to choose the most important, the most characteristic ones. First, I considered which ones were important "nodes" in my diagram of how they unfolded in my thinking, from start to finish. Later, I looked at ways that belonged to more than one thread in my life. Finally, I went through all of them and noted for each, what did they achieve? I grouped them into categories accordingly. Then I rated the importance of each way on a scale from 2 to 5 and got the average for the group. I put the most important groups in the center of a diagram. It seemed that the most important ways were the ones that I lived subjectively, from the inside, and the less important ways I lived objectively, from the outside.772 32-1

Survey the evolution of a perspective Conversing with: goal of evolution As I analyzed the "ways of figuring things out", I noticed that several of them seemed to be dialogues with God or myself or others. Indeed, I saw that I could think of each of them as a dialogue with some quality. I went through my list of ways and wrote down the quality that I imagined it had me be in dialogue with. Then I grouped those qualities. I had a chart of the first 55 ways that I had noted, especially from my philosophical work, where I had organized them by how they had become relevant as my inquiry unfolded. After studying the ways in terms of their various aspects, I finally tuned into how the "conversant" evolved, from very abstract "inner depths" or "infinity beyond" to a full-fledged "human-in-general", as we presumed ever more aspects. The "human-in-general" conflates us with our conversant. I noticed then that at that point the conversant was no longer imagined, but became presumed, and so instead, the ways were dialogues with a shared conceptual language, which seemed to require us to presume God as well. (I realize now that this also marks the distinction between defining ourselves beyond any system and then defining the system that we are in.) We start to dialogue with our conversant's circumstances, consider them from God's point of view. Subsequently, I saw how the four tests for the heart and the world were bridges between us and our conversant, and how the ways related to structural questions were perhaps six groups of pairs of these four tests, and that taking up God's point of view was the ultimate way.790 32-1

Noticing patterns As I write up my ways of figuring things out that I've associated with the various rooms in the House of Knowledge, there seem to be two groups for each room. I've noticed a pattern. And how the groups relate, for example, the purpose of a structure (which may have no subject to experience it) vs. the purpose of my circumstances (which have a subject who lives them). I wonder if that is true, in general, and if that relates to the truths of the heart and the world. After writing out some of these examples in a diagram, I wonder whether these are two viewpoints on the same way, and whether both viewpoints are necessary aspects of each way of figuring things out, so that they are both in play in each way, to a greater or lesser extent, creating a tension, as with question and answer, or theory and practice, that is essential to every way, and that here draws on an internal structure (of the way of figuring things out) that is externalized.1303 31-1

Listen to God Conversing with: God's wishes God told me, as I listened to him, to investigate God's love in the ways of figuring things out.713 O-0

Išsakymas

Artistic process Conversing with: subconscious Making my statue "Troskimai (Wishes)" and my video summary "I Wish to Know" spurred the breakthroughs by which I pulled together my philosophy, namely that the evolving structures show that God is Not necessary (rather than is). My painting of the muses of the days of creation showed me how their smiles grew ever more serious. Focusing on the differences between me and God reminded me of my childhood experiences.607 CB-0

Compare perspectives Conversing with: dialogue I compared my answers to the 12 questions with what I imagine God answers to be. I realized that I live in circumstances but God does not; and that I myself wish for God to be, but God need not wish to be. My perspective sometimes differs from my parents' and other people's.593 21-0