- Įvadas
- Užmojis
- Savišvieta
- Pradai
- Įsimylėjimas
- Santvarkos
- Dievas
- Kalbos
- Savišvieta2
- Geros valios pratimai
- Šviesuoliai
- Suvedimas
- Išsiaiškinimai
- Išsakymas
- Išgyvenimai?
- Amžinas gyvenimas
Pavaizdavimai? E6E6FF
Asmeniškai? BA9696
Klausimai FFFFC0
Išsiaiškinimai D8F1D8
Užrašai EEEEEE
Kitų mintys? ECD9EC
Dievas man? FFECC0
Mieli dalyviai! Visa mano kūryba ir kartu visi šie puslapiai yra visuomenės turtas, kuriuo visi kviečiami laisvai naudotis, dalintis, visaip perkurti. - Andrius
Užrašai.Savišvieta istorija
Paslėpti nežymius pakeitimus - Rodyti galutinio teksto pakeitimus
2013 sausio 11 d., 19:46
atliko -
Pakeistos 3-4 eilutės iš
>>bgcolor=
į:
>>bgcolor=#D8F1D8<<
Pakeistos 96-98 eilutės iš
'''Consider what others avoid knowing''' What don't people want to know? I decided that if I am to possibly know everything, then God must make that knowledge easy to find and intuit. But others have not yet found it. So it must be a place where people could look, but choose not to. I surmised that it must be the wisdom of life, for there is no science of how to live our lives. Few people seem to wish that there be such a science. 1102 A-0
į:
'''Consider what others avoid knowing''' What don't people want to know? I decided that if I am to possibly know everything, then God must make that knowledge easy to find and intuit. But others have not yet found it. So it must be a place where people could look, but choose not to. I surmised that it must be the wisdom of life, for there is no science of how to live our lives. Few people seem to wish that there be such a science. 1102 A-0
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2013 sausio 03 d., 12:27
atliko -
Pakeista 1 eilutė iš:
Papasakosiu, kaip augau, kaip save išsiugdžiau. Man rūpėjo visoje veikloje mąstyti. Gal mąstymas tai Dievo požiūris, visaką lydintis, visakame dalyvaujantis. Man rūpėjo įrodyti sau, kad mano protas iš tiesų tobulas. Susigaudžiau, kad tokiam įrodymui turiu pasižymėti visakame, turiu protą pajungti visakam, ir tokiu visapusiškumu vėlgi viršiju proto apsiribojimu viena kuria mintimi ar požiūriu, užtat mąstau dar galingiau, visa savo esybe. Tokiu būdu nuoširdžiai susipažinau su savo proto ribomis, bene visų protų ribomis. Ar jos ir Dievo proto ribos?
į:
Papasakosiu, kaip augau, kaip save išsiugdžiau. Man rūpėjo visoje veikloje mąstyti. Gal mąstymas tai Dievo požiūris, visaką lydintis, visakame dalyvaujantis. Man rūpėjo įrodyti sau, kad mano protas iš tiesų tobulas. Tikėjau, kad jis gali viską išspręsti, visus reiškinius atstoti, kaip jų turinys. Susigaudžiau, kad tokiam įrodymui turiu pasižymėti visakame, turiu protą pajungti visakam, ir tokiu visapusiškumu vėlgi viršiju proto apsiribojimu viena kuria mintimi ar požiūriu, užtat mąstau dar galingiau, visa savo esybe. Tokiu būdu nuoširdžiai susipažinau su savo proto ribomis, bene visų protų ribomis. Ar jos ir Dievo proto ribos?
2013 sausio 03 d., 12:14
atliko -
Pakeistos 1-4 eilutės iš
'''Entertain
į:
Papasakosiu, kaip augau, kaip save išsiugdžiau. Man rūpėjo visoje veikloje mąstyti. Gal mąstymas tai Dievo požiūris, visaką lydintis, visakame dalyvaujantis. Man rūpėjo įrodyti sau, kad mano protas iš tiesų tobulas. Susigaudžiau, kad tokiam įrodymui turiu pasižymėti visakame, turiu protą pajungti visakam, ir tokiu visapusiškumu vėlgi viršiju proto apsiribojimu viena kuria mintimi ar požiūriu, užtat mąstau dar galingiau, visa savo esybe. Tokiu būdu nuoširdžiai susipažinau su savo proto ribomis, bene visų protų ribomis. Ar jos ir Dievo proto ribos?
'''Reconsider''' Conversing with: stubbornness Sometimes I take up a position and defend a principle with great passion in my mind, especially when I feel attacked. I may find many good reasons to stay firm. But then, when I feel that I've weathered the storm, a mild voice grows in me that I might now relent, that I don't have to look at things so starkly, that the issue isn't the only one or the most important, that time brings forth other issues. Ultimately, I always do relent, when I myself feel ready. This also helps me to avoid getting into arguments, to not be afraid to see them through honestly and vigorously, but to be prompt and resolute in letting go of them. 730 B3-0
'''Example (730) Choo-choo train''' One day, perhaps for my birthday or for Christmas, my parents got me a black plastic choo-choo train that I could sit on and pretend to ride around the apartment. I must have been three years old because we were still living at the Page Street apartments in Buena Park. It was the first impressive toy that I had and I treasured it because it was "mine", because it was given to "me", and it was an acknowledgment that I should "have" things. My parents invited over Robbie's family. He was a little boy who used to live at the apartments, with whom I had played sometimes, but didn't really know, as I basically played by myself. My mother and father asked that I show him my choo-choo train and let him ride it. I said No. I felt it was mine and I wanted to keep it that way. They insisted. They said I was bad. This disturbed me greatly. My parents said later that I refused to talk to them for three days. But I remember some of what I was thinking: that it was deceitful of them to give me things and later to say what I must do with them; it was the same as to take them from me; that thus no notion of property could ever be secure; and thus there could be no ground for civilization; and this made progress untenable; yet progress was our highest ideal. I think finally they allowed that I had not behaved badly. And then I relented that my parents were loving people and that I should not make too much of this. But I told myself that I would never get attached to things. 1850 B3-0
Buvau labai geras vaikas... paklusnus... neišdykėlis
'''Reconsider''' Conversing with: stubbornness Sometimes I take up a position and defend a principle with great passion in my mind, especially when I feel attacked. I may find many good reasons to stay firm. But then, when I feel that I've weathered the storm, a mild voice grows in me that I might now relent, that I don't have to look at things so starkly, that the issue isn't the only one or the most important, that time brings forth other issues. Ultimately, I always do relent, when I myself feel ready. This also helps me to avoid getting into arguments, to not be afraid to see them through honestly and vigorously, but to be prompt and resolute in letting go of them. 730 B3-0
'''Example (730) Choo-choo train''' One day, perhaps for my birthday or for Christmas, my parents got me a black plastic choo-choo train that I could sit on and pretend to ride around the apartment. I must have been three years old because we were still living at the Page Street apartments in Buena Park. It was the first impressive toy that I had and I treasured it because it was "mine", because it was given to "me", and it was an acknowledgment that I should "have" things. My parents invited over Robbie's family. He was a little boy who used to live at the apartments, with whom I had played sometimes, but didn't really know, as I basically played by myself. My mother and father asked that I show him my choo-choo train and let him ride it. I said No. I felt it was mine and I wanted to keep it that way. They insisted. They said I was bad. This disturbed me greatly. My parents said later that I refused to talk to them for three days. But I remember some of what I was thinking: that it was deceitful of them to give me things and later to say what I must do with them; it was the same as to take them from me; that thus no notion of property could ever be secure; and thus there could be no ground for civilization; and this made progress untenable; yet progress was our highest ideal. I think finally they allowed that I had not behaved badly. And then I relented that my parents were loving people and that I should not make too much of this. But I told myself that I would never get attached to things. 1850 B3-0
Buvau labai geras vaikas... paklusnus... neišdykėlis
Pridėtos 13-30 eilutės:
Būdamas geras, buvau ir įtarus savo gerumu, bei kitų
'''Distinguish what I have control over''' Conversing with: irresponsibility As a child, I was a bit afraid of plants. My mother had a beautiful yard with many plants, including a section with dense ivy and large throated jack-of-pulpits. I was suspicious of plants because they seemed very patient, which could be a ruse. I didn't want to allay my suspicions simply based on what other people did or thought. Yet I realized that, if indeed plants might be malevolent, it was beyond my capabilities to establish that, and so I should accept what people thought.720 32-0
'''Entertain a doubt''' Conversing with: possibility As I child, I found plants to be suspicious, because of their possibly great patience, thus unpredictable and dangerous.756 32-0
Ir taip pat nepatikdavo malonūs žmonės, juos įtardavau
Kaladėlės išdėsčiau, susigaudžiau, kad kitoje pusėje priešinga tvarka
Šachmatus tempdavo į kitą kambario galą, paskui bandydavau atspėti ar prisiminti, ką ten palikau
Broliuką pamokydavau, jis buvo labai gabus, net stebėdavausi, bet jam trūko kantrybės, tad nusivildavau, pavyzdžiui, kai mokiau sudėti skaičius.
Darželio nelankiau, bet šiaip, išsėdėjau visas mokyklos klases.
Man buvo svarbu pajusti, kad mano protas tobulas. Iš dalies rūpėjo nepripažinti galingesnių.
'''Distinguish what I have control over''' Conversing with: irresponsibility As a child, I was a bit afraid of plants. My mother had a beautiful yard with many plants, including a section with dense ivy and large throated jack-of-pulpits. I was suspicious of plants because they seemed very patient, which could be a ruse. I didn't want to allay my suspicions simply based on what other people did or thought. Yet I realized that, if indeed plants might be malevolent, it was beyond my capabilities to establish that, and so I should accept what people thought.720 32-0
'''Entertain a doubt''' Conversing with: possibility As I child, I found plants to be suspicious, because of their possibly great patience, thus unpredictable and dangerous.756 32-0
Ir taip pat nepatikdavo malonūs žmonės, juos įtardavau
Kaladėlės išdėsčiau, susigaudžiau, kad kitoje pusėje priešinga tvarka
Šachmatus tempdavo į kitą kambario galą, paskui bandydavau atspėti ar prisiminti, ką ten palikau
Broliuką pamokydavau, jis buvo labai gabus, net stebėdavausi, bet jam trūko kantrybės, tad nusivildavau, pavyzdžiui, kai mokiau sudėti skaičius.
Darželio nelankiau, bet šiaip, išsėdėjau visas mokyklos klases.
Man buvo svarbu pajusti, kad mano protas tobulas. Iš dalies rūpėjo nepripažinti galingesnių.
Pridėtos 33-38 eilutės:
Skaičiau knygą apie Afrikos civilizacijas, nes apie jas nieko nežinojau.
Dėliojau pašto ženklus, skaičiau jų katalogus.
Mokykloje savo protu pabrėžtinai aplenkdavau visus, tad pasijusdavau be konkurentų, laisvas, galintis pasišvęsti sau, saviugdai. Mokytoja išsiųsdavo į bibliotekėlę. Užduodavo rašinius rašyti.
Dėliojau pašto ženklus, skaičiau jų katalogus.
Mokykloje savo protu pabrėžtinai aplenkdavau visus, tad pasijusdavau be konkurentų, laisvas, galintis pasišvęsti sau, saviugdai. Mokytoja išsiųsdavo į bibliotekėlę. Užduodavo rašinius rašyti.
Pakeistos 41-43 eilutės iš
'''Example (730) Choo-choo train''' One day, perhaps for my birthday or for Christmas, my parents got me a black plastic choo-choo train that I could sit on and pretend to ride around the apartment. I must have been three years old because we were still living at the Page Street apartments in Buena Park. It was the first impressive toy that I had and I treasured it because it was "mine", because it was given to "me", and it was an acknowledgment that I should "have" things. My parents invited over Robbie's family. He was a little boy who used to live at the apartments, with whom I had played sometimes, but didn't really know, as I basically played by myself. My mother and father asked that I show him my choo-choo train and let him ride it. I said No. I felt it was mine and I wanted to keep it that way. They insisted. They said I was bad. This disturbed me greatly. My parents said later that I refused to talk to them for three days. But I remember some of what I was thinking: that it was deceitful of them to give me things and later to say what I must do with them; it was the same as to take them from me; that thus no notion of property could ever be secure; and thus there could be no ground for civilization; and this made progress untenable; yet progress was our highest ideal. I think finally they allowed that I had not behaved badly. And then I relented that my parents were loving people and that I should not make too much of this. But I told myself that I would never get attached to things. 1850 B3-0
į:
2013 sausio 02 d., 20:58
atliko -
Pakeistos 1-2 eilutės iš
'''Hang out with the disobedient''' What won't I know? Conversing with: conditional rightness I was a good kid, but would charge myself to hang out with disobedient or rebellious kids, to know about their life, to round out my knowledge. I learned what was meaningful about being "cool".799 A-0
į:
'''Distinguish what I have control over''' Conversing with: irresponsibility As a child, I was a bit afraid of plants. My mother had a beautiful yard with many plants, including a section with dense ivy and large throated jack-of-pulpits. I was suspicious of plants because they seemed very patient, which could be a ruse. I didn't want to allay my suspicions simply based on what other people did or thought. Yet I realized that, if indeed plants might be malevolent, it was beyond my capabilities to establish that, and so I should accept what people thought.720 32-0
'''Entertain a doubt''' Conversing with: possibility As I child, I found plants to be suspicious, because of their possibly great patience, thus unpredictable and dangerous.756 32-0
'''Entertain a doubt''' Conversing with: possibility As I child, I found plants to be suspicious, because of their possibly great patience, thus unpredictable and dangerous.756 32-0
Pakeistos 9-16 eilutės iš
'''Show good will''' Conversing with: another's wishes My father taught me to always show good will. I saw him practice that many times in many ways. Showing good will helps me imagine but also notice others' wishes, purpose and good will.684 B2-1
'''Take a remark to heart''' Conversing with: another's perspective I take to heart remarks by my parents and my loved ones. My father ever taught me to stand erect and to walk with my feet straight. I take to heart remarks by my students and their parents. Some of them would worry about grades and exams. I may not have the same concerns, and I may not agree with their conclusions, but I can't deny their feelings. I want to make sure that I am doing what's right and so I have to be mindful of their concerns and address them by changing my behavior, by making it understandable or at least, by showing respect for them.749 B2-1
'''Take counsel to heart''' Conversing with: loving care As a boy, I was in love with a popular girl, Lacie Diaz, who said but a few words to me, but which I took to heart: Not to curse like the other kids, for it did not suit me. To wear wire-framed glasses, which I only could many years later. Another young woman taught me to say compliments. And a young man, Johnny Gonzales, after many years of saving me, told me to fight my own battles.744 B2-1
'''Relent''' Conversing with: injustice When I was fourteen or so, I had a chess coach, Robert Snyder, who one day locked the room, sat next to me and told me I was "special". I told him to get away from me and then I told my mother it was improper and we should call the police. She resisted, explaining that it could destroy his life, and so I didn't call the police and even stayed on as his student, with nothing like that recurring. Decades later he was convicted of molesting minors. I learned that I could be not so harsh. In college, I had a roommate who sold pot, said he wouldn't do it anymore, but took on a new shipment anyways. I was appalled that he lied, and I wanted to call the police, but my other roommate, who had made the discovery, had us talk to housing instead. He was kicked out of housing, but stayed in the university and never faced the police. I realized what a gross injustice there was compared to how Black American youth were treated.745 B3-0
'''Take counsel to heart''' Conversing with: loving care As a boy, I was in love with a popular girl, Lacie Diaz, who said but a few words to me, but which I took to heart: Not to curse like the other kids, for it did not suit me. To wear wire-framed glasses, which I only could many years later. Another young woman taught me to say compliments. And a young man, Johnny Gonzales, after many years of saving me, told me to fight my own battles.744 B2-1
'''Relent''' Conversing with: injustice When I was fourteen or so, I had a chess coach, Robert Snyder, who one day locked the room, sat next to me and told me I was "special". I told him to get away from me and then I told my mother it was improper and we should call the police. She resisted, explaining that it could destroy his life, and so I didn't call the police and even stayed on as his student, with nothing like that recurring. Decades later he was convicted of molesting minors. I learned that I could be not so harsh. In college, I had a roommate who sold pot, said he wouldn't do it anymore, but took on a new shipment anyways. I was appalled that he lied, and I wanted to call the police, but my other roommate, who had made the discovery, had us talk to housing instead. He was kicked out of housing, but stayed in the university and never faced the police. I realized what a gross injustice there was compared to how Black American youth were treated.745 B3
į:
'''Look for what's missing Conversing with: incompleteness''' In childhood I often chose to study whatever I knew the least about. In sketching out a system for self-education, as in mathematics, I keep thinking, what to add?628 20-1
'''Hang out with the disobedient''' What won't I know? Conversing with: conditional rightness I was a good kid, but would charge myself to hang out with disobedient or rebellious kids, to know about their life, to round out my knowledge. I learned what was meaningful about being "cool".799 A-0
'''Hang out with the disobedient''' What won't I know? Conversing with: conditional rightness I was a good kid, but would charge myself to hang out with disobedient or rebellious kids, to know about their life, to round out my knowledge. I learned what was meaningful about being "cool".799 A-0
Pridėtos 21-22 eilutės:
'''Believing in my superiority''' My mother thought that I might need glasses, but I resisted that idea, I suppose because I didn't wish to allow that I was imperfect in any way. One day we were driving home from Lithuanian Saturday school on Highway 5. I would read out loud the exit signs as they came up. My sister Rima managed to read our exit "Carmenita" before I did! How could that be? I realized that she saw it before me. That's when I admitted that I needed glasses.2091 T-0
Ištrintos 24-33 eilutės:
'''Take in all thoughts''' Conversing with: unlimited Once in a while, I marvel at the amazing variety of input that engages me and enters my mind. I could easily believe that there is an objective world around me, which I can't help but accept, so as to get by. It is a world that can easily overturn any model which I might suggest for it. Thus, I don't look to it for assurance, but rather I stay open to it. I feel obliged to take seriously whatever I note, whatever I am told, so that my character might be completely informed and thus ever perfected. John Muir has celebrated in detail, with awe and joy, the wonders of the Sierra mountains.591 C1-0
'''Direct my thinking''' Conversing with: capability By directing my thinking to thoughts or objects, important or otherwise, I note what I can be sensitive to, the variety of what can engage my attention. I can temporarily focus my attention on any thought, or away from it by focusing on another, or even be still in my mind, yet ultimately my mind is always drawn by peripheral thoughts or events. I like to think. It is not something I want to turn off. Rather, I want to make the most of my thinking. I see that by ever thoughtfully directing my thinking I have in large part shaped the mind that I live in.786 C2-1
'''Influencing myself''' Conversing with: my own essence I exert my will power to influence myself to be good in all ways. As a young person, I didn't care much for fruits or vegetables, but as I got older, I would at times encourage or even force myself to eat them, so that now I eat many more of them. I was weak and didn't have friends, so after school I would go outside and play sports on our block, and then later, I went out for the water polo team in high school. At home we spoke Lithuanian, but it took great effort to think in Lithuanian, and yet I chose to do so and persisted, successfully. I think this especially taught me to value "caring about thinking", which became my motto for Minciu Sodas, my lab of independent thinkers. But even more importantly, I was vigilant in my mind to weed out mean thoughts and to think good thoughts. 632 C2-1
'''Recognizing influences on my perspective''' Conversing with: my own thinking I notice how television engrosses my thinking and how I am a freer person by not having one. Radio takes up mental bandwidth, too. The cultures that I have lived in have shaped my thinking of what's important. My efforts to link up with God have fostered my appetite for being with God.631 C2-1
Pakeistos 27-28 eilutės iš
'''Battle with myself''' Conversing with: my own fate Many times, I've comforted myself by touching myself, and despite that pleasure, I know well that afterwards I feel dissipated and depressed. Yet my mind is so creative in coming up with justifications at the time. But it does seem to make a difference that I battle my mind, even if I lose. And from this battle I have learned many things, but especially that my mind and my will are different. I am my will and not my mind.702 C3-0
į:
'''Take a remark to heart''' Conversing with: another's perspective I take to heart remarks by my parents and my loved ones. My father ever taught me to stand erect and to walk with my feet straight. I take to heart remarks by my students and their parents. Some of them would worry about grades and exams. I may not have the same concerns, and I may not agree with their conclusions, but I can't deny their feelings. I want to make sure that I am doing what's right and so I have to be mindful of their concerns and address them by changing my behavior, by making it understandable or at least, by showing respect for them.749 B2-1
'''Show good will''' Conversing with: another's wishes My father taught me to always show good will. I saw him practice that many times in many ways. Showing good will helps me imagine but also notice others' wishes, purpose and good will.684 B2-1
'''Take counsel to heart''' Conversing with: loving care As a boy, I was in love with a popular girl, Lacie Diaz, who said but a few words to me, but which I took to heart: Not to curse like the other kids, for it did not suit me. To wear wire-framed glasses, which I only could many years later. Another young woman taught me to say compliments. And a young man, Johnny Gonzales, after many years of saving me, told me to fight my own battles.744 B2-1
'''Recognizing influences on my perspective''' Conversing with: my own thinking I notice how television engrosses my thinking and how I am a freer person by not having one. Radio takes up mental bandwidth, too. The cultures that I have lived in have shaped my thinking of what's important. My efforts to link up with God have fostered my appetite for being with God.631 C2-1
'''Influencing myself''' Conversing with: my own essence I exert my will power to influence myself to be good in all ways. As a young person, I didn't care much for fruits or vegetables, but as I got older, I would at times encourage or even force myself to eat them, so that now I eat many more of them. I was weak and didn't have friends, so after school I would go outside and play sports on our block, and then later, I went out for the water polo team in high school. At home we spoke Lithuanian, but it took great effort to think in Lithuanian, and yet I chose to do so and persisted, successfully. I think this especially taught me to value "caring about thinking", which became my motto for Minciu Sodas, my lab of independent thinkers. But even more importantly, I was vigilant in my mind to weed out mean thoughts and to think good thoughts. 632 C2-1
'''Direct my thinking''' Conversing with: capability By directing my thinking to thoughts or objects, important or otherwise, I note what I can be sensitive to, the variety of what can engage my attention. I can temporarily focus my attention on any thought, or away from it by focusing on another, or even be still in my mind, yet ultimately my mind is always drawn by peripheral thoughts or events. I like to think. It is not something I want to turn off. Rather, I want to make the most of my thinking. I see that by ever thoughtfully directing my thinking I have in large part shaped the mind that I live in.786 C2-1
'''Show good will''' Conversing with: another's wishes My father taught me to always show good will. I saw him practice that many times in many ways. Showing good will helps me imagine but also notice others' wishes, purpose and good will.684 B2-1
'''Take counsel to heart''' Conversing with: loving care As a boy, I was in love with a popular girl, Lacie Diaz, who said but a few words to me, but which I took to heart: Not to curse like the other kids, for it did not suit me. To wear wire-framed glasses, which I only could many years later. Another young woman taught me to say compliments. And a young man, Johnny Gonzales, after many years of saving me, told me to fight my own battles.744 B2-1
'''Recognizing influences on my perspective''' Conversing with: my own thinking I notice how television engrosses my thinking and how I am a freer person by not having one. Radio takes up mental bandwidth, too. The cultures that I have lived in have shaped my thinking of what's important. My efforts to link up with God have fostered my appetite for being with God.631 C2-1
'''Influencing myself''' Conversing with: my own essence I exert my will power to influence myself to be good in all ways. As a young person, I didn't care much for fruits or vegetables, but as I got older, I would at times encourage or even force myself to eat them, so that now I eat many more of them. I was weak and didn't have friends, so after school I would go outside and play sports on our block, and then later, I went out for the water polo team in high school. At home we spoke Lithuanian, but it took great effort to think in Lithuanian, and yet I chose to do so and persisted, successfully. I think this especially taught me to value "caring about thinking", which became my motto for Minciu Sodas, my lab of independent thinkers. But even more importantly, I was vigilant in my mind to weed out mean thoughts and to think good thoughts. 632 C2-1
'''Direct my thinking''' Conversing with: capability By directing my thinking to thoughts or objects, important or otherwise, I note what I can be sensitive to, the variety of what can engage my attention. I can temporarily focus my attention on any thought, or away from it by focusing on another, or even be still in my mind, yet ultimately my mind is always drawn by peripheral thoughts or events. I like to think. It is not something I want to turn off. Rather, I want to make the most of my thinking. I see that by ever thoughtfully directing my thinking I have in large part shaped the mind that I live in.786 C2-1
Pakeistos 43-46 eilutės iš
'''Sort out my own feelings''' Conversing with: my knowledge Sorting through my feelings, I recognized various distinctions. I disavowed feelings of shame because they came from others and not myself, and so I felt it was wrong to shame and to feel shame. In contrast, embraced feelings of guilt as healthy because they came from inside my own self, and I could resolve them internally. I felt pleasure or comfort in fondling myself, but afterwards it inevitably made me feel depressed and spent, and so I concluded from my own feelings that it was wrong for me to do and I should ever resist that, even though I constantly failed. I thought it was my own personal addiction, sin that helped me identify with other people's addictions, failings of character, sins. Yet I felt that, in any event, it was not central to my life, it was not what was key to understanding me.741 C4-1
'''Believing in my superiority''' My mother thought that I might need glasses, butI resisted that idea, I suppose because I didn't wish to allow that I was imperfect in any way. One day we were driving home from Lithuanian Saturday school on Highway 5. I would read out loud the exit signs as they came up. My sister Rima managed to read our exit "Carmenita" before I did! How could that be? I realized that she saw it before me. That's when I admitted that I needed glasses.2091 T-0
'''Believing in my superiority''' My mother thought that I might need glasses, but
į:
'''Relent''' Conversing with: injustice When I was fourteen or so, I had a chess coach, Robert Snyder, who one day locked the room, sat next to me and told me I was "special". I told him to get away from me and then I told my mother it was improper and we should call the police. She resisted, explaining that it could destroy his life, and so I didn't call the police and even stayed on as his student, with nothing like that recurring. Decades later he was convicted of molesting minors. I learned that I could be not so harsh. In college, I had a roommate who sold pot, said he wouldn't do it anymore, but took on a new shipment anyways. I was appalled that he lied, and I wanted to call the police, but my other roommate, who had made the discovery, had us talk to housing instead. He was kicked out of housing, but stayed in the university and never faced the police. I realized what a gross injustice there was compared to how Black American youth were treated.745 B3-0
Pridėtos 50-53 eilutės:
'''Take in all thoughts''' Conversing with: unlimited Once in a while, I marvel at the amazing variety of input that engages me and enters my mind. I could easily believe that there is an objective world around me, which I can't help but accept, so as to get by. It is a world that can easily overturn any model which I might suggest for it. Thus, I don't look to it for assurance, but rather I stay open to it. I feel obliged to take seriously whatever I note, whatever I am told, so that my character might be completely informed and thus ever perfected. John Muir has celebrated in detail, with awe and joy, the wonders of the Sierra mountains.591 C1-0
'''Observing what is going on around me''' As a nearsighted child, I noticed "floaters" that moved across my eye, chains of blocks. I learned about cells in my biology, and then, one day, sitting in a dentist's chair, I thought, the floaters must be chains of cells which I can see because they are close up, right on my eyeball. My mother said no. But later an optometrist confirmed that, yes, indeed they were! I thought it was wonderful that I could see human cells with my own naked eyes!1235 C1-0
'''Observing what is going on around me''' As a nearsighted child, I noticed "floaters" that moved across my eye, chains of blocks. I learned about cells in my biology, and then, one day, sitting in a dentist's chair, I thought, the floaters must be chains of cells which I can see because they are close up, right on my eyeball. My mother said no. But later an optometrist confirmed that, yes, indeed they were! I thought it was wonderful that I could see human cells with my own naked eyes!1235 C1-0
Pakeistos 58-59 eilutės iš
'''Look for what's missing Conversing with: incompleteness''' In childhood I often chose to study whatever I knew the least about. In sketching out a system for self-education, as in mathematics, I keep thinking, what to add?628 20-1
į:
'''Battle with myself''' Conversing with: my own fate Many times, I've comforted myself by touching myself, and despite that pleasure, I know well that afterwards I feel dissipated and depressed. Yet my mind is so creative in coming up with justifications at the time. But it does seem to make a difference that I battle my mind, even if I lose. And from this battle I have learned many things, but especially that my mind and my will are different. I am my will and not my mind.702 C3-0
'''Sort out my own feelings''' Conversing with: my knowledge Sorting through my feelings, I recognized various distinctions. I disavowed feelings of shame because they came from others and not myself, and so I felt it was wrong to shame and to feel shame. In contrast, embraced feelings of guilt as healthy because they came from inside my own self, and I could resolve them internally. I felt pleasure or comfort in fondling myself, but afterwards it inevitably made me feel depressed and spent, and so I concluded from my own feelings that it was wrong for me to do and I should ever resist that, even though I constantly failed. I thought it was my own personal addiction, sin that helped me identify with other people's addictions, failings of character, sins. Yet I felt that, in any event, it was not central to my life, it was not what was key to understanding me.741 C4-1
'''Sort out my own feelings''' Conversing with: my knowledge Sorting through my feelings, I recognized various distinctions. I disavowed feelings of shame because they came from others and not myself, and so I felt it was wrong to shame and to feel shame. In contrast, embraced feelings of guilt as healthy because they came from inside my own self, and I could resolve them internally. I felt pleasure or comfort in fondling myself, but afterwards it inevitably made me feel depressed and spent, and so I concluded from my own feelings that it was wrong for me to do and I should ever resist that, even though I constantly failed. I thought it was my own personal addiction, sin that helped me identify with other people's addictions, failings of character, sins. Yet I felt that, in any event, it was not central to my life, it was not what was key to understanding me.741 C4-1
Ištrintos 62-65 eilutės:
'''Distinguish what I have control over''' Conversing with: irresponsibility As a child, I was a bit afraid of plants. My mother had a beautiful yard with many plants, including a section with dense ivy and large throated jack-of-pulpits. I was suspicious of plants because they seemed very patient, which could be a ruse. I didn't want to allay my suspicions simply based on what other people did or thought. Yet I realized that, if indeed plants might be malevolent, it was beyond my capabilities to establish that, and so I should accept what people thought.720 32-0
'''Entertain a doubt''' Conversing with: possibility As I child, I found plants to be suspicious, because of their possibly great patience, thus unpredictable and dangerous.756 32-0
2013 sausio 02 d., 20:49
atliko -
Ištrinta 0 eilutė:
Ištrintos 2-5 eilutės:
'''Live precariously if that is more fruitful''' Conversing with: spiritual stagnation I grew up in a Southern Californian suburban utopia, comfortably, in a loving family. But I learned to "live on top of a question mark", as some of us say in Lithuanian. Live without assurance of income or in a neighborhood that others might not consider safe.788 A-0
Ištrintos 12-17 eilutės:
'''Be interrogated''' Conversing with: my virtue I try to accept provocations from Jehovah's Witnesses and evangelicals regarding my life. I feel disturbed when they don't show interest in me, but treat me presumptuously as an infidel or sinner. Yet this is how I stay open, how I learn about myself and the weakness of their doctrine.761 B2-1
'''Imagine another's mindset''' Conversing with: person In studying Jesus's emotions as documented in the Gospel of Mark, I imagined Jesus's mindset, what were his expectations that led to his emotions, and how did he respond? In talking with a person, I can imagine what keeps them from saying things they might say.649 B2-1
Ištrintos 22-29 eilutės:
'''Dedicating my best hour''' Starting around 1994, when I started to work from home as a software developer, I made sure to start my day by working on my philosophy for an hour or two. Even later, as I struggled and failed to make a living from my lab, Minciu Sodas, I always dedicated my best hour or two to my philosophy. My best hour is in the morning, when my mind is fresh and uncluttered with concerns. I pray to God, do some calisthenics, eat breakfast, check my emails to keep them off my mind, and then apply my mind to my philosophy, preferably to the deepest question that I can. My goal is to get a new idea every day. Then I feel that my day has gone well and it doesn't matter what else happens. I typically continue by reviewing, writing and sharing my strategy for applying myself and making a living. As the day wears on, I make some effort to make a living. But I don't let that have my best energies. I believe that we all have a right and duty to spend one or two hours each day of our best time to apply ourselves and do what we were created and inspired to do.1904 B4-0
'''Accept everyone the same, as if God''' Conversing with: simplicity In accepting a person as myself, if they are God, I give them my full attention, and realize how surprisingly intelligent they are, or troubled or proud or dignified or harmonious. It makes whole the many things to learn.694 B4-1
'''Listen to faithless sermons''' Conversing with: spiritual patience Many priests speak without inner faith and so I note how they miss Jesus's meaning. The good son, the brother of the prodigal son, reminds me of Jesus, what he must have felt. 762 B4-1
Ištrintos 28-35 eilutės:
'''Accept a position of responsibility''' Conversing with: opportunities I have learned by accepting invitations to participate. I complemented Audrey Barnes on the gospel choir at St. Benedict the African and she invited me to join. I wrote a Lithuanian rock song for Loreta Grikaviciute and she invited me to sing it. Then in Lithuania we were invited to perform in the rock festival Roko marsas per Lietuva. As a youth, I was invited to lead a scout group. In Uzhupis, I was invited to show my drawings, do big works and paint new works. Generally, this expanded my possibilities and opened me up to my talents. I appreciated others' talents and I learned a bit about the logic and sensibility of each domain.685 C2-0
'''Reading a book that somebody recommends''' I've learned quite a bit from several books that others recommended that I read. An IrDA member from Oregon introduced me to Christopher Alexander's "The Timeless Way of Building". It's a wonderfully poetic book and I rank Alexander along with Plato and Kant for his insightful theory and practice of pattern languages. Malcolm Duerod recommended that I read "The Shack", a book depicting God's relationship with himself as the Holy Trinity, but it got me thinking that, in my imagination, God is alone. June Terry recommended "A Purpose Driven Life" and I've just read the first chapter, but it made me realize that, as a child, I appreciated that my happy life did not come from my own merits, yet it was I who appreciated that, and I who decided to apply myself, and I who engaged God regarding that, as I myself thought best.1299 C2-0
'''Atune my mind''' In 2000 or so, I noted eight areas in my personal life where I wanted to improve myself: Be with God, foster my conscience, foster my willpower, foster my stewardship, be curious, serve others, support others' endeavors, be successful. Each morning, after I prayed, I would run through each of these and imagine how I might do that during the day. I didn't try to plan to actually do them because it would be too contrived to carve out so much time. Rather, I would imagine how I might do that, and then during the day I would be open to similar opportunities and seize them. Over several years this helped me change in these ways and I felt better about myself. Afterwards, I gave up this practice because it had achieved its purpose and it took up time, perhaps twenty minutes. 2259 C2-1
Ištrintos 32-33 eilutės:
Ištrintos 40-43 eilutės:
'''Try out all possible solutions''' Conversing with: impossibility In avoiding bankruptcy, I'm trying to take every reasonable step along the way. In trying to make a living from my business, Minciu Sodas, I kept looking for the most promising and sensible opportunity. In pursuing my sweetheart, I'm trying to show that I care about her in every way. In trying to save David's home, and especially, in encouraging him to take action to save it, I've tried to show that I'm ever interested. These are all areas where I can't assure my own success yet must try to do my part.755 C3-0
Ištrintos 42-45 eilutės:
'''Make meaningful''' Conversing with: meaningfulness In Vilnius, I babysat my god daughter Deboryte and helped her with her homework. That ended badly because I was interested to teach her more broadly, but she was focused on doing what was assigned, and so I made her upset. Even so, I tried to draw meaning from the evening, and I remembered that I was a good tutor. I had worked at Ivy League Tutoring in Chicago, and since I had exhausted my hopes to make a living from Minciu Sodas, perhaps I could go back and work there. I called the founder, Adrian Hunter, and indeed, he agreed to hire me, and I left for Chicago within a month. More generally, as a youth, I tried to draw meaning from every episode in my life, every talent I developed, and build on them, although certain skills, such as my Spanish, always seemed underutilized, and I spent time on others, such as playing guitar, that I never sufficiently developed to get past the hump so I could build on them. 759 C4-1
Ištrintos 44-45 eilutės:
Ištrintos 46-63 eilutės:
'''Get involved''' Conversing with: my own limits I have exposed my failings and strengths by getting involved and not always holding back. At Lithuanian scout camp Rakas, as a nineteen year old "Brother of the Forest", I spied on the teenage girl scouts from out of the forest. They saw me, but I didn't retreat. I'm sure I looked pretty stupid. In 2009, I went to a philosophy workshop in Lithuania, which had rejected my wish to talk about my findings in my quest to know everything, including my video. At mid-day, one of the speakers gave a long screed against America, women, homosexuals, minorities. At question time, I asked, "Maybe Hitler was right?" and he replied, "As soon as I talk about such things, I am inevitably compared to Hitler." As nobody kept him from speaking so irresponsibly, I got up and punched him, saying that the Nazis had executed my grandfather. (It seems that subsequently he stopped pursuing his line of thinking, at least publicly.) I have many such incidents, stupid or noble, because I am willing to step out of norms. 700 T-1
'''Stick to what is right''' Conversing with: world I've tried, even if ever so slightly, to stay true to what is right. For example, I force myself to at least skim the terms of service when I am asked to click that I have read and understood them. At work, in public, and socially, I note and stand up for what is right. Sometimes I lose out as a consequence, and sometimes I gain in different ways. This helps me appreciate and identify with the righteous, the downtrodden and the marginalized.701 T-1
'''Be naive''' Conversing with: my assumptions As I studied, I supposed that the more I learned in school, the more kinds of jobs I could do and find when the time came. I thought that math was practical and that I would find many ways to apply a Ph.D. Later, as I took loans and risks to start my lab, Minciu Sodas, I thought that I could always find a regular job if I failed. I thought so, accepting tenants of my environment. Now, I see differently, but my wholehearted naivete then, my lack of doubt then helps me as I now reflect and conclude.695 F-0
'''Object to the existing system ever so slightly''' Conversing with: justice In the course of my usual activities, I address injustices that I notice, even though it may get me into trouble. I reported election violations in Chicago. When I won a Knight News Challenge award, I spoke up about the need to address "ethnic cleansing" in Chicago. I smuggled books as I traveled. I poured out alcohol at events where I felt people were pressured to drink. I would walk across the Black American neighborhood to show myself that I could do it.683 F-0
'''Find out for myself''' Conversing with: limits set by constraints Sometimes I'm able to observe and learn first hand rather than through books and schools. In Lithuania, in 1988 and 1989, I was able to observe up close Lithuania's reform movement which achieved independence from the Soviet Union. In 1980, I visited Lithuania as a 15 year old, and was able to talk to relatives of various backgrounds. I walked the streets of Vilnius and saw how different buildings that I recognized from Saturday school all fit together spatially with regard to each other. I traveled through Europe in the summer of 1989 and saw with my own eyes the plaza of Venice which Marco Polo departed from. From 1998 to 2010, I sought clients for Minciu Sodas and gained first hand experience of sorts in business.687 F-1
'''Get out of my comfort zone''' Conversing with: self-check At times, I made an effort to go outside my comfort zone, especially to reach out to those who are marginalized. I chose to live with my grandmother in her neighborhood, Marquette Park, which had become primarily Black American. I would practice engaging the youth hanging out on the corner. I ventured into the Black American community to join a Catholic church there, St. Benedict the African. In 2006, I stayed for three weeks in Nablus, Israeli-occupied Palestine, and taught nonviolence there.704 F-1
'''Test out assumptions''' Conversing with: understanding Is it true that everyone can be a genius? As a tutor for mentally challenged adults I realized that there are some objective challenges to learning yet everybody may have special gifts, some extra scraps of cortex for individual talents. 686 F-1
'''Check myself''' Conversing with: view from the side When people criticize me, I check myself, but often their criticism doesn't seem fair. Over time, I realized that the criticism is often more applicable to the criticizer, and I concluded that I am a mirror for other people's weaknesses.717 R-0
Ištrintos 50-53 eilutės:
'''Illustrative examples''' Conversing with: fundamental knowledge Certain examples from real life make vivid for me the reality of the sciences. In physics, I was most impressed when our professor Isaac Abella showed us that if we place our forefinger just above our thumb and look through that gap in the light, then we will see diffraction effects, ripples of light and darkness, which is evidence that light is a wave, which interferes with itself constructively (brightening the light) and destructively (canceling out, leaving darkness). I was deeply impressed that such a physical fact could be observed and deduced from our bare hands. It was available to all humankind, yet who cared to make sense of it? 601 CB-0
Ištrintos 52-65 eilutės:
'''Attend lectures'''Conversing with: science I learned much physics and math in college through lectures, especially physics lectures where professors such as Isaac Abella imparted their intuition. He would say things that the books weren't saying or weren't able to make prominent, but got across the idea at hand and the spirit of the subject.768 1-0
'''Get to know the classics''' Conversing with: content I like to read the classics in literature, philosophy, religion and other fields because they help me understand what is pertinent, fundamental, creative, fruitful and influential, what is a real contribution. I enjoyed learning about and listening to classics of rock, jazz and classical music. This also helps me find my own way, what I myself am attracted to, makes me feel safe to do that and not feel manipulated by the spirit of our times. I appreciate the classics as an efficient way to learn.743 1-0
'''Ask for advice''' Conversing with: know how I learn many things by asking people who are knowledgeable in particular fields such as computers, Linux, Lithuanian, languages, websites.689 1-1
'''Interrogate''' Conversing with: advisor When I go shopping for something I don't know much about, such as shoes, bicycles, hiking equipment, computers or gifts for women, I try to ask the salesperson questions, both to learn about what to look for, and to discern if they are genuinely helping me and I should follow their advice.688 1-1
'''Try out advice received''' Conversing with: instruction I've tried out advice from people in nutrition, health, hiking, music, culture, literature... Sometimes these are knowledgeable people and sometimes it just seems that they know something they found useful and are glad to share. Such knowledge tends to be useful, handling some issue, and may be fruitful conceptually, in that it makes personal sense and develops sensitivity in the relevant field.742 1-1
'''Imagine another person's mind''' Conversing with: mind In tutoring, I would often understand my students by trying to model their mind, and so imagine the obstacles that were keeping them from solving a problem.692 10-0
Pakeistos 63-67 eilutės iš
'''Observe history in the making''' Conversing with: history World news is repetitive. It is typically reported before, during and after it happens. And in Lithuania's independence movement, I witnessed how people did not consider creative alternatives but looked to known solutions, namely, independence.767 30-0
'''Hearing what is needed of me''' I traveled with my friend to his home in China. He arranged for me to stay there for an additional six weeks with his family. There was no way for me to directly pay his family for food or anything as that would be inappropriate. However, he took care of that for me. The one thing that he set straight was that I would do my own laundry by hand because otherwise his mother would have to do it. So we agreed on that and it seemed to work out well.975 O-0
'''Value my life''' Conversing with: God's gift In China, after a conversation with Tong Zhu about the moral dilemmas of being a doctor, I realized that I was too precious to God to make a living as I had from a job that I did not think contributed to society, coding for a health care start-up serving a regulatory mandate of dubious merit.776 O-1
'''Hearing what is needed of me''' I traveled with my friend to his home in China. He arranged for me to stay there for an additional six weeks with his family. There was no way for me to directly pay his family for food or anything as
'''Value my life''' Conversing with: God's gift In China, after a conversation with Tong Zhu about the moral dilemmas of being a doctor, I realized that I was too precious to God to make a living as I had from a job that I did not think contributed to society, coding for
į:
'''Appreciate futility''' What must it take for me to know everything? Conversing with: redirection Growing up, and seeking to know everything, I used to think that I could know human affairs from political science, which I could know from sociology, which I could know from psychology, which I could know from biology, which I could know from chemistry, which I could know from physics, which is based on mathematics. I was very interested to take high school physics and learn about the fundamental constituents of the universe. But the small bit that I surmised was that at the quantum level, reality itself seems to fade away, as if to say, you aren't meant to find anything here! And at that time, in the 1980's, it seemed that it would take billions of dollars of equipment and hundreds of scientists just to participate in the smallest way. So I concluded that if I am to know everything, God must make that possible.785 A-0
'''Suppose that God will make things doable''' As a high school student I came to think that physics at the quantum level simply fades the way, and so is not a foundation for knowledge of life. So I concluded that if I am to know everything, God must make that possible. The truth must be at hand, easy for me to find, as if I was to search for a lost key at the foot of a lamp post, where the light happens to be best.1103 A-0
'''Consider what others avoid knowing''' What don't people want to know? I decided that if I am to possibly know everything, then God must make that knowledge easy to find and intuit. But others have not yet found it. So it must be a place where people could look, but choose not to. I surmised that it must be the wisdom of life, for there is no science of how to live our lives. Few people seem to wish that there be such a science. 1102 A-0
'''Suppose that God will make things doable''' As a high school student I came to think that physics at the quantum level simply fades the way, and so is not a foundation for knowledge of life. So I concluded that if I am to know everything, God must make that possible. The truth must be at hand, easy for me to find, as if I was to search for a lost key at the foot of a lamp post, where the light happens to be best.1103 A-0
'''Consider what others avoid knowing''' What don't people want to know? I decided that if I am to possibly know everything, then God must make that knowledge easy to find and intuit. But others have not yet found it. So it must be a place where people could look, but choose not to. I surmised that it must be the wisdom of life, for there is no science of how to live our lives. Few people seem to wish that there be such a science. 1102 A-0
2013 sausio 02 d., 06:23
atliko -
Pridėtos 1-142 eilutės:
'''Hang out with the disobedient''' What won't I know? Conversing with: conditional rightness I was a good kid, but would charge myself to hang out with disobedient or rebellious kids, to know about their life, to round out my knowledge. I learned what was meaningful about being "cool".799 A-0
'''Live closer to real life''' What do people care about? After getting my Ph.D., I chose not to pursue an academic career because I wished to be closer to "real life". I moved to my grandmother's house and lived with her in a Chicago neighborhood, Marquette Park, which had "changed over" and gangs of Black-American youth were establishing themselves. 1105 A-0
'''Live precariously if that is more fruitful''' Conversing with: spiritual stagnation I grew up in a Southern Californian suburban utopia, comfortably, in a loving family. But I learned to "live on top of a question mark", as some of us say in Lithuanian. Live without assurance of income or in a neighborhood that others might not consider safe.788 A-0
'''Avoid whatever is unsafe''' Conversing with: possible misfortune As a child, I was always extra careful to stay away from anything that might injure me, such as saws and machinery. I still am. I don't play with danger.789 A-1
'''Stay away from what can harm but can't be necessary''' I stay away from drugs and am not curious about them. I would tell myself that they can't be necessary for my quest and so they can only hurt me. I stay away from those who want to be degenerate, who want to descend into ruin, who want to involve me in their dysfunctionality.1110 A-1
'''Show good will''' Conversing with: another's wishes My father taught me to always show good will. I saw him practice that many times in many ways. Showing good will helps me imagine but also notice others' wishes, purpose and good will.684 B2-1
'''Take a remark to heart''' Conversing with: another's perspective I take to heart remarks by my parents and my loved ones. My father ever taught me to stand erect and to walk with my feet straight. I take to heart remarks by my students and their parents. Some of them would worry about grades and exams. I may not have the same concerns, and I may not agree with their conclusions, but I can't deny their feelings. I want to make sure that I am doing what's right and so I have to be mindful of their concerns and address them by changing my behavior, by making it understandable or at least, by showing respect for them.749 B2-1
'''Take counsel to heart''' Conversing with: loving care As a boy, I was in love with a popular girl, Lacie Diaz, who said but a few words to me, but which I took to heart: Not to curse like the other kids, for it did not suit me. To wear wire-framed glasses, which I only could many years later. Another young woman taught me to say compliments. And a young man, Johnny Gonzales, after many years of saving me, told me to fight my own battles.744 B2-1
'''Take up my enemy's point of view''' Conversing with: excluded person When I take up the point of view of a person antagonistic to me, I can learn what they want from me and others. I can focus on that.740 B2-1
'''Be interrogated''' Conversing with: my virtue I try to accept provocations from Jehovah's Witnesses and evangelicals regarding my life. I feel disturbed when they don't show interest in me, but treat me presumptuously as an infidel or sinner. Yet this is how I stay open, how I learn about myself and the weakness of their doctrine.761 B2-1
'''Imagine another's mindset''' Conversing with: person In studying Jesus's emotions as documented in the Gospel of Mark, I imagined Jesus's mindset, what were his expectations that led to his emotions, and how did he respond? In talking with a person, I can imagine what keeps them from saying things they might say.649 B2-1
'''Relent''' Conversing with: injustice When I was fourteen or so, I had a chess coach, Robert Snyder, who one day locked the room, sat next to me and told me I was "special". I told him to get away from me and then I told my mother it was improper and we should call the police. She resisted, explaining that it could destroy his life, and so I didn't call the police and even stayed on as his student, with nothing like that recurring. Decades later he was convicted of molesting minors. I learned that I could be not so harsh. In college, I had a roommate who sold pot, said he wouldn't do it anymore, but took on a new shipment anyways. I was appalled that he lied, and I wanted to call the police, but my other roommate, who had made the discovery, had us talk to housing instead. He was kicked out of housing, but stayed in the university and never faced the police. I realized what a gross injustice there was compared to how Black American youth were treated.745 B3-0
'''Reconsider''' Conversing with: stubbornness Sometimes I take up a position and defend a principle with great passion in my mind, especially when I feel attacked. I may find many good reasons to stay firm. But then, when I feel that I've weathered the storm, a mild voice grows in me that I might now relent, that I don't have to look at things so starkly, that the issue isn't the only one or the most important, that time brings forth other issues. Ultimately, I always do relent, when I myself feel ready. This also helps me to avoid getting into arguments, to not be afraid to see them through honestly and vigorously, but to be prompt and resolute in letting go of them. 730 B3-0
'''Example (730) Choo-choo train''' One day, perhaps for my birthday or for Christmas, my parents got me a black plastic choo-choo train that I could sit on and pretend to ride around the apartment. I must have been three years old because we were still living at the Page Street apartments in Buena Park. It was the first impressive toy that I had and I treasured it because it was "mine", because it was given to "me", and it was an acknowledgment that I should "have" things. My parents invited over Robbie's family. He was a little boy who used to live at the apartments, with whom I had played sometimes, but didn't really know, as I basically played by myself. My mother and father asked that I show him my choo-choo train and let him ride it. I said No. I felt it was mine and I wanted to keep it that way. They insisted. They said I was bad. This disturbed me greatly. My parents said later that I refused to talk to them for three days. But I remember some of what I was thinking: that it was deceitful of them to give me things and later to say what I must do with them; it was the same as to take them from me; that thus no notion of property could ever be secure; and thus there could be no ground for civilization; and this made progress untenable; yet progress was our highest ideal. I think finally they allowed that I had not behaved badly. And then I relented that my parents were loving people and that I should not make too much of this. But I told myself that I would never get attached to things. 1850 B3-0
'''Empathy for disputants''' Conversing with: conviction By having empathy for people, I was aware how intensely they clung to their truths, often unknowingly, the truth of the world.654 B3-0
'''Internal dialogue with someone dear or critical''' Conversing with: convictions I often have dialogues in my mind with people I know. I suppose they are sparked by my feelings and my conscience. In reflect about events in my life, I will feel a wish to say to somebody the truth. But am I being fair to them? What would they say? My mind provides their reply, what they might say. And then I think and reply. In this way, my mind rehearses conversations that may be several minutes long. I recall doing this in grade school as I rode home on the bus, thinking to myself. I have had many conversations with my parents, with good friends, with girls and women I have been in love with, and even certain peripheral individuals who are critical of me. I have a crush on a woman, but then imagine, what if she had an abortion, would I still love her, and what would I say? I have had many conversations in my mind with my parents about the things I do that irk them, such as not getting a hair cut or my difficulty in making a living or my adventures in life or my philosophical ideas, or their aspirations for me, such as being Lithuanian or being a good person, kind and of good will. I learned that people in my mind were more real, vibrant, honest, direct, intense, distilled, than they were in real life. True, in real life, when they said something unexpected, I had to adjust my understanding of them, yet in mind, there could also be something similar, when I managed to see them in a new light, and indeed, I would converse with them in my mind until I could resolve all of my feelings. I noticed that my conversations with God are quite similar, and I could explain to others that, in that sense, God is very real to me, just as the people in my mind are more real than they are in real life. In 2011, in speaking about this with my father, I learned that he actually doesn't have any such conversations. I suppose I have them because I was never able to talk with my parents and others as much as I liked about what I cared about, and because when I did have a chance, I didn't want the conversations to go on unhelpful or hurtful tracks.709 B3-0
'''Invite all people''' Conversing with: God's will In my activities, I've tried to be and stay open to everybody and not be exclusive. I have tried not to worry about people's intelligence, competence, reliability, wealth or niceness. This has helped me to be more flexible with regard to what might happened, how things might develop, and be more appreciative as to what other people might contribute. It has also gotten me to develop relevant filters, such as expecting certain behavior. I've focused on "independent thinkers", expected people to be accountable to their own deepest value in life, or to engage me based on their own question that they wish to answer.699 B4-0
'''Dedicating my best hour''' Starting around 1994, when I started to work from home as a software developer, I made sure to start my day by working on my philosophy for an hour or two. Even later, as I struggled and failed to make a living from my lab, Minciu Sodas, I always dedicated my best hour or two to my philosophy. My best hour is in the morning, when my mind is fresh and uncluttered with concerns. I pray to God, do some calisthenics, eat breakfast, check my emails to keep them off my mind, and then apply my mind to my philosophy, preferably to the deepest question that I can. My goal is to get a new idea every day. Then I feel that my day has gone well and it doesn't matter what else happens. I typically continue by reviewing, writing and sharing my strategy for applying myself and making a living. As the day wears on, I make some effort to make a living. But I don't let that have my best energies. I believe that we all have a right and duty to spend one or two hours each day of our best time to apply ourselves and do what we were created and inspired to do.1904 B4-0
'''Accept everyone the same, as if God''' Conversing with: simplicity In accepting a person as myself, if they are God, I give them my full attention, and realize how surprisingly intelligent they are, or troubled or proud or dignified or harmonious. It makes whole the many things to learn.694 B4-1
'''Listen to faithless sermons''' Conversing with: spiritual patience Many priests speak without inner faith and so I note how they miss Jesus's meaning. The good son, the brother of the prodigal son, reminds me of Jesus, what he must have felt. 762 B4-1
'''Observe teachers teach''' Conversing with: successful communication As a child, I often already knew what the teacher was teaching, or felt it was taught slowly, so I watched them teach, and considered how I would teach differently, what is the deep meaning?738 B4-1
'''Observing what is going on around me''' As a nearsighted child, I noticed "floaters" that moved across my eye, chains of blocks. I learned about cells in my biology, and then, one day, sitting in a dentist's chair, I thought, the floaters must be chains of cells which I can see because they are close up, right on my eyeball. My mother said no. But later an optometrist confirmed that, yes, indeed they were! I thought it was wonderful that I could see human cells with my own naked eyes!1235 C1-0
'''Take in all thoughts''' Conversing with: unlimited Once in a while, I marvel at the amazing variety of input that engages me and enters my mind. I could easily believe that there is an objective world around me, which I can't help but accept, so as to get by. It is a world that can easily overturn any model which I might suggest for it. Thus, I don't look to it for assurance, but rather I stay open to it. I feel obliged to take seriously whatever I note, whatever I am told, so that my character might be completely informed and thus ever perfected. John Muir has celebrated in detail, with awe and joy, the wonders of the Sierra mountains.591 C1-0
'''Wait''' Conversing with: associations I learned to wait sometimes, to give a chance for solutions to arise, for my unconscious to percolate or for the situation to develop. I learned to give God a chance. For example, I was living with David Ellison-Bey and his home was confirmed as foreclosed and then sold, and by law, I had to leave. I decided not to rush to leave, but waited to find a suitable place.690 C1-0
'''Accept a position of responsibility''' Conversing with: opportunities I have learned by accepting invitations to participate. I complemented Audrey Barnes on the gospel choir at St. Benedict the African and she invited me to join. I wrote a Lithuanian rock song for Loreta Grikaviciute and she invited me to sing it. Then in Lithuania we were invited to perform in the rock festival Roko marsas per Lietuva. As a youth, I was invited to lead a scout group. In Uzhupis, I was invited to show my drawings, do big works and paint new works. Generally, this expanded my possibilities and opened me up to my talents. I appreciated others' talents and I learned a bit about the logic and sensibility of each domain.685 C2-0
'''Reading a book that somebody recommends''' I've learned quite a bit from several books that others recommended that I read. An IrDA member from Oregon introduced me to Christopher Alexander's "The Timeless Way of Building". It's a wonderfully poetic book and I rank Alexander along with Plato and Kant for his insightful theory and practice of pattern languages. Malcolm Duerod recommended that I read "The Shack", a book depicting God's relationship with himself as the Holy Trinity, but it got me thinking that, in my imagination, God is alone. June Terry recommended "A Purpose Driven Life" and I've just read the first chapter, but it made me realize that, as a child, I appreciated that my happy life did not come from my own merits, yet it was I who appreciated that, and I who decided to apply myself, and I who engaged God regarding that, as I myself thought best.1299 C2-0
'''Atune my mind''' In 2000 or so, I noted eight areas in my personal life where I wanted to improve myself: Be with God, foster my conscience, foster my willpower, foster my stewardship, be curious, serve others, support others' endeavors, be successful. Each morning, after I prayed, I would run through each of these and imagine how I might do that during the day. I didn't try to plan to actually do them because it would be too contrived to carve out so much time. Rather, I would imagine how I might do that, and then during the day I would be open to similar opportunities and seize them. Over several years this helped me change in these ways and I felt better about myself. Afterwards, I gave up this practice because it had achieved its purpose and it took up time, perhaps twenty minutes. 2259 C2-1
'''Direct my thinking''' Conversing with: capability By directing my thinking to thoughts or objects, important or otherwise, I note what I can be sensitive to, the variety of what can engage my attention. I can temporarily focus my attention on any thought, or away from it by focusing on another, or even be still in my mind, yet ultimately my mind is always drawn by peripheral thoughts or events. I like to think. It is not something I want to turn off. Rather, I want to make the most of my thinking. I see that by ever thoughtfully directing my thinking I have in large part shaped the mind that I live in.786 C2-1
'''Influencing myself''' Conversing with: my own essence I exert my will power to influence myself to be good in all ways. As a young person, I didn't care much for fruits or vegetables, but as I got older, I would at times encourage or even force myself to eat them, so that now I eat many more of them. I was weak and didn't have friends, so after school I would go outside and play sports on our block, and then later, I went out for the water polo team in high school. At home we spoke Lithuanian, but it took great effort to think in Lithuanian, and yet I chose to do so and persisted, successfully. I think this especially taught me to value "caring about thinking", which became my motto for Minciu Sodas, my lab of independent thinkers. But even more importantly, I was vigilant in my mind to weed out mean thoughts and to think good thoughts. 632 C2-1
'''Prime my mind''' In 2000 or so, I made a list of eight areas in my personal life where I wanted to improve myself: Be with God; foster my conscience; foster my willpower; foster my stewardship; be curious; serve others; support others' endeavors; be successful. Then every morning after I prayed I would spend about twenty minutes going through the list and just imagining examples of how I might work on each goal that day. In this way, I primed my mind so that I was ready to make time for such activities as they came up naturally. My life was very flexible and this mental exercise was much better for me than trying to schedule activities. After several years, I felt that these matters had become quite natural, my feelings had subsided concerning them, and I didn't have to do this routine, but they were part of my life.1921 C2-1
'''Recognizing influences on my perspective''' Conversing with: my own thinking I notice how television engrosses my thinking and how I am a freer person by not having one. Radio takes up mental bandwidth, too. The cultures that I have lived in have shaped my thinking of what's important. My efforts to link up with God have fostered my appetite for being with God.631 C2-1
'''Appreciate my vulnerabilities''' I was in first or second grade when I got glasses. It turned out that my vision was very bad. I can hardly make out the features of people's faces. Although I resisted needing glasses, I appreciated that they were a great gift. I wondered, how would I have survived before glasses were invented? I might not be able to work at all, I might have to be a beggar. And so I appreciated that I was not master of my own circumstances, and thus not free to do as I pleased.2090 C3-0
'''Battle with myself''' Conversing with: my own fate Many times, I've comforted myself by touching myself, and despite that pleasure, I know well that afterwards I feel dissipated and depressed. Yet my mind is so creative in coming up with justifications at the time. But it does seem to make a difference that I battle my mind, even if I lose. And from this battle I have learned many things, but especially that my mind and my will are different. I am my will and not my mind.702 C3-0
'''Care for mind, body and spirit''' Conversing with: harmonious life In eighth grade we were taught the Greek view of harmonious growth in mind, body and spirit. This encouraged me to take up sports, even though I was very weak. In high school, I joined the water polo and swimming teams. We swam from 6:30 to 8:00 in the morning and from 2:30 to 5:00 in the afternoon. I was always the worst, but I grew to be quite well built and of at least average strength.778 C3-0
'''End a relationship''' Conversing with: inability I had a roommate who was very bright but, as time went on, I wasn't able to engage with him in a constructive way. I decided that we were injuring each other as people and so I told him that I was ending our relationship. I learned my limitations, that I was unable to have a healthy relationship with him.750 C3-0
'''Try out all possible solutions''' Conversing with: impossibility In avoiding bankruptcy, I'm trying to take every reasonable step along the way. In trying to make a living from my business, Minciu Sodas, I kept looking for the most promising and sensible opportunity. In pursuing my sweetheart, I'm trying to show that I care about her in every way. In trying to save David's home, and especially, in encouraging him to take action to save it, I've tried to show that I'm ever interested. These are all areas where I can't assure my own success yet must try to do my part.755 C3-0
'''Justification''' Conversing with: given Certain ideas I have thought are dangerous, and justification helped me to realize, in what sense I think they are. Also, I was born in California but raised Lithuanian, and justification made me embrace my Lithuanian heritage in a very conscious way.606 C3-1
'''Stay in touch''' Conversing with: good will Sometimes my values seem to diverge so sharply from people I know that I don't see the point of maintaining a relationship. But then I realize that, even so, I can have good will and maintain it at some most basic level. I allow and recognize that there may be some purpose greater than my own perspective.752 C4-0
'''Make meaningful''' Conversing with: meaningfulness In Vilnius, I babysat my god daughter Deboryte and helped her with her homework. That ended badly because I was interested to teach her more broadly, but she was focused on doing what was assigned, and so I made her upset. Even so, I tried to draw meaning from the evening, and I remembered that I was a good tutor. I had worked at Ivy League Tutoring in Chicago, and since I had exhausted my hopes to make a living from Minciu Sodas, perhaps I could go back and work there. I called the founder, Adrian Hunter, and indeed, he agreed to hire me, and I left for Chicago within a month. More generally, as a youth, I tried to draw meaning from every episode in my life, every talent I developed, and build on them, although certain skills, such as my Spanish, always seemed underutilized, and I spent time on others, such as playing guitar, that I never sufficiently developed to get past the hump so I could build on them. 759 C4-1
'''Sort out my own feelings''' Conversing with: my knowledge Sorting through my feelings, I recognized various distinctions. I disavowed feelings of shame because they came from others and not myself, and so I felt it was wrong to shame and to feel shame. In contrast, embraced feelings of guilt as healthy because they came from inside my own self, and I could resolve them internally. I felt pleasure or comfort in fondling myself, but afterwards it inevitably made me feel depressed and spent, and so I concluded from my own feelings that it was wrong for me to do and I should ever resist that, even though I constantly failed. I thought it was my own personal addiction, sin that helped me identify with other people's addictions, failings of character, sins. Yet I felt that, in any event, it was not central to my life, it was not what was key to understanding me.741 C4-1
'''Ask for extraordinary assistance''' Conversing with: commonality Sometimes I have asked for extraordinary help from people I know with power: to go to university in Soviet-occupied Lithuania; to get a visa for my love; to get help from Lithuania's foreign ministry for Kenyans; to have a place to stay for the night from the Church in Warsaw. I learned how help was not forthcoming, or how it was much more or much less than what I merited.746 T-0
'''Believing in my superiority''' My mother thought that I might need glasses, but I resisted that idea, I suppose because I didn't wish to allow that I was imperfect in any way. One day we were driving home from Lithuanian Saturday school on Highway 5. I would read out loud the exit signs as they came up. My sister Rima managed to read our exit "Carmenita" before I did! How could that be? I realized that she saw it before me. That's when I admitted that I needed glasses.2091 T-0
'''Reuse existing solutions''' Conversing with: solution As a computer programmer, I learned to solve many challenges by reusing and rewriting existing code that I or others had developed for similar problems. 753 T-0
'''Get involved''' Conversing with: my own limits I have exposed my failings and strengths by getting involved and not always holding back. At Lithuanian scout camp Rakas, as a nineteen year old "Brother of the Forest", I spied on the teenage girl scouts from out of the forest. They saw me, but I didn't retreat. I'm sure I looked pretty stupid. In 2009, I went to a philosophy workshop in Lithuania, which had rejected my wish to talk about my findings in my quest to know everything, including my video. At mid-day, one of the speakers gave a long screed against America, women, homosexuals, minorities. At question time, I asked, "Maybe Hitler was right?" and he replied, "As soon as I talk about such things, I am inevitably compared to Hitler." As nobody kept him from speaking so irresponsibly, I got up and punched him, saying that the Nazis had executed my grandfather. (It seems that subsequently he stopped pursuing his line of thinking, at least publicly.) I have many such incidents, stupid or noble, because I am willing to step out of norms. 700 T-1
'''Stick to what is right''' Conversing with: world I've tried, even if ever so slightly, to stay true to what is right. For example, I force myself to at least skim the terms of service when I am asked to click that I have read and understood them. At work, in public, and socially, I note and stand up for what is right. Sometimes I lose out as a consequence, and sometimes I gain in different ways. This helps me appreciate and identify with the righteous, the downtrodden and the marginalized.701 T-1
'''Be naive''' Conversing with: my assumptions As I studied, I supposed that the more I learned in school, the more kinds of jobs I could do and find when the time came. I thought that math was practical and that I would find many ways to apply a Ph.D. Later, as I took loans and risks to start my lab, Minciu Sodas, I thought that I could always find a regular job if I failed. I thought so, accepting tenants of my environment. Now, I see differently, but my wholehearted naivete then, my lack of doubt then helps me as I now reflect and conclude.695 F-0
'''Object to the existing system ever so slightly''' Conversing with: justice In the course of my usual activities, I address injustices that I notice, even though it may get me into trouble. I reported election violations in Chicago. When I won a Knight News Challenge award, I spoke up about the need to address "ethnic cleansing" in Chicago. I smuggled books as I traveled. I poured out alcohol at events where I felt people were pressured to drink. I would walk across the Black American neighborhood to show myself that I could do it.683 F-0
'''Find out for myself''' Conversing with: limits set by constraints Sometimes I'm able to observe and learn first hand rather than through books and schools. In Lithuania, in 1988 and 1989, I was able to observe up close Lithuania's reform movement which achieved independence from the Soviet Union. In 1980, I visited Lithuania as a 15 year old, and was able to talk to relatives of various backgrounds. I walked the streets of Vilnius and saw how different buildings that I recognized from Saturday school all fit together spatially with regard to each other. I traveled through Europe in the summer of 1989 and saw with my own eyes the plaza of Venice which Marco Polo departed from. From 1998 to 2010, I sought clients for Minciu Sodas and gained first hand experience of sorts in business.687 F-1
'''Get out of my comfort zone''' Conversing with: self-check At times, I made an effort to go outside my comfort zone, especially to reach out to those who are marginalized. I chose to live with my grandmother in her neighborhood, Marquette Park, which had become primarily Black American. I would practice engaging the youth hanging out on the corner. I ventured into the Black American community to join a Catholic church there, St. Benedict the African. In 2006, I stayed for three weeks in Nablus, Israeli-occupied Palestine, and taught nonviolence there.704 F-1
'''Test out assumptions''' Conversing with: understanding Is it true that everyone can be a genius? As a tutor for mentally challenged adults I realized that there are some objective challenges to learning yet everybody may have special gifts, some extra scraps of cortex for individual talents. 686 F-1
'''Check myself''' Conversing with: view from the side When people criticize me, I check myself, but often their criticism doesn't seem fair. Over time, I realized that the criticism is often more applicable to the criticizer, and I concluded that I am a mirror for other people's weaknesses.717 R-0
'''Good deed''' Conversing with: justice Lord Baden-Powell taught scouts to do a good deed every day. As a child, I took this seriously. Later, I appreciated the opportunity to do good. This concept helped me to see the dynamics of good, the way that it worked, its significance and advantages, not yielding return directly, and yet allowing for good things to happen to me as well as others, and importantly, fostering my character.716 R-0
'''Learning from my failures''' Conversing with: other possibilities I learned not to brag about my mind because that can hurt others; to be ready to lead because others may not be ready;to use the simplest vocabulary so that I would be understood by everybody; to make clear my main point so that people could help me; to not be modest so that people would be aware of what I can do.675 R-0
'''Critically reviewing my life''' In 2000 or so, I critically reviewed my life, all my weaknesses which I perceived, much like Ben Franklin did, as he notes in autobiography, which my brother alerted me to. I found eight areas in my personal life where I wanted to improve myself: Be with God, foster my conscience, foster my willpower, foster my stewardship, be curious, serve others, support others' endeavors, be successful.1920 R-1
'''Illustrative examples''' Conversing with: fundamental knowledge Certain examples from real life make vivid for me the reality of the sciences. In physics, I was most impressed when our professor Isaac Abella showed us that if we place our forefinger just above our thumb and look through that gap in the light, then we will see diffraction effects, ripples of light and darkness, which is evidence that light is a wave, which interferes with itself constructively (brightening the light) and destructively (canceling out, leaving darkness). I was deeply impressed that such a physical fact could be observed and deduced from our bare hands. It was available to all humankind, yet who cared to make sense of it? 601 CB-0
'''Example (601) Watching human cells floating on my eyes''' As a nearsighted child, I noticed "floaters" that moved across my eye, chains of blocks. I learned about cells in my biology, and then, one day, sitting in a dentist's chair, I thought, the floaters must be chains of cells which I can see because they are close up, right on my eyeball. My mother said no. But later an optometrist confirmed that, yes, indeed they were! I thought it was wonderful that I could see human cells with my own naked eyes! 1236 CB-0
'''How I feel''' Conversing with: myself Sometimes, when I feel pressured by life, I ask myself, What do I truly want? and that helps guide me.710 0-0
'''Attend lectures'''Conversing with: science I learned much physics and math in college through lectures, especially physics lectures where professors such as Isaac Abella imparted their intuition. He would say things that the books weren't saying or weren't able to make prominent, but got across the idea at hand and the spirit of the subject.768 1-0
'''Get to know the classics''' Conversing with: content I like to read the classics in literature, philosophy, religion and other fields because they help me understand what is pertinent, fundamental, creative, fruitful and influential, what is a real contribution. I enjoyed learning about and listening to classics of rock, jazz and classical music. This also helps me find my own way, what I myself am attracted to, makes me feel safe to do that and not feel manipulated by the spirit of our times. I appreciate the classics as an efficient way to learn.743 1-0
'''Ask for advice''' Conversing with: know how I learn many things by asking people who are knowledgeable in particular fields such as computers, Linux, Lithuanian, languages, websites.689 1-1
'''Interrogate''' Conversing with: advisor When I go shopping for something I don't know much about, such as shoes, bicycles, hiking equipment, computers or gifts for women, I try to ask the salesperson questions, both to learn about what to look for, and to discern if they are genuinely helping me and I should follow their advice.688 1-1
'''Try out advice received''' Conversing with: instruction I've tried out advice from people in nutrition, health, hiking, music, culture, literature... Sometimes these are knowledgeable people and sometimes it just seems that they know something they found useful and are glad to share. Such knowledge tends to be useful, handling some issue, and may be fruitful conceptually, in that it makes personal sense and develops sensitivity in the relevant field.742 1-1
'''Imagine another person's mind''' Conversing with: mind In tutoring, I would often understand my students by trying to model their mind, and so imagine the obstacles that were keeping them from solving a problem.692 10-0
'''Learn from other's mistakes''' Conversing with: menaces Noting other people's failings and failures, I took them as confirmation not to use drugs, not to manipulate other people or think of us as different. I appreciated the privileges of my life, my opportunities and my need to apply myself and my virtues.765 10-0
'''Look for what's missing Conversing with: incompleteness''' In childhood I often chose to study whatever I knew the least about. In sketching out a system for self-education, as in mathematics, I keep thinking, what to add?628 20-1
'''Address the causes of my bad mood''' Conversing with: responsibility I wondered about the causes of my moods and concluded that sometimes they have no reason, and perhaps that is their purpose, to kick us out of our usual tracks.758 32-0
'''Distinguish what I have control over''' Conversing with: irresponsibility As a child, I was a bit afraid of plants. My mother had a beautiful yard with many plants, including a section with dense ivy and large throated jack-of-pulpits. I was suspicious of plants because they seemed very patient, which could be a ruse. I didn't want to allay my suspicions simply based on what other people did or thought. Yet I realized that, if indeed plants might be malevolent, it was beyond my capabilities to establish that, and so I should accept what people thought.720 32-0
'''Entertain a doubt''' Conversing with: possibility As I child, I found plants to be suspicious, because of their possibly great patience, thus unpredictable and dangerous.756 32-0
'''Observe history in the making''' Conversing with: history World news is repetitive. It is typically reported before, during and after it happens. And in Lithuania's independence movement, I witnessed how people did not consider creative alternatives but looked to known solutions, namely, independence.767 30-0
'''Hearing what is needed of me''' I traveled with my friend to his home in China. He arranged for me to stay there for an additional six weeks with his family. There was no way for me to directly pay his family for food or anything as that would be inappropriate. However, he took care of that for me. The one thing that he set straight was that I would do my own laundry by hand because otherwise his mother would have to do it. So we agreed on that and it seemed to work out well.975 O-0
'''Value my life''' Conversing with: God's gift In China, after a conversation with Tong Zhu about the moral dilemmas of being a doctor, I realized that I was too precious to God to make a living as I had from a job that I did not think contributed to society, coding for a health care start-up serving a regulatory mandate of dubious merit.776 O-1
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